Wednesday, February 27, 2013


I’ve been dieting…again.

And all I want to do when I’m dieting is eat…again.

Like a normal all American overindulgent human being.

Not that I’ve allowed myself to balloon up to my “Fat Summer” dimensions of a couple of years ago.

I haven’t.

But if I don’t put the brakes on and correct course now…who knows.

So I’m dieting.



I know….

Steer clear.

Watch out for the short tempered, irritable behavior that ensues whenever my food supply is altered.

I mean, I think Z could show a little bit more tolerance for my snack sneaking aptitude.

I don’t know why she gets so cranky.

Slipping a whole package of Mallomars between the couch cushions was inspired.

How was I supposed to know they’d melt into a big, dark chocolate, marshmallow mess?

But tasty still ….mess or no.

And who knew mice were so fond of potato chips…in the back of my sock drawer?

So it’s a battle.

And I know that whole thing about how bad it’s supposed to be to yo-yo.  Lose gain-lose gain.

But it’s a long winter…what else is there to do except sit and eat?

It’s not like my pants don’t fit any more. Mostly because I have just about every waist size from 32 -36 in my closet.

But that’s part of the problem.  The best indicator, at least for me, of the rising scale, is when my waist band starts to get a big snug.

The smart, practical move would be to cut back on the calories right then and there.

Or you can just slip into the next size up.

Even though you tell yourself you’re not going to do that…this time.

But…ahhhhhhhhhh…it’s so nice to be comfortable…in the evening, before dinner…in front of the fire, with some tasty appetizers and adult cocktail of choice.

Why ruin it with your pants slicing through your spleen?

So you say, “Just for tonight.”

And the next night and the next night.

Pretty soon you’re saying it all over again, a few weeks later…totally forgetting that you’ve already moved up a size…at least that’s what you tell yourself, when the only thing that will fit you are the living room drapes.

But they’re nice drapes, and like I said….why should I be uncomfortable?

So that’s how dieting goes…at least my dieting.

The truth is I’ve already been on and off it 3 times since I started writing this.

But I’ll prevail…sooner or later, I’ll prevail.

I’ll drop 10, maybe 15, if I’m good.

And then at least I can really start eating again.

But right now I think it’s time to break out the bigger shoes.

Why should I be uncomfortable…?

Monday, February 25, 2013


I’m thinking of becoming a pundit.

For real….

It looks like a pretty cushy job.

And I’m all in favor of cushy.

Plus I think there’s a lot of coffee and danish involved.

You just go from current event show to current event show on any and all of the thousand all day news channels and “Pundtificate” on things.

See I just made up a new word.

It’s probably already gone viral.

So I’m more than qualified.

And as a pundit I’d only have to dress from the waist up, which suits my lifestyle.

See, how I used suits while referring to dress.



The more obscure your pundit opinions are, the better.

Mostly because pundits are not really required to have any direct knowledge on the topic at hand.

They just have to sound like they do.

Kind of what I’m doing now.

I can talk about the economy…I’m for it.

Healthcare…I’m cool with it.

The President…sometimes yes…sometimes no.

Congress…on the fence.

Too much spending…who doesn’t?

Entitlement…who isn’t?

Of course it helps if you have some sort of  pundit “thing” that makes you appear a little quirky and eccentric, to set you apart from the other pundits.

Wearing bow ties is good.

Even better if you wear them someplace other than your neck.

Suspenders are excellent in this regard. Suspenders somehow make you look elitist smart and down to earth, all at the same time.

Snapping them at the end of every sentence… better.

Snapping them on the guy sitting next to you… even better.

Odd eyewear…nice.

Odd eyewear with fake bushy eyebrows and a fake big nose…nicer.

Odd eyewear with real bushy eyebrows and a real big nose…nicer still.

Smoking a pipe used to be a good look for a pundit, but that won’t fly any more.

William F. Buckley used to have his ever present pencil.

But these kinds of emphatic phallic symbolisms aren’t quite as potent anymore when it comes to hitting the nail on the head.

So I’m thinking Twizzlers.

