Friday, December 30, 2011

Old & Tired — Fresh & New





For the last few days, things have begun to feel tired. 

The Holidays feel tired.
December feels tired.

2011 feels tired.

The air smells old, the light seems dim; even the squirrels seem tired…tired, tired, tired.

12 months… 52 weeks, nearly 365 days.

And in a couple of days we’ll get up and do it again.

But January feels fresh…feels new.  It always does. 

New Year’s Eve…old and tired.

New Year’s Day…fresh and new.

It’s in our heads, I know.  Too many New Year’s Eves with, first, some Guy Lombardo, then Dick Clark and now that Watercress fellow infusing our brains with Auld Lang Syne.

One month to the next is the same as any other.

Yet….

It isn’t….


January....

New calendars, new air, new light, new days.

New mysteries and events... to unravel… to unfold.

The warmth of Christmas dissipates around us as the cleansing cold of New Year’s jolts us into the future. Endless possibilities fuel us, staring towards a distant sky.

Of course none of this could happen without a drunken- celebration.

But not for us; this one we sit out. 

No friends, no family, no Zombies nor Druids…not even a single Cloaked Mystic in the bunch.  Just Z and I, a cozy fire and some Chinese take-out. We watch the ball drop and then our eyelids…if they haven’t already done so an hour before

Which is just as well, because I like to jump out of bed early on “Morning One”; grab the new year’s first cup of coffee and start right in on all those
2011 Top Ten “Year in Reviews”, not to mention the 2012 “Year Ahead” predictions from the assembled mass of sage prognosticators.

You find them in every field, from financial, business and political analysts to psychics, tarot readers, palm readers, tea leaf readers and James Patterson readers, who predict he will publish 30 books this year, none of which he will actually write any part of, other than his name on the cover.

My barber makes Year Ahead predictions also, but since he’s a barber, they only have to do with hair, so no one cares…unless it’s your hair.

My favorite of the Year Ahead predication things are the Year Ahead horoscopes. 

Right there, in a few paragraphs, you can see if it’s even gonna be worth your while to get out of bed this year.
Usually, it is, because horoscopes rarely if ever tell you anything bad.  And even if they do tell you something slightly bad might be in the stars for you, like …after meeting an old acquaintance at the roller derby, some of your teeth may fall out this May…it always has a good outcome, like... you’ll save countless dollars on toothpaste and toothbrushes in the months to come.

I admit, I’m always looking for a sign of some kind of good fortune, be it my daily horoscope or the fortune cookie I select after dinner on New Year’s Eve. And I order extra, so I’ll eat A LOT of cookies until I find one.

I guess that’s the thing about horoscopes or any kind of prognostication; they’re all open to interpretation.  And who wants to interpret that the stars are aligned against you?

Well, me…but, you know…I need the excuse.

For years, I’ve been reading about how a huge success is in store for me, right around the corner. That FINALLY, Jupiter is aligning with Mars and the moon is in the seventh house.

FINALLY….

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind's true liberation….

FINALLY….

But every time I take a walk up to that elusive corner, sneak a peek around to see all that good fortune lined up like so many floats in the Thanksgiving Day parade, all I find is that odd woman from up the street with the little shiatsu who walks with a limp.  I mean the dog limps, not the woman.   The woman walks fine…but barks from time to time.

So something’s missing I guess.

Maybe Uranus is—

No….

Its way too easy to make Uranus jokes.

There’re Uranus jokes up the wazoo….

Sorry….

Or Pluto….

Not only named after a dog, but stripped of its noble planet-hood after years of faithful service, fetching all our cosmic slippers and newspapers.

So all in all, in the end, (no Uranus pun intended…really) the stars align this way or that. They shine on us no matter where we are, even when we try to hide.  Especially when we try to hide.

Stars and planets don’t judge…not even Charlie Sheen.

They merely are...just like you and me.

Constant and never ending. 

Just like that 4th grade Christmas pageant you sat through a couple of weeks ago.

Ancient navigators sailed stormy seas, seeking new worlds….using only stars and planets as their guide.

