Friday, May 1, 2015

The Zombies Love May Flowers







 
I was surprised to see the Zombies Across the Street out digging in their garden, the other day.

For obvious reasons.

Zombies tend to shy away from digging holes, of any kind, anywhere.

For obvious reasons.

Of course, it did cross my mind that they might be looking for someone who they just realized was missing.

Because when it comes to keeping track of things, Zombies are a bit on the oblivious side.

I lent one of them my bowling ball over the winter and when I asked for it back, all I got was blank stares.

Like they’d never heard of bowling, let alone a bowling ball.

So you have to be careful of that…among other things.

I mean, they’re Zombies.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Absurd’s the Word








 
The world is full  of absurdity.

Of which this story is a case in point.

But absurdity abounds…all around.

I mean just look at the Kardashians…need I say more.

And if you are looking at the Kardashians…need I say more.

Not helping….

Sure, there’s a lot of good programming on cable…even more so than network TV.

But there’s also a lot of absurdity as well.

I guess because there are so many outlets and so many hours to fill.

Do we really need 500 cooking shows with 3 or 4 so called “Chefs” being judged by 3 other “Chefs”?

No…I think one would do nicely. Two if you change up the format and add a fourth judge…you know, just for diversity.

How about house hunting shows?  Can’t get enough of those…especially if you live in a small, smelly studio apartment and feel bad for the couple who can’t decide between the Jacuzzi tub or the basement sauna.

Of course the “Flippers”—people not dolphins—and “Re-mods” have their own shows too.

To be honest, I was just fine with Bob and Norm…the rest just seems a little…excessive.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Take Me Out To the Ballgame

Drawing by Bernie Moloney














Z and I took ourselves out to the ballgame, the other day; out to Citi Field, home of the NY Mets to be precise….because I know some of you folks are precision freaks.

And it was an excellent time to go, because the Mets—at least for now—are on an upswing.

I say, for now, because if you’re a Met fan or just a fan of baseball in general, you know that the Mets are one of those teams whose fans must apply the prefix, “long suffering” to the word fan.

Which is actually something we’re proud of…so be advised not to share a table with us come lunch time.

Yeah…

No matter how well things are going…we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Fans of longtime, successful teams, such as the Yankees, never wait for the other shoe to drop. In fact, on the contrary, they actually expect someone to come and polish their shoes.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Dumb Doings






 
 
 
I left my keys in the front door, last night…again.

But that’s okay, because the burglars appreciate it.

It saves them the trouble of having to break in.

And a happy burglar tends to be a little more careful as to how much of a mess they leave behind.

I’ve been doing a lot of dumb things like that lately…again.

Like making coffee and forgetting to drink it.

Or putting the ice cream back in the pantry instead of the freezer, where I put the peanut butter

At least I can still find my house.

Or at least my town.

Friday, April 17, 2015

What the Heck Is a Hack?









Who the heck is doing PR for the word “Hack”.

I want to hire that guy—or gal—to help hack my on-line presence.

Heck, before they hacked “hack” it was just an ordinary word indicating the act of reckless whacking, of somebody or something…I think.

Then it extended a bit to mean someone who does inferior work, as in, “He’s just a hack…he writes a blog.”

Then of course came the cyber age and hacking was something done to override something else…or something like that.    

Sometimes the something was legal and sometimes the something was not so legal.

But nowadays, a hack is just about anything.

There are Life Hacks, Business Hacks, Shopping Hacks, Home Hacks, Money Hacks, Handy Hacks, Food Hacks, Relationship Hacks…just about anything hacks.

You get the idea.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Pronoun Paucity








Figured, should write something…been a while.

First thought was to bemoan the fate of the pronoun…as in preceding two sentences, inclusive.

What happened to poor “I” and “My”?

Not good enough to make the cut?

Now I have to add “They’re” to the mix as well.

Some sort of time saving device?

“Its”…join the club.

Don’t have time to waste on useless pronouns.

“We”.

Sighhhhhhhh.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Knumb Knees








We’re just past another holiday weekend; Passover for some and Easter for others.


As I’ve said before, I’m not much on religion, of any kind, these days, but my background and schooling drops me into the latter, Easter category.

I attended Catholic schools right through 12th grade, so I should be pretty well versed on all of the religious and historical associations connected with it.

And I am…and I respect all of that…but when I was just a kid, living in the land of single digits, it was hard to relate to most of it without the fear and confusion instilled in me by a dozen nuns, cloaked in mysterious garb, possessed with the uncanny ability to see through the back of their habit hidden heads.