Kind of like a pencil and I can put it my mouth—when it’s not occupied by one or both of my feet— and they taste good too...the Twizzlers, not my feet

Or I could go with a variation and break out the string licorice. Then I could do all sorts of things while making my points…knots, braids, animal shapes...even whips

If you’re really a good pundit you could end up with your own pundit show, where you talk to other pundits.

You could even have a pundit sidekick…or even better, a regular pundit panel.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re opinions are consistent or inconsistent…or somewhere in-between the two.

As long as you sound decisive on any given day.

Because indecisiveness is deadly for a pundit.

Maybe…I’m not sure. But it could be…unless it’s not.

Not that it matters, because no one is really paying attention to what you have to say anyway, mostly because they’re busy eating their cereal and reading the paper, forming their own opinions.

Or more likely, they’re just passing through on the way to finding what channel “I Dream of Jeanie” is on. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

The Board it is a changin…maybe

It looks like 2013 is going to be a busy year in my little hometown. 

Before it’s even a quarter past, we’re going to essentially throw our entire village government into a Yahtzee cup, give it a good shake and see where the dice fall as far as who’s going to be running things in town for the next couple of years.

I mean other than the two ladies who own the deli.

Keep up the good work ladies…we all need you out there! And go light on the Mayo, please.

Of course it wasn’t always this way. As far as I know this is the first time every seat including the mayor’s is up for grabs…last year’s holiday party notwithstanding.

Not sure what that actually means. I just thought it sounded clever.


In the past we’ve just elected a couple of Trustees at a time, so the government could have some sense of continuity going forward…which I guess makes…sense.

But ever since the federal government got involved in our tiny little corner of the nation and slapped our hand because we were doing something wrong that most of us still are unsure of, we have this new system in place called cumulative voting.

But only for the Trustees…not for the Mayor.

Got that?

So basically every spot on the board is open, which means, in theory, the 5th grade class at Holy Roller Elementary could be running things in a few months.

Which could work.

Nah, I’m just kidding. No 5th grader couldn't stay up until the end of the typical BOT meeting.

I used to record them and watch them back on TV, just for the entertainment value, but they started reminding me too much of Sunday dinner at my in-laws, without the food fights.  

All that sniping and bickering…and that’s just the folks trying to get front row seats in the gallery.

What takes place up on the Board is even better. The cameras don’t always show it all, but I think spitballs and snapping rubber bands might be involved.

And that’s in the public forum. One can only imagine what goes on in closed sessions.

Well, maybe you can imagine it. My imagination will only take me so far.

But, like I said, now’s the time to make changes if we don’t like how things have been going in town.

And it’s all a pretty simple process. So simple that we only need to attend a couple of classes, just so we know when to show up, how many votes we get to cast for whom, and whether or not we get to pull a lever or fill in a ballot at a rickety cardboard table with our freshly sharpened number 2 pencils.

The way I understand it is we each get as many votes as there are candidates—in this case 6…not including the mayor—and we can cast as many or as few of them as we want for as many or as few candidates as we want.

But not the mayor…the mayor you can only vote for once…I think…unless you know somebody who knows somebody, who used to go to school with somebody’s aunt from the park…I think.

Got that?

I’m not sure how I’m gonna use my 6 votes yet, but I know I’m saving 2 to vote for the next American Idol.

But seriously, because up to now…well, you know…it’s important that my fellow town folk all get out there and do their civic duty. In the past, these elections have not seen quite the voter turn-out that you would like to see. Truth is a lot of us take these village elections a little too lightly.  But there are a lot of important issues coming up that will be deciding the look, feel and future of our little village by the Sound.

There’s the future of the old hospital property to be determined.  What’s the first thing we want people to see as they’re driving into town…more apartments, a hotel, another box store?

Personally I hope it’s something that involves a giant water slide that runs down the hill and right through Dunkin Donuts.

But that’s just me.

Then there’s this whole big “Amnesty” program going on in town, which I’m still a little fuzzy on, but I know it doesn’t mean if you sign up you’re off the hook for the pack of baseball cards you pocketed at Irv’s back in the 60’s.

I checked.