It’s the same for you and me. 

There are countless astrologers and countless interpretations of the daily stories tweeted from the stars.

But there’s really only one story that matters as we sail our personal stormy seas, day in and day out; the story that we write for ourselves. 

The stars align, the planets revolve. They talk to us every day. 

Like everything else, we hear it or we don’t.

We fear it or we don’t.

Like everything else.

Into the future we go…second by second…minute by minute…hour by hour.

Here and now.

Hearing now….

Unless there’s something good on TV….






________________________________________________
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Now available at Amazon




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also available at Amazon

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Posted by Brian Moloney at 5:05 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Strangest Week of the Year






This week— the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day— is always the strangest week of the year. No one knows what to do with it…or themselves.


Some like to sit around and check out all those 2011 Top Ten lists that come out this time of year, which makes sense, since to make a Top Ten list for the year back in February or March would be presumptuous.


You know, all those 2011 Top Ten Movies, TV Shows, Books, CDs…Famous Dead People.

Imagine how tough it must be to be number 11 on the Famous Dead People list?
So close…. 

Just bad timing really....

Who knew Flipper was so sick?
You can catch up with old friends you haven’t seen in a year for lunch and discover that you really have nothing to say to them, even after a year, which is why you haven’t seen them in a year in the first place.
Still, you appreciate that they tell you look good and haven’t changed, plus the fact that they don’t mention the eight inch hair growing out of your right ear that you forgot to trim this year.
So there’s that….
Some folks like to use this transition week to go on vacation—skiing or sunning—which is nice if you can swing it. Others just hang out at home and watch football and old movies.

And then there are those that actually have to go to work. But even then, there’s usually not much work to be done since most of the people that you usually deal with in the course of a day are out vacationing or at home watching football and old movies.

So you sit around the office and basically have another paid vacation week, in the office.

Also, not bad….

Of course there are some folks who really do have to work. I mean actually work and earn their paychecks. The ones we really depend on to keep the engines running. Like nurses, police, fire, or anyone who actually provides a public service for the greater good.



I mean those half cap de caf mochachino aren’t gonna make themselves.

But for the rest of us, it’s kind of like being neither here nor there.

Or in Secaucus….

The one BIG thing I have to do today is to get over to the Calendar Store and pick up my 50% off calendars. I refuse to pay full price for a calendar. So I wait and cross my fingers that all my favorites will still be there, right where I hid them back in August...behind the “Wives of Newt” section.

My whole year hinges on it; otherwise I won’t know when to go to the beach.

Or I could make my own top ten “Top Ten” list like:

     
1.   The top ten Tuesdays that ended in odd numbers…and there was a chance for a late day shower.

2.   The top ten movies I meant to see but didn’t and then forgot their names when they came on cable…so I missed them again.

I could make that list…or—

3.   The top ten pretzels I ate on a Thursday…not including nuggets.

4.   The top ten 100 year storms we’ve had this year.

5.   The top tdn tipos I’ve mode.

6.   The top ten books I meant to read but couldn’t because I’m still trying to get through “House of the Seven Gables”, which I began in 1982.

7.   The top ten Rigatoni I’ve enjoyed.

And not bowls of Rigatoni; I mean each individual Rigatoni because every Rigatoni has its own unique story.

8.   The top ten names I’ve forgotten…if I could…you know…remember them.

9.   The top ten blogs I’ve written, of which this is most definitely not one.

And finally….

10.  The top ten internet solicitations I’ve received from my legions of internet fans.


Here’s the latest entry that might just grab the prize.  

Hi lonely man!

You are lonely? I too! You search for the partner for life and for creation of family. That we have the common problem. Can solve to us this problem together! And we can exchange the photos. I tell a little about myself: My name is Marina. To me of 30 years old, mine height of 170 centimeters and I weigh 66 kg. Average constitution. I have hair blonde and green eyes. I hope to see your letter.

Marina 

Doesn’t she have just the most endearing way with words? I wish I knew the metric system better. I'm particularly entranced by the fact that she has an average constitution. Because, and I know it’s shallow of me, but who want someone with a less than average constitution.


