Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Christmas Crankiness...in Cars









If you’re like me, you’ve already cranked up all your festive holiday toons.
Yep...as Mr. Williams is destined to belt out, every year in perpetuity:
It's the holiday season.
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock.

And then there’s something about not forgetting to hang up your sock.
Not sure why.
I guess because it’s the holiday season.
When else would you hang up your sock?
Any other time would seem weird.
Unless you’re my Uncle Bert, who’s been known to hang up his socks and other assorted under garments in inappropriate places, on occasion.
But that’s a discussion for another day....

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The Little Red Christmas Ball Thanks You







Thanks to everyone who's already picked up a copy of "The Little Red Christmas Ball"!

It's going much better than I'd expected. A lot of folks seem to have taken to it's fun Christmassy message.

If you've read it, do me a favor and share it with your friends. And especially, put a little review up on Amazon. They seem to like that sort of thing and promote you a little more if they see a healthy response, good or bad. Doesn't have to be anything elaborate...just a sentence or even a word.

"Thought it was a fun read!" "Couldn't put it down!" "My kids loved it" "It made me a little itchy!" "Awesome sauce, man"

Can be anything, really. And you don't even have to use your real name...so I can't track you down to whine....

Thanks, again....

________________________________________________
Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share?

"The Little Red Christmas Ball" will shine bright and hold tight for you and your family...this year and every year to come....

Now available at Amazon






And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”


also available at Amazon

Friday, December 2, 2016

The Christmas Ball Diaries






In a faraway corner of a dark dusty attic stood a small stack of time worn old boxes. Inside one of the oldest boxes, nestled in a blanket of aged, yellowed newsprint, the Little Red Christmas Ball yawned awake from a long, peaceful, waiting sleep.
Amid the tales of yesterday he’d waited. Through the soft bloom of spring to the crisp colors of autumn and winter's shortening light, he’d waited and waited...and dreamed....        


And so begins “The Little Red Christmas Ball” my new book which is—as the subtitle proclaims—a story for kids and anyone whoever was...and would be again.

So, pretty much everyone...at least I hope.

I wrote these words— my first lines of fiction—way back in 1992 when a video producer overran his budget and basically didn’t have enough money to pay for my services rendered. So, in lieu of cash he offered me one of his old computers and told me to go write that novel I’d always talked about.

And I did, night after night, into the early morning hours, over the course of a year; I sat and brought this story and characters to life.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Proclivity for Negativity







Sorry, for the weird Retort E-mail that went out the other day featuring a post from last April on
“Sage Advice”.

I don’t know why that happened.

Some glitch in the automatic mailing system, I suppose.

But it never happened before, so who knows.

Maybe I screwed something up.

Hope it didn’t annoy you too much.

I’m also sorry for the cheesy “Little Red Christmas Ball” ad that went out the other day too.

I hate to take advantage of my subscribers like that...make them think they’re getting a brand new Retort to peruse and then hit them up with a commercial for my book.

Even if I was giving it away for free.


But, hey...I’ve only got a pretty small window to promote this thing....this thing that will bring you holiday warmth, sentimentality and enjoyment for years and years to come....

So whatdya expect?

What I expect is you were annoyed and probably twice as annoyed by all the even more annoying Facebook posts about it.

Especially now that it’s not free any more.

Like it’s my fault, you were too busy making Turkey sandwiches to take a minute and get a freebie download.

But that’s just me.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

A Thanksgiving Comeback







It’s nice to see Thanksgiving making a bit of a comeback.

Once, right up there as a primo year-end Holiday, it had begun to lose some of its status and luster as a holiday to anticipate and enjoy.

Which the Turkeys were okay with.

Situated so close to Christmas, which has everything going for it as holidays go, including its own movies and musical score, people couldn’t wait to begin decking the halls.

If only Thanksgiving would do its thing and step to the side...please.

It’s no wonder those plastic Turkey Trees and Gobble Gobble Garland strings I tried selling on EBay didn’t fly...so to speak.

Nope, shoppers were already snapping up all those shelf elfs and other assorted Kringle creatures.

Which, again, was fine with the Turkeys.

You could also spot Thanksgiving’s diminished status in other ways.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Super is as Super Does







They were calling it a Super Moon, the first since...whenever and the last until...who knows when.

But doesn’t it seem they’ve been saying that about the moon almost every year, for a while now?

“Quick, drop what you’re doing and get outside and see the Super Moon...you’ll never see anything like it again!”

And I do; I drop the bowl of spaghetti I’m bringing to the table and run out to see this amazing moon...a moon I’ve never seen or will see again.

But I do....the next night...and the night after that...and that.

“Oh, but it’s not the same!”

But, it kind of is...it looks the same to me.

I mean, it’s an okay moon.

Maybe a bit brighter than most.

But I’m not sure I would go with the “Super” label...again, so soon.

Pretty good moon...maybe.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

One Zombie...One Vote!








The Zombies across the street are not happy with the election results.

Which, to be honest, I find surprising since most of them didn’t vote.

Even though a lot of them are still on the eligible voter rolls.

Oh, they talk a good game...about Zombie civic duty and all...but when push comes to shove, which it often does with Zombies, most of them just don’t shuffle down to the polls.

I guess you can’t really blame them.

Not after that incident back in 2004 when the poll workers refused to let one of them vote because they said he’d decomposed too much since 2002.

So now, they argue, the system is rigged against the un-dead.

“Don’t we have rights, too?” they shout...or gurgle, really, since most of them have throat issues.

“Uh, not really”...I want to say, but don’t...for obvious reasons.