Friday, July 26, 2019

January to July in the Blink of an Eye










These days, we fly from January to July in the blink of an eye.

Even while producing factitiously formed frolics of rhyme, which, in and of itself, might be considered a caustic crime.  

Sorry…once you get mixed up in a cycle of random rhymes and sophomoric sophistry…not to mention atypical alliteration…it becomes a bit of a treacherous trick to essentially exit.

But I will persevere, if only so I can be done with this before lunchtime…both mine and yours.

Not to mention August.

So, let’s not…mention August…at least not yet…not until it’s time.

Which is where I was heading with this…again…until, you know, the desultory detour.

Time, time and more time.

It all comes back to time.

Time and time again.

And I’ve been wasting a lot of it…time, that is…trying to figure out where it all goes, and why it goes so fast.

Not that I need tell you.

 I just did a “time” keyword search of past stories and discovered…well…I waste a lot of time, discussing time in some form or another. 

I guess I missed my calling as a watch maker. 

But I’ve made some progress in my temporal temporality fight, over time.

I’ve figured out you can’t really worry about it, too much.

Monday, June 24, 2019

Racking Up Another Summer







Summer is now officially here!

As of 11:54 A.M. EST, this past Friday, the sun arrived at its highest point in the northern hemisphere, which means we experienced the greatest amount of daylight and least amount of darkness of any day of the year, not counting the ever present dark, gloomy, rainy skies we’d been living under for the last 6 months…or thereabouts

My lawn looks spectacular, however, including the bountiful new crop of mushrooms within, so there’s that.

Yep, we can all start officially enjoying the summer, whole hog, instead of the half hog unofficial enjoyment we’d only been permitted between Memorial Day and now.

So go for it!

In any manner of hog you prefer.

And don’t dawdle because we only have a measly 3 months of official summer left, and you know how that goes.

The LL Bean Fall catalogue is flooding your local post office as we speak, and I’ve already started unpacking my Christmas lights.

It goes fast.

Which is why I don’t get as hung up on the comings and goings of the seasons as much as I did when I was younger...ish.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Off You Go…go….









You probably don’t spend too much time talking on the phone these days.

You probably text more than talk.

You’re in…you’re out.

Don’t forget, to bring your pants home, this time!

Texting is short and simple.

Talking, is not.

“How are you? No, I didn’t know about your eczema flare up. Yes, I did see that movie. No, I won’t tell you how it ends. No, I didn’t see that one…oh, he was dead the whole time…no kidding. So, you ended up with sausage instead of meatballs?  I suppose that was a nice change.  How long of a procedure is that? I have no idea if it’s considered cosmetic or not.  Well, your guess is as good as mine. Okay, I guess your guess is better…I guess.”

Talking can drag on…for a while.


Especially when you’re not quite sure how to get off the phone.

Even after 8 hours.

You could use the direct approach.

“Holy Moly, my kitchen is on fire…I have to go!”

Or Holy Moly, whatever…fill in the blank.

Because Holy Moly is always a good go-to escape route no matter what you attach to it.

Or you can be even more direct… 
“You know I really don’t care about anything you’re saying…in fact, while you’ve been yammering on and on for the last hour, I’ve been cleaning my oven, and the hour before that I was counting the litter in in the litter box.”

You could say that…some people do…not saying who.

Although, unfortunately, for the most part, people don’t like to be rude.

Friday, April 26, 2019

Impeachment and me








I may have been a little hasty in my rush to claim full and complete exoneration, a few weeks back.

Yeah….

Especially since full and complete pretty much mean the same thing.

Apparently, there are some obstruction of justice issues, still on the table.

Like my dirty breakfast and lunch dishes.

And possibly a late night snack or two.

Possibly.

Z said there’s no justice in that…especially since she knows I know she can’t stand a messy kitchen and I expect she’ll clean it all up in the morning.
Along with all the dirty laundry left on the floor, which Z hates, especially since most of it belongs to my friend Vladimir, who dislikes going to the laundry mat. 
Vlad say's he's above all that, and I believe hm. 
I have no reason not to.
He' was very forthright and genuine when I looked him right in the eye and asked him about it.

Friday, April 19, 2019

A Cinematic Life









When I was a kid, which some people—I won’t say who—say I still am, I liked to view my life as a movie.

Complete with soundtrack, special effects...oh, and of course, an audience.

Somewhere, out there, perhaps in a galaxy far, far away sat a rapt audience hanging on my every move.

Of course, since my daily, real life was kind of average, at best, and boring, at worst, it was important to create alternate scenarios, all of which involved some sort of secret agent work.

I mean, what better cover could there be for the world’s greatest covert hero than a suburban 5th grade Catholic school kid?

Maybe a nun; especially since they could conceal any manner of weapons under those big, baggy outfits they wore, back then.

You’d be amazed at the sheer number of items they could whip out of their sleeves, alone.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Are Black Holes Really Exciting?






Everyone’s excited about this photograph depicting the first actual view from earth of a Black Hole.
Sort of....

The so-called event horizon, beyond which even light cannot escape and where all known physical laws break down…sometimes, also referred to as The White House.

Sorry…I couldn’t resist.

According to the scientists, a black hole is the region around an extremely compact clump of matter whose intense gravitational force so powerfully distorts and warps space that you might think of it as a puncture in space itself. 

Kind of like what one of my old college roommates produced on Saturday mornings after his usual raucous Friday nights.

Originally, according to the NY Times, black holes were just one mathematical solution to Einstein’s field equations of general relativity. There was no guarantee that they corresponded to real astronomical objects.

Even Einstein was skeptical that they existed…as well as the need to tip, since he was known as a notorious cheapskate, among the other geniuses.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Completely Exonerated!







After months of endless suspicion and accusation, I’m please to say the Mueller Report has completely exonerated me!

Completely….

I can’t tell you how relieved that makes me.

Well, actually I can tell you…and in fact I probably just did.

I guess it’s just one of those weird things you say but don’t really mean.

Like… after months of endless suspicion and accusation, I’m please to say the Muller Report has completely exonerated me!

Anyway, my point is…I’m in the clear.

No more WITCH HUNT!

So I’m glad that’s over.

Because witches are pretty scary.

Especially the green ones with the brooms and weird hats.

And hopefully that “Fixer” fella will stop sending me snap chat messages asking for advice.

How should I know what color tie works best in C Block?

At least, now, I can get back to doing the people’s work.