Not me.


I hope she got my flowers…..




________________________________________________
Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?

Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"

Now available at Amazon




And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”


also available at Amazon

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Posted by Brian Moloney at 5:05 AM 2 comments

Monday, December 26, 2011

It’s Over!




So as we pull ourselves up and out of the mountain of shredded wrapping paper and bows we woke up under this morning; wipe the crusty remnants of lasagna, ham and turkey from our faces, the only solace we can find, as our heads thump to the rhythm of Frosty the Snowman is...it’s over.

It's over...Christmas is over!
Pull the plug on all that holiday good cheer....

Well, sort of. 
The trees remain, with lights and baubles. The streets will continue to glow with mirth and something that rhymes with mirth, if anything does, for at least another week.
The stores will continue to draw large crowds, probably even larger than before the holiday, due to returns and 99% off sales, which means you’ll save about 5 bucks since they were marked up 400% to begin with. 
But for the most part…it’s over.


The gift giving, the eating, the drinking...over, over, over.

Did I say it was over?

Christmas Eve was a relatively quiet affair with just Z and I and my mom.

I grilled fillet and Lobster tail to mark the significance of the occasion.

I'm not sure what Z and my mom had because I was on my third viewing of "A Christmas Story," but I'm sure they enjoyed it just as much as I did mine.

So all in all, I have to say, everything went well despite the fact that Z and I do Christmas a little differently than most around here.

See, we decided a long time ago that we both had pretty much everything we could possibly need, including the entire inventory of the LL Bean catalogue…winter, spring summer and fall editions.  Therefore, we don't see the necessity for all that gift buying for each other. 

Still, we like all the wrapping/unwrapping hoopla of the holiday, so basically we select various household items, wrap them, bow them and put them under the tree.

Last year I gave Z the old dust buster and she gave me the cheese grater.  This year I was originally giving her the mix master, but she needed it to bake her cookies, earlier in the week, so I relented and gave it to her early.
It’s important to be flexible with your gift giving. 
However, I wanted her to have something to open Christmas morning, so being the perennial elf of good cheer that I am, I gave her the Swiffer wet mop, which I have to tell you, was a bitch to wrap.
I got the TV remote this year, which I was hoping for, because I was getting a little tired of getting up to change the channels the last couple of weeks.
After the traditional exchanging of "gifts" we were off to Z’s brother’s house for dinner; you know, the one I mentioned, a while back, who had that big tree fall through his roof during the August Hurricane. Having a big tree in his living room didn’t work for Thanksgiving, obviously, so he got creative and threw some tinsel and a few lights on the thing, so we we’re good to go for Christmas.
See how things work out, especially this time of the year?
Speaking of which, after the Thanksgiving mix up, Z bought me a shirt with my name and legal familial affiliation embroidered on the pocket, so I was almost able to sit at the main table this time around.  Almost...
It’s not that I minded sitting at the smaller kid table…it’s just that I thought it was kind of rude of them, last time, to ask me to leave before dinner…especially since it was my house.  
But you know…families….
Our annual Christmas/Winter Solstice shindig was also well received the other night. At least I think it was…I haven’t had a chance to sort through the survey cards yet.  
I think we have a pretty good chance of improving on last year’s numbers…mostly because no one caught on fire this year. Well…not if you don’t count the cloaked mystic.  But he was only singed.
After some last minute uncertainty over who was possibly bowing out due to illness, or what have you, everyone who was supposed to make an appearance did appear and partied on well after midnight. I think it might have been 12:08 AM to be precise. But I’ll verify the exact time, later, after I scan through the surveillance videos, to determine who took the flat screen TV...again.
Anyway, what can I say?  It's over...another Christmas Day has come and gone. It is what it is. As impossible as that may seem…it is.

And soon it will be the 4th of July. 

Holiday after holiday… the train keeps on chugging.




________________________________________________
Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?

Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"

Now available at Amazon




And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”


also available at Amazon

And while you're at it

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 




Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  


Posted by Brian Moloney at 5:05 AM 0 comments
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