Also, apparently there’s a code enforcement amnesty deadline involved, which seems to keep getting extended, so if you’re going to sign up, you need to do it before the end of May…or June…or maybe November.

But even though the deadline has been somewhat flexible, if you’re a victim of a bureaucratic blunder, through no fault of your own, I’m wondering why there’s a deadline at all?  I mean unless you’ve been hiding 4 illegal apartments in your basement or an indoor swimming pool and sauna in your garage for all these years, why should you assume there’s a problem?

But again…that’s just me.

I’m not all that enlightened when it comes to such weighty governmental matters. I have enough trouble trying to understand the difference between garbage day and trash day.

So that’s why it’s important that we answer the door when the flood of village government, past, present and future, come a knockin, even if you’re in the middle of changing the kitty litter, whether or not you actually own a cat.

Listen to what they have to say, ask a lot of questions and make an informed decision, based on what you think is best for your own little hometown.

And most of all, no matter what your political leanings, or what you think of one candidate over another, good bad or indifferent…respect the fact that they all care…so much so that they are willing to give up their time and service to make sure, going forward, your streets will be safe to walk at night without surveillance cameras on every porch, your taxes will stay somewhat in check, your schools will be relevant and competitive…and we’ll continue to sit by the gazebo on summer nights and listen to music under the stars.

That’s what this coming election is all about so let’s take it seriously and make informed choices that will really make a difference in our village.

And hopefully the board meetings will continue to be just as entertaining no matter who’s sitting up there.

Fingers crossed….

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Papal Resignation

I heard the Pope is retiring.

Say whaaaaat?

I mean is that even allowed?

Is the Statue of Liberty allowed to retire?

Mona Lisa?

Betty White?

No…so why should the Pope?

I guess maybe we shouldn’t be surprised. I mean it’s not like this never happened before…in the last 600 years.

The last Pope to resign was some dude, named, Gregory XII, who believe it or not was not the only Pope at the time. Nor was he as cool as either of the other Gregory’s—XI or XIII—who came before him and after him…somewhere…maybe.

Apparently his taste in shoes was abhorrent, which some say led to his unpopularity and subsequent resignation.

But you don’t need me to tell you that.

There was also something going on at the time called the “Western Schism”, which if you’ve ever experienced a schism—north south, east or west—you know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, so this current Pope has apparently had enough of the Pope business.

And who can blame him.

I mean saving souls can wear you down after a while…especially with a hat on your head that weighs about 400 pounds. 

And all those encyclicals you have to issue?

As a blogger, I know how much pressure that can put on a person.

But you don’t need me to tell you that.

Plus, I bet after a while a person can only take so much of all that papal “ring” kissing.

 I mean would you want people stopping you on the street to kiss your “ring” all the time?

With everything floating around out there, that’s floating around out there?

I don’t think so.

I guess we should have seen it coming…especially after he was spotted down in West Palm, checking out those senior living monasteries.

Personally, I found all that talk of, “It’s just a time share” a little suspicious.

I also heard the Holy See was changing how they calculated their matching contribution to the papal 401K.

“Whatever God wills…it is what it is”…just wasn’t gonna fly…not in this economy...not even for a Pope.

So he’s stepping down.

But he did give his two weeks…so you really can’t complain.

Even though he tried to slip the proclamation past everyone by announcing it in a dead language.

Fortunately, the “Papal Custodian”, who actually speaks Latin, was on that day, repairing a curtain rod in one of the confessionals, just as the Pope tried to sneak in the big news, right after the winners of the Vatican Super Bowl Pool were announced.

The custodian was so taken aback by what he heard that he reportedly dropped his hammer and shouted, “Holy Mother of God!”, which upset the seated Cardinals in attendance, because…well, they just hadn’t expected her, especially on a Monday, and had nothing to serve.

Eventually, the custodian explained just what he had heard and by the time the assembled group of cardinals stopped fussing over whether or not to pick up a sheet cake—or simply go with pastries—and the historical significance of the moment sunk in, the Pope had already slipped out, as he was late for his weekly game of mahjong.

All in all, everyone is hoping for a smooth transition.

There’ll be a papal election, a puff of white smoke—preferably menthol, preferably filtered—and voila…a new Pope.

