Storms...as storms go

Life doesn’t always go as we would like...winning Power Ball numbers, aside.

It’s not always one straight road or smooth sailing or clear skies ahead...or whatever travel related metaphor you’d like to employ.

It’s more of a bumpy mogul laden trail on the slopes.

Or stormy seas.

Or curvy unfamiliar terrain.

Most of the time....

Even before we get in our car, boat or airplane...let alone strap on our skis....

That’s just how it goes.

In fact, if we’d like to go through life without disappointment, then we should probably either stay in the basement or just plan on bumps as the natural course of things.

Maybe even look forward to the downs so we can enjoy the challenge of getting back to the ups.

Fleeting as they may be.

I mean, aside from my personal record of 1,500 straight paddleball whacks back in 1978—what can I say...I was on a roll—I haven’t had many ups that have lasted much past lunchtime.

Zombies Dig Spring

The Zombies across the street were out raking their lawn the other day—starting their spring cleanup—so I thought I’d amble over and see how they’ve been holding together...in more than the usual way you’d expect from the un-dead.

They lost Grandpa Zombie a while back and since they’re not used to losing people, or sort of people, or not-people...however you want to phrase it, they’ve been having trouble making sense of it all...if there’s any sense to be made when it comes to Zombies.

Let’s just say they have somewhat different attitudes when it comes to living their lives...or not living their lives...whatever the case might be.

Plus it was all kind of sudden.  One minute Grandpa Zombie was sitting out on the front stoop munching on some rotten apples—who, to be honest, had it coming—and the next, he was gone.

And it’s on the rare side to actually lose a Zombie.

Yeah, Gramps was up there...I mean way, way up there...but you usually don’t hear about this kind of thing.

Someone suggested he might’ve just shuffled off, down to the library and wasn’t lost at all.

I guess that’s possible. They found a Zombie big toe propping up the short leg on the periodicals table, and everyone knows Gramps was a big fan of Life Magazine—he enjoyed the pictures, especially of wildlife—but let’s face it, finding a Zombie big toe is not that unusual. They drop those things—and more—like the rest of us drop our keys...it could have belonged to any one of them.

So who knows?

Down on That

 

I’m on a personal crusade against “That”.

I say...“Down with “That”.

Well, I don’t really say that very often...if at all.

But I’m saying it now

“Down with “That”.

And you can tell that I’m saying it and that I mean business because I’m using quotations.

And...I just used “That”...again...twice.

I use it a lot...that is.

That this, that that...that everything else.

You probably do too...use that...that is.

I do it without even knowing that I do....damn!

I noticed it when I went back and re-edited some of my old manuscripts...I use “that”...way more than that deserves to be employed.

In fact, in most cases, “that” isn’t necessary at all.

Unless it has its noun suit on.

Then “that” is okay.

That deserves a seat at the table.

Actually, the proper term is probably pronoun suit...but it didn’t sound quite as catchy.

Which is a whole other kettle of fish.

Which, technically, I shouldn’t be using to start a sentence, either.

Which...that is.

But, on a whole...and sometimes a half...I’ve pretty much disregarded the rules of grammar, ever since I stopped being tested on them.

As you can plainly see.

I pretty much write by ear...which looks weird, as well.

Plus I miss a lot of conversations.

Point being...I write the way I hear people talk...and, conversely, the way I talk.

So I guess I say “that”...a lot.

But now I see there’s really no reason for “that”.

Most sentences are cleaner without “that”.

I don’t need to know, “He said that it was....”

The fact he said “it was”, is enough.

I know “she traveled” a hard road...so adding “that she traveled” it, doesn’t make it any harder.

Anyway, now I’m trying to eliminate all the unnecessary “that’s”.

But I know that I won’t get them all....damn!

That is insidious that way.

Were in a rush, and that pops up.

Then we go back and we can’t help but see that.

And then that’s that....

Don’t even get me started on ellipses....you know....

When an em-dash would do—

Or is it en-dash—?

Who knows?

And Who’s not saying anything that we don’t already know about...this, that...or the other thing....

I use ellipses a lot too...along with that...probably to the annoyance of many—possibly you.

I guess it’s just a rhythm thing. It’s how I hear it in my head.

The pauses, the stumbles...the incorrect grammar—all for effect.

Or is it affect?

Nah...I’m pretty sure it’s effect?

Maybe—

In the end—which this is—it’s just about making some sort of sense out of your own gibberish.

As long I get it, I figure that you will too....

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh...!

______________________________________

Have you picked up my new book “The Kingdom of Keys”?
                                                
No....what's up with that???

Better hurry before they're ALL GONE...which is a lie because they'll never be all gone...never....

So why not buy one just to reward my forthrightness..ness...ness?

You might even enjoy it.


And spread the word...cuz nobody else is....

Just sayin....
 
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Sage Advice

The sagest advice I ever received was not to step in dog’s doo.

And, at the time, I wasn’t even sure what dog’s doo was.

But it sounded like good advice so I tried my best to dog’s don’t on the doo.

But as with any sage advice, I eventually dog’s did.

And I wished I didn’t....

But that’s how it was when I was a kid.

I was also told not to poke my eye out, which I thought was a plan.