Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Who Likes “Look”?

I’ve noticed a lot of people like to say “Look”, these days....especially when the last thing they really want you to do is, you know... “Look”.

“Look”...we’ve been saying all along, yada yada yada....

“Look”...there’s absolutely nothing inconsistent with the facts...they’re the same as the ones we’ve been making up from the beginning...yada yada yada....

“Look”...I can’t emphasize enough the idea that if I smirk and say “Look” you can’t help but see just how serious I am about wanting you to believe this stuff...yada yada yada....

It’s kind of a thing.

“Look” if you can’t see that then maybe you don’t want to see it.

“Look”... am I wasting my breath, here.

“Look”...It’s all just part of the new way of saying something while you’re really saying nothing.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Growing Up in the “Now”

We all use various forms of the phrase “Growing up”.

When I was growing up....

You’re all grown up....

When I grow up....

Will you ever grow up...?

Which I get a lot.

But can we really say anyone ever really grows up?

I mean, sure, in a physical sense we get bigger and to leap tall buildings in a single bound...yet, aren’t we always growing up, no matter what age we fall on the actuarial table?

Growing up into what we’re meant to grow up into.

Even if it’s just a guy who hangs out in the park picking lint from his belly button.

Or worse, someone else’s belly button.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

New 5 star review on Amazon for the Zombies!

     "...Moloney's quick wit and amazing way with words is prominent throughout the book. It's broken up into little stories, which is nice, but I found myself reading story after story and not wanting to put it down! It's an insightful, humorous, feel good book, which we could all use more of! Bravo Brian, for another great read!"

Thanks, Dream Reader! Appreciate the nice words.

The Zombies say they can use a few more reviews...cuz, you know...Zombies are never satisfied...nor subtle....

Click Here to Order

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Kitchen Updates Upcoming

A while back, Z mentioned in passing, she thought it was time to update our kitchen.

Great, I thought. We could use a new toaster. My English muffins have been popping out a little too crispy lately.

And the dish drainer could use an update.

Let’s face it, avocado green had a good run, but has seen its day.

So why not?

Then I was informed, Z was thinking a little more “radical” in her way of “updates”.

Hmmmmm...I thought.

If it’s possible to think hmmmmm.

I’m not sure it is.

But that’s neither here nor there...which isn’t unusual.

Hmmmm...”radical” sounds a little ominous.

Is she talking about trashing our old garbage pail; the fancy one with the automatic lid opener—if you count stepping on a peddle to open it, “automatic”?

I guess we could use a new one, though, since it hasn’t actually opened “automatically”, peddle or no, in, let’s say, awhile.

I suppose I’ll still have all those crazy garbage pail memories to hold onto.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Shiny New Things

Every once and awhile, after I disappear into an extended brain fog and cease contributing to the world at large...or e-mail distributer will take matters into its own hands and arbitrarily send out a past retort, just to wake me up.

So that’s why, if you’re a subscriber, you may have received something about Christmas and cars, a while back.

Sorry...but I take no responsibility for my artificial intelligence. I have enough trouble managing my actual intelligence, or lack thereof

However, I guess this AI knew what it was doing, since here I am...unintelligently intact...but still lackadaisical and indifferent to all things retorting.

And since the topic of said past retort was cars...and I just bought a new car, I suppose I have to pay least a little.

I have to admit, lately, the universe seems to be dangling many shiny new things, in addition to cars, in my direction, so my personal distraction quotient is way over the top.

Not that I ever had a lot of luck with focus in the past.

I think it has something to do with mixing up my contact lenses.

The thought of sitting quietly in front of a computer screen, pecking out one inanity after another for a reason I have yet to figure out has been more often than not pushed aside by my propensity for counting raindrops.

There’s a lot of them...and someone has to do it...maybe.

And why stare at a screen full of repeating binary numbers for hours at a time, when I can stare out the window repeating my jalapeno tuna sandwich for hours at a time?

Yet who am I to ignore a cosmic I guess I better tell you about my new car.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Perfect for a Rainy Day

Looking for just the right thing to while away a rainy day?

Well, first I’d look into an umbrella. Then, pick up a copy of my new book of Freelance Retorts and chuckle a little while you’re waiting for your socks to dry...because umbrellas do pretty much nothing for wet feet.

Plus, I need the validation....

Just sayin....

Anyway, buy the book...a guaranteed page turner, since that’s the only way to read the whole thing.

Again...just sayin....

Friday, March 24, 2017

Lying in “Truth”

Everyone wants the “truth”.

Why wouldn’t you?

I mean who wants a lie?

Unless you’re asking someone if your pants look okay.

Or if they can tell you had the garlic linguini for lunch?

Some people say the “truth” is relative.

That your “truth” is as valid as my “truth”...just different.

And then they run for public office.

I don’t know...and that is the “truth”.

I don’t think the “truth” is relative.

No matter how many “quote” marks you “wrap” around it.

I think the “truth” is the “truth”.

And everyone knows it’s the “truth”, but maybe don’t really want to admit it.

Or don’t want you to admit it...or know it.