And the old Pope says he will have no influence over the new Pope, in any way. Not even in a subtle cluck of the tongue, disapproving eye roll kind of way. I mean how could he, tucked away in a monastery someplace. It’s not like they Skype.

So something new and exciting to look forward to.

Maybe they’ll elect an American Pope…or an African Pope…or an Asian Pope.

Maybe even a woman Pope.

Oh wait…I forgot. There aren’t any women priests, let alone cardinals to even be considered electing Pope.

I guess that makes sense. 

I mean how could a woman ever have the open minded, caring, nurturing, sympathetic, empathetic, tolerant, mollifying, non-competitive, peace promoting, understanding qualities it takes to be Pope?

What was I thinking?


Monday, February 18, 2013

February’s Gift

Despite the snow…and intermittent, constant cold, there’s cause for optimism this time of year.

You can feel the sun gaining more and more strength every day.

The shadows are sharper, the light is warmer…even the colors are brighter.


Cuz you never know.

I mean I assume the winter won’t last forever, but I also assume the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes people are going to be knocking on my door, any day now.

So it’s good to see signs.

You can’t count on the Robin’s…not anymore.  The Robins are here all year round, now. At least it seems that way. 

I came out on my back porch in January and there were about 12 of them jumping around on my lawn. I can’t be certain, but I think they were giving me the stink eye…as if to say, “What…you never saw a Robin before?”

Daffodil shoots, peeking out through the snow is a good sign.

As is the little bit of new red growth extending from the end of the maple tree’s branches.

On the days I’m able to sleep in, morning sunshine, angling high through the bedroom window is nice to wake up to.

On the days I’m not, the wait for the sky to brighten, is hardly a wait at all.

Best of the best, the evening sun hangs higher, lasting longer, every day, a little more than the last.

The western sky paints silhouettes of rooftops long into the evening; chimney smoke drifting into clouds.

Not quite on the homestretch to spring, but definitely on the backstretch, approaching the final turn.

Reasons to be optimistic…a gift…three quarters through February.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Snow Way, PC

I’d have to say we got off pretty easy around here, especially after all the dire predictions in regard to our recent blizzard; the one they called Nemo.


What kind of name is that for a blizzard?

I mean, if we have to name a blizzard—and I’m not sure if we do—it should have a better name than that.

Maybe “Bob”.

Blizzard Bob has kind of a nice ring to it…don’t you think?

Some news outlets were predicting up to 30 inches of the white stuff, presumably snow, depending on where you lived.

And a lot of places got just that.

In our little zip code, they say we were rewarded with about 18 inches.  I heard 23 inches on one news source, but I think that report came from a guy buried in a snow drift outside one of our fine North Main Street establishments.

Personally, I couldn’t measure more than 8-10 inches in my back yard, but I’ve been having some trouble with my old ruler lately, so I wouldn’t go by that.

But no matter how many inches you had in front of your house or apartment, one thing I have to admit is that the roads in my town, after our clown friend Nemo finally wound down, were in perfect condition.

Perfect condition for cross country skiing, snowmobiling, tobogganing, ice-skating…all your basic winter sports activities.

Gotta love a town that puts recreation in front of mobilization.

Maybe we should put in for the next Olympics.

Putnam Avenue would be perfect for the downhill.

William Street, the giant slalom.

The intersection of King and North Regent streets would be perfect for the speed skating oval.

What’s up, PC?

Snow way, this happens…not in PC.

Maybe White Plains or Harrison, but not PC.

Who dropped the big bad Nemo ball, this time around?

This is not my PC…not the town, who usually mans the streets like Patton’s Third Army at the first hint of snow.  The PC I brag about to all my elitist friends, from surrounding snob towns, who routinely find themselves waiting weeks for their DPW to remove debris from their streets after a big storm of any sort.

I really am befuddled. I mean there were trucks and plows going up and down my street, per usual, from about noon or so Friday, well into the evening.

So I certainly can’t fault the DPW workers who were out there working their tails off in the cold and wet, all day long. They always do a great job, long into the night until the last flake has been put on notice. Which is why it was so surprising, this time, to see that as the storm picked up, the trucks seemed to disappear.

