Friday, March 9, 2018

Jump to Conclusions

Imagine if we could jump into the essence of another person.

Spend a little time in there, poking around, getting a sense of the place.

“ that’s why that woman appears so content, taking pictures of her dog. He’s the only one in her life whoever smiles at her...but does it really explain the odd choice in footwear?”

“Okay, so that’s why that guy is always so cranky...maybe he should rethink those thongs.”

“No wonder that kid has a chip on his shoulder...I would too if  I had so much trouble understanding velcro.”

If we could jump inside, even for a half a minute, it might change our perspective about a lot of things.

Folks who always seemed so inscrutable, might just become very scrutable.

That is if you ever paid any attention to them, in the first place.

Because the fact is, most people aren’t really paying attention to anyone else but themselves, most of the time.

Except for that women at the deli who always makes a face whenever I ask her to remove all the corn niblets from my soup.


I don’t like corn niblets.

Sue me....

I have my reasons.

And that’s the thing.  We’re all so busy being “us” we never take the time to consider being “them”...and what makes them “them”.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Facts is Facts

The fact is, it used to be a fact...facts were important.

Facts is facts.

In fact...the facts speak for themselves.

Just the facts, Ma’am.

Nothing but the facts.

If in doubt, in regard to any given issue or topic, which in fact are pretty much the same thing, one would always look to the facts.

Facts don’t lie.

It’s just a matter of fact.

If I say the sky is blue, some folks would agree.

It’s can see it...take my word for it...a fact...right?

Uh, way.

Not a fact at all.

Friday, January 26, 2018

The Bubble Within

With all the important and controversial issues thrown at us every day, all day—collusion vs. illusion...obstruction vs. construction vs. destruction. Sexual predators vs. harassers vs. lousy dates and just plain stupid people. Secret societies, Fake News, partisan politics, a divided nation, head spinning Tweets, my guy vs your guy...and the Yankees trying to buy yet another championship...again...and probably succeeding. And don’t even get me started on the “evil” Belichick/Brady coven up in New England—I thought I would tell you about the difficulties I'm experiencing planning our upcoming Disney Vacation.


You thought I built myself a triple layer, extra strength, double bubble living compartment for nothing? Plus, painted it with two coats of “Opaque Opal” so no one can see in, while I can’t see out, just so I can spend more time watching cable TV, while weighing the pros and cons of an all Oprah administration featuring free weight watcher memberships for everyone?

Uh uh...I’ve got real problems here, Bud.

Like trying to locate where I put those Mouse Ears I wore so well back in the 60s’.

But let me start where all pointless, self-absorbed, misinformed stories like this always start....somewhere in the middle, mostly near the end...since to start at the beginning would be a cliché, not to mention time consuming.

Friday, January 5, 2018

A Good Lookin Year!

Less than a week into 2018 and I have to say, I really like the look of it.

I mean, actually the look of it.

Even the sound of it.

Two Thousand Eighteen!

Not sure why.

Maybe because the 8 looks a little like a snowman.

Or my Uncle Stew.

And Aunt Mazie.

Or possibly because it has a cool endless flow thing going on.

But maybe, just because, when I was growing up, 18 was kind of a teenage promise land.
For all intent and purposes you became “legal” at 18, whereas before, I suppose, you stood a little on the outlaw side of things.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

See ya Next Year!

You’ve probably heard it a lot this week.

Probably said it, yourself...more than once.

“See ya next year!”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah.....

So clever....

We wait all year to say know, because it’s so clever....

And if we happen to run into the same people again, before the New Year...we’ll say it again...just because we can!

“See ya next year!”

And of course the variation...”Talk to ya next year”...which is different, but subtle.

So much fun....

Makes the whole weird week “in-between” Christmas and New Years worth all the weirdness.

Weird because you’re never really sure what day it is, depending on when you went back to work.

Is it Wednesday or is it Tuesday...or possibly Monday?

And if you didn’t go back to work, or you’re a writer and your work consists of a lot of sitting around staring out the window, anyway, you’re still thrown by how even more boring this “in-between week” is than all the other weeks.

Plus, all the other lost faces staring out my neighbor’s windows is a bit jarring, because, usually, when I stare out the window, no one stares back...let alone waves.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Holly Jolly - One Looooooong Night

Boy...was last night a loooooooong night or what?

Like the longest night of the year, long.

Not sure why.

Maybe because I was reading through the new tax bill, looking for my name on the list of new Christmas tax cut recipients.

But I couldn’t find it, so I finally gave up.  But I’m sure it’s in there somewhere.

They don’t lie about that kind of thing.

Mostly because Santa will get mad and not bring any presents if you lie.

So it was a loooooong night.

Winter Solstice has arrived and with it the sun now begins its loooooooong climb back to summer....eventually, after enjoying the holidays, like all the other celestial bodies.

Everything shuts down for Christmas...even the sun.

And climb it will, up, up, up...until, in just a few short weeks, we’ll be saying...
“Hey, it’s after 5 and it’s still light out!”
Mostly because we are a boring people...or maybe that’s just me.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Holly Jolly – Same Old Song

I sing this same old song, every year, right about this time; Holly Jolly Christmas time.

And believe me, the neighbors aren’t all that pleased; especially since I never got around to unsticking that open bathroom window.

I can't seem to nail the chorus, at least in tune, or at least something that resembles tune.

But since the rest of the song is performed in the key of “unknown origins”, no one seems to notice.

In any case, none of that really matter since I’m speaking metaphorically, which I tend to do, at least until I finish my second cup of coffee. After that, I pretty much just speak nonsense.

So I better get on with it, since I’ve already finished my first cup.

No, the metaphorical song I’m talking about is how quickly the Holidays seem to sneak up on us every year...after year...after year.

No sooner do we toss the tree to the curb are we back out in the woods hunting down a new one.

No sooner have we tangled up the lights before boxing them away are we pulling them out and untangling them, again, along with a holly jolly holiday curse or two.