Zombie Come Home

The other morning finally brought temps down into the 30’s; this after a schizophrenic fall made it difficult to discern if we were indeed heading towards winter, or straight back to spring.

Just this past Saturday, Z and I came upon a small bunch of confused crocuses happily reaching toward the warm, sunny, October sky.

However, once they saw all the pumpkins scattered about the neighboring lawns the expected finger pointing began, at least in a metaphorical sense, since crocuses don’t have fingers to point.

“I told you this didn’t seem right!  Wayyyy waaaaay too early! What are we going to do, now; I didn’t pack my woolies...did you? I told you not to listen to Carla...Carla always jumps the gun!”

At least that’s what I heard in my head...in reality who knows what they were saying.

They’re crocuses. They have a language all their own.

Anyway, it was cold the other morning.

Really cold.

Winter cold.

So, there I sat in our sun room, minus the sun, listening intently for signs of hot water meandering its way through the pipes and into my 92 year old cast iron radiators.

Did I mention it was cold?

Shivering, transfixed with every drip and gurgle, hands wrapped around a hot cup of coffee,  I heard a rustling outside, by the front door.

More of a shuffling, really, which could only mean one thing...the Zombies Across the Street were back.

But, how could that be? The Zombies haven’t been around for over a year; not since they decided to pack up and take what I perceived to be an extended vacation with some ghouls out west

That was Then...This is Now

In less than a week we’ll hit the mid-point of August, at which time some among us will begin to bemoan the fact that most if not all the Halloween candy has already been snatched up, by those more industrious than we, the contented, still living in the heat and humidity of "now".

Hopefully, they'll leave some Snickers.

I admit I used to be amongst the “amongiest of us” lamenting in the EZ-Pass lane of summer’s highway.

I’m not sure what that means, exactly, but it sounded good, so I left it in.

Z and I would only just be depositing our tomato plants, along with the rest of our spring flowers into our pre-Memorial day, barely defrosted gardens, when I would begin to fret the soon to be hasty arrival of 4th of July, which was most certain to jettison us straight into August....

And hey, don’t those Snickers bars stacked alongside the Scare Crows and candy corn look tasty.

Maybe I should check out my Christmas lights, too, while there’s still time to pick up replacements before they sell out, as well.

But that was then... this is now.

I don’t say that anymore.

Unless, I forget I’ve already consumed my allotted two Gin & Tonics and breeze right onto my fourth...by mistake.

Then there’s no telling what will come out of my mouth.

But, not to worry; I usually don’t remember much of it anyway...at least until I get all the e-mails, the next day.

Goodbye July - No Hard Feelings

Am I too late...did I miss it?

Is it still here?

I mean July... did I miss it...did I wait too long?

I did...didn’t I?

Maybe it’s still out back, downing a short one for the road.

Maybe I can still catch it.

July...are you out there?

I think it is, but it’s refusing to talk to me.

Says I ignored it, all month long.

Not even a peep from me, so now it’s just, “So long it might have been good to know ya....”

Summer months...so temperamental. All it takes is one small thing to set them off.

They’re kind of the prima donnas of months.  Like they’re doing us a favor with all their sunshine and warmth.

Unlike their winter cousins, who are just happy we tolerate them at all, let alone need us plying them with accolades and lemonade.

Yeah, I could have posted something here in July, but, to be honest, I was too busy enjoying all the nice summer days and my own version of “lemonade” to actually sit down and spit something out...I mean, other than olive pits.

Okay, that’s not true. I don’t even like olives. It was more like lime stems.

And it’s not as if I haven’t been overly generous to July in the past.

Dangling Transitions

Another day, spiraling in transition, sitting here sipping on a second cup of coffee.

I mean, I’m sipping on the second cup of coffee, not the day, spiraling in transition.

The day, spiraling in transition is sipping ice tea; herbal green, I think.

I know...I have to watch the dangling participles

You have to be careful where you dangle your participles, especially these days when everyone loves jumping to conclusions; transitions or not.

So Summer Solstice is right around the corner.

Yeah, for real...I saw it grabbing a hot dog from the guy with the snack truck, just outside the park.

To be honest, I’m not sure if it paid—in fact I know it didn’t pay— since Summer Solstice never carries cash. Mostly because it’s so full of itself, it figures somebody is bound to pick up the check, which they usually do.

Spring has done its best, this year, to keep summer at bay seesawing between a string of cool, if not downright cold, dreary, wet days with the occasional flash of summer-like sunshine and warm, if not hot days, usually followed by a penance of some more cold and drearies.

But now that Summer Sol, as I like to call it, has gulped down its hot dog, I have to admit it does feel as if we’re finally making the jump into full fledge “Official” summer.

In fact, now that spring knows it’s on the way out, it seems to have surrendered completely and dropped a bunch of upper 80 plus degree days on us.

I guess as if to say...“What...what cold and dreary days are you talking about, Writer Boy?”

What...? I have a complicated relationship with all the seasons.

KOK Freebie

In honor of June and the start of summer reading season, The Kingdom of Keys is available for FREE download on Amazon, now thru Tuesday June 5th.

If you’re a fan of insightful Young Adult Action/Adventure Fantasy fiction, this book’s for you…and your kids and your kid’s kids and even your kids kids kids kids.

It will make a difference for those who need it, no matter what age.

Start discovering your own Kingdom of Keys... FREE today on Amazon....

Click Here for More Details

FREE Download FREE FREE FREE

Today thru Tuesday May 15th

Get your FREE Kindle Download of
The Freelance Retort Unraveled, Vol.1—
“The Zombies Have Big Heads and other observations”
FREE—Direct from the Archive of Retort
A Top 40 of silliness and insight guaranteed to keep the pages turning
Still in their original absurdity
Now FREE...thru Tuesday May 15th

Did I mention it was FREE

The Zombies Have Big Heads: and other observations from The Freelance Retort (The Freelance Retort: Unraveled Book 1)

amazon.com

Brain Train

I’ve been trying to brain train my brain.

For a while, now...a long while.

But it never listens...and that’s a problem.  It just blabs and blabs and blabs; all day; all night.

Like it has a mind of its own.

My brain is never satisfied...ever.

If you happen to find me sitting quietly, somewhere, on a street corner, munching on a Turkey leg, my brain isn’t thinking, Mmmm, this is one good turkey leg!

 No, it’s thinking...Mmmmm,  I wonder if I could have gotten a better turkey leg at that other turkey leg store...and how did I end up on this street corner? Did I get on the wrong bus again?

Or, if it’s not thinking that, it’s probably thinking, I’m gonna miss munching on this turkey leg when it’s gone. I wonder how long before I get another turkey leg like this one...and what time does the next bus come by?

So by the time I’ve finished munching on the turkey leg, I don’t even feel as if I had a turkey leg.

I’m just some weird guy sitting on an unknown street corner holding onto a greasy, old turkey bone, thinking to himself...Ok, this is weird...I usually go for the wing.

It’s just how my brain works...always has, right from the get go.