The usual comforting sound I’ve come to expect on stormy nights of large trucks lumbering down the road—plows scraping, salt and sand spreaders ching-chinging—was noticeably absent.

By the next morning it looked as if there was well more than half a foot of fluffy new snow in the middle of the road. That is until folks dug out their driveways and ran their cars over it, which then turned it into a skating rink, where even walking was tricky for more than 24 hours, and was still a slushy mess as of Monday morning, in many places.

It was the first time I could ever remember the sidewalks and driveways being cleaner than the streets.

I don’t know…I don’t want to go all “grassy knoll” here, but when I hear statements that the storm was “opportune” in that it exposed the need  to update equipment and snow-fighting techniques. Lessons learned in the storm will be used in the village's budget process” it makes me raise an eyebrow, preferably my own.

It’s not like the biggest election in PC history is just around the corner or anything is it?

I mean snow way this was about politics or potential fodder for election rhetoric.

And even if by some stretch of a wild imagination, it was, I have no idea who would have anything to gain by it…just who has to lose by it….


 So I doubt it will come up.

As storms go, this one was fairly significant, so who knows…maybe this time it was the best we could do, given the conditions and the circumstances. 

But, still, we’ve had worse, and we’ve done better.

What I do know—and expect—is the next big snow—maybe they’ll call it Sneezy—PC will be back on top of its game, clearing our streets in record time.

Who needs the Olympics.

I also expect that most of it will be plowed onto the end of my driveway.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Valentine’s Schmalentines

Okay…so Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.

Like I didn’t know that?

Like I was born in a barn or something?

Right…you are soooooo off base.

It was a garage.

A two car garage.

More of a service bay, actually…at a highway rest stop off of 84.

What can I say…I was in a hurry.

I didn’t want to miss one more episode of Ozzie & Harriet than I needed to.

Okay…maybe I am trying to avoid the issue.

Valentine’s Day.

But I made my feelings on all of that pretty clear…last year…right here.

That’s right…I’m a rhyming fool.

So cool.

I can rhyme all day…

That’s what I say.

Especially if it keeps me from writing about…Valentine’s Day.

Little cherubs….flowers…cardboard organs filled with assorted chocolates, filled with soft, chewy centers.

Who needs it?

I get that everyday watching Oprah.

Big deal.

And I REPEAT…this is not about the stress and pressure associated with my 2nd grade experience counting cards.

It was 1st grade and I wasn’t all that accurate with my numbers yet, so I’m sure I had more cards than the one I counted…from my grandma.

You know…the one she forgot to sign.

And it has absolutely nothing at all to do with the very first Valentine I bought for Z, after we met.

It has to do with the very first Valentine I bought for Z, before we met…between the restraining order and our official first date.


I was young. I thought flatulence jokes were suitable for every occasion.

And yes…that was our official first date, even if there was a mandated, locked door between us.

But who can remember that far back…not without the monthly reminders from the probation department.

Besides, I don’t like to celebrate Valentine’s until the day after, anyway.

Everything’s way cheaper then.

Cards, candy, flowers…all half price.

Even less if you buy from the “year old” bin

But even so, half price or no…I do know how to do Valentine’s.

Despite the incident with the edible underwear…that guy was wearing.

And you can ask Z about the time I hired that glee club from the senior center to sing our wedding song.

You’ve never heard “Aqualung” until you’ve heard it performed by a group of octogenarians, with flatulence issues.

See…always funny.

But this year I’m doing it up really big.

Pulling out all the stops.

Sparing no expense.

And, maybe you’re right.

Maybe I should do it on actual Valentine’s Day…no matter how much more it costs.

But I heard rumblings there might be a “Duck Dynasty” marathon on.

I guess I’ll have to wait ‘til next year.


Can I help it if I’m just a big romantic at heart?

Even with a soft chewy center.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Blizzard Diary

February 8, 2013

6:00 AM – Good news. No sign of snow. Z leaves for work early hoping to park inside to avoid removal of snow accumulation before the evening commute. Not sure how she gets away with it. I would think parking inside a hospital would be frowned upon. I wish her God speed and eat my first jelly donut.

