Monday, February 8, 2016

Spaces for Places





 
People don’t live in apartments or work in offices anymore.

Instead they have spaces.

You might overhear two people speaking, while you’re eavesdropping at the guacamole store:

“I need a new Armadillo cage for my space.”

“What happened to your old Armadillo cage?”

“Nothing...I just need something new to change things up...something more exciting than what I’ve been living with.”

“In your current space?”

“Yeah...I could never fit an Armadillo cage, to my liking, in my old space.  Way too small for that kind of thing.”

Friday, February 5, 2016

Inside My Inner Voice





 
I’m told it’s an especially good time to listen to my inner voice.

Which is not an especially hard thing for me, since my inner voice never stops yammering...or asking for pizza

But I suppose that’s the point.

I guess I walk around, day in and day out, hearing my inner voice, but not really listening to it...I mean, aside from the pizza part.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Groundhog Day...Well on Our Way



 
 
 
It’s already the second day of February—Groundhog Day for those who observe—and 2016 is well on its way.

At some point this morning folks in various locales around the country will or will have already gone through the motions of annoying an oversized rodent who will predict or will have already predicted if we are to have more or less winter to come in some length or another.

I could have saved them all the trouble, including the rodent, since I’m fairly certain that we will indeed have quite a bit more winter, at least up until the early morning hours of March 20.

Yeah...I know. I’m taking all the fun out of it.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Snow Motion




 
 
The first “significant” snow of the season arrived over the weekend...at least around here.

If you’re not from around “here” and you're from around “there” then maybe it didn’t...or it already had.

Hard to say.

Besides, “significant” is only a measurement relative to the eye of the beholder.

And if you’re actually holding your eye to measure the depth of the snow outside your door, you’re probably one of the Zombies from across the street.

If you live up in the Snowbelt area, aside from the annoyance of a wet waist line, you probably think 10-27 inches of the white stuff is nothing.

Ha...get it...a wet waist line because your belt is made of snow...hahaha...get it?

Yeah...whatever....

Anyway, in my estimation, we accumulated about 10 inches. 14 if you go by my neighbor who tends to exaggerate the size of just about everything...if you know what I mean.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Lackadaisical Listening





 
 
I sometime get accused of not listening.

Which I think is a bit unfair.

I listen fine.

I just don’t always pay attention...to most of it.

Like if someone is telling me about their gall bladder procedure.

I think....

I’m not really sure, because...you know.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

I Need an Upgrade


 
 
 
 
Most mornings I turn on my phone and get a bunch of notifications concerning upgrades.

This APP or that has been automatically upgraded while I was snoozing.

So that’s cool...I think.

I guess I must have agreed to this somewhere along the line.

I mean, they wouldn’t just upgrade my APPs without my permission, would they?

How rude would that be?

Most of the time I don’t even notice the difference from one version to the next.

They probably just made it easier for the cameras to zoom in on my nostrils while I’m sawing wood in my sleep.

What?

Oh, no...I don’t mean  snoring. I actually saw wood while I sleep.

Nuts, huh?

Not to mention messy.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Another New Year – Happy?






 
 
Another new year just rolled into town.

365 new days...minus whatever amount of time has passed since you finally got around to reading this.

You’ll have to do the math on that.  I can’t do everything for you.

Let alone count....

Yeah...nothing changes.

Same ol’ same ol’....

Which means something...but I’m not sure what.

You probably don’t either.

It’s just something people say, so we assume it means something.

Like...“Pass the salt”....

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

But we hear others saying it, so we do too.

“Pass the salt...” 

What next....pepper?

Go figure.

Like, “Auld Lang Syne”.