7:00 AM – Bad news. First sign of snow gathers on the front lawn.  No actual snow, just the Zombies across the street, who become annoyed at just the mention of snow, mostly because they have a hard enough time shuffling around on dry pavement, let alone snow. Not sure why they always gather on my lawn, though. I guess they think I can make it go away, mostly because I fixed their cable once. I wish them God speed and eat my fourth and fifth jelly donut.

8:00 AM – Good news. The Zombies finally went home after I agreed to let them have all the Boston Creams. Zombies love Boston Creams.  Good thing. The first real sign of accumulating snow appears. Again, not actual snow…just the stupid sign my “Harbinger of Doom” neighbor, Fred, breaks out whenever they predict more than 4 inches. Fred has signs for most cataclysmic events. Armageddon, the Rapture, the old Mayan Calendar, the New Mayan Calendar, the Super Bowl Halftime show. I wish him God speed and wish I had saved a Boston Cream for myself.

9:00 AM – Bad news. One half inch of actual snow has accumulated. Fred has already baled but left the sign behind in my driveway.  The Zombies have already shoveled their walk…twice. They’re in unusually good spirits for an impending blizzard. Apparently, they made an agreement with the new family down the block—the Donner’s—to eat each other’s dead, if it should come to that.  Zombies...what else is new?

10:00 AM – More bad news.  We’re already out of Mallomars.

11:00 AM – Temperature hovers near Freezing. This annoys Freezing to no end, who tells Temperature to get a life and stop getting sticky chocolate finger prints on her iPad. I slip out of the room undetected and wash my hands.

12 Noon – I retreat to the garage and start the back-up generator to ensure a quick emergency power transition, should it come to that. I also start the lawn mower and leaf blower, just because I’m odd. I miss those guys.

12:30 PM - Due to confusion precipitated by carbon monoxide fumes accumulating in the garage, I gather up two loads of firewood and carry them into the house next door, where the two cute witches live.  They thank me and say they can use it to keep their caldron going at full boil. They express their appreciation by saying they would love to have me for lunch.  I decline…but wish them God speed and ask if they happen to have any Mallomars. They do not.

1:00 PM – Bad news. The snow continues to accumulate. At least an inch and a half on the ground now.  A cold shiver of dread creeps across my spine as the neighbor’s cat creeps across my porch. I suddenly remember, I never had lunch. I decide on tuna.

2:00 PM – Snow begins to intensify.  I warily record nearly 2 inches of accumulation at this hour. There may be at least another 2 inches, but I decide to wait until another hour to record those, when I’m not so wary or feeling woe. Possible sugar crash at work—not sure why.

3:00 PM – Return to the garage to gather more firewood but discover the Vampires from up the block have taken whatever was left. They heard from the witches that I was giving away free wood. I merely smile since Vampires don’t like to be crossed. They tell me they’re making steaks and need the wood to make a fire.  I tell them steaks seem like an odd choice for Vampires and they should be careful not to get burned. They just stare at me with those blank vampire expressions that I hate. The Vampires never get my subtle humor.

4:00 PM - Good news. Z arrives home early from work after driving 20 miles in treacherous conditions. Bad news. She immediately runs over Fred’s sign, which I forgot to remove from the driveway. Z curses and chants something in tongue, which causes the Zombies across the street, still obsessively shoveling their walk, to drop their shovels and run inside, or what passes as running for a Zombie.  I take a nap.

8:00 PM –. After waking, I find the storm has intensified. Actual accumulation and blowing wind is apparent.  I judge about 4 inches. The rest I let slide with just casual observation as I sense those inches are much more sensitive to criticism than the original 4. Z has apparently brokered a deal with the vampires to return some of the firewood. Not sure what the exact terms are but I’m concerned it involves my washing caskets for the next year again

10:00 PM – Bad News. Slept though almost all of CSI: NY.

11:00 PM – Five Zombie s across the street knock on my door and ask if I want my front walk shoveld. Actually, only two make it to the door. The other three are stuck in a drift by the curb.  I thank them but decline. Never allow a Zombie to shovel your walk. They'll never let you forget it.

12 Midnight – Snow falling horizontally. The Zombies stuck by the curb are no longer visible. Decide to call it a night. Leave note to myself not to disturb the Zombies buried by the curb in the morning. Zombies like to sleep in.

1:00 AM – Wake Z to remind her she is free to consume my body should I not survive the storm. She grunts, and reminds me that she’s eliminated fatty meals from her diet and that I never listen.  I wonder if the donut shop will be open in the morning.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

6:00 AM – I awaken to a glorious snow covered expanse.  Unfortutnarely the exanse is in the bathroom as I forgtot to close the window.  Good news…we have survived the storm and the Zombies across the street have already shoveled out my driveway. Bad appears they’ve eaten their dead…or undead…plus they’ll expect me to pay them for shoveling.  Just another day in the neighborhood…except there’s no jelly donuts.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Not Too Bad

8 AM yesterday
8 AM today

12 Noon
Could have been worse.
Blizzard Diary coming on Monday

Friday, February 8, 2013

Cavorting in Cabo

I know…enough with the travelogue…enough with our little trip to Cabo.

After a couple of posts, it begins to feel like sitting in your neighbor’s rumpus room for 3 hours oohing and awwwing over his 1,500 slides of the Eisenhower locks.

 So I’m gonna wrap it all up today…I promise.

Sort of….

Besides there's some sort of a major snow storm approaching that may or may not dump as much as 1,000 feet of snow on the Northeast, so I’m gonna start shoveling as soon as I finish up...even before it starts 

And I’m sure none of you are in the mood to hear about how incredible it is to bask in the warm glow of summer sun, while you’re back here freezing.

So I won’t mention it…I promise…again.

Sort of….

Last summer I wrote that every vacation develops a rhythm of its own choosing. The sooner you discover that rhythm and step in time to its particular beat, the sooner you’re able to let yourself go wherever the music wants to take you.

Well, for wary, greenhorn international travelers like Z and me, on the first day of this vacation we danced to a very slow, dirge like beat, characterized more by a waltz that a ch-cha.

Once we settled in our room and slipped into our shorts and T’s, we met up with K and John by the pool bar and immediately proceeded to confuse the entire staff with our instructions as to what we needed charged to our credit cards and what went to our rooms.

Don’t ask…it’s complicated.

But it was necessary…and it served us well…I think.

And since Cabo is a resort town, everyone took it in stride. In fact, for the rest of the week the staff referred to us as Turistas locos gringos”, which I think translates loosely to “Cool Guys”.

So that was nice.

After catching up over a couple of Margaritas and a heaping plate of Nachos Grande, we decided to pick up the tempo of this vacation salsa and bravely headed out for a stroll around the Marina, which harbored some interesting characters, along with a few yachts, slightly larger than our hotel.

This little “pleasure vessel”, in particular, which was available for a week’s charter at the low, low price of 750,000 Euros or 1,016,025 US Dollars, boasted its own helicopter pad and, of course, helicopter.

Unfortunately our stay consisted of only 6 days and 5 nights, so we had to take a pass.

Not that we didn’t have plenty of opportunity to sail the deep blue seas, as our walk along the promenade elicited at least several dozen invitations to go fishing from a bunch of nice folks eager to help out a group of eager new arrivals.

One particularly nice fellow even offered to show me some pictures of his sister, but Z insisted we had to keep moving; I think because the overwhelming number of friendly locals had her tempted to buy everything from genuine silver jewelry, authentic Mexican sombreros, antique pottery and glassware from the time of Cortez to vintage T-shirts that once belonged Charo.

It was almost as convenient as shopping on Amazon…and everything, we were told, was a really great deal!

As the week progressed, so did the rhythm with every sunrise over the prominent mountain in view of our balcony.  In view of just about everywhere we went, actually.

It also helped that our particular Mexican Conga was aided by the friendly wait staff that serviced the pool, and somehow knew exactly when it was time to haul out the PiƱa Coladas and Strawberry Daiquiris.

We were 2 hours behind US Eastern time so we felt absolutely no guilt over starting by 11 AM…or even 10.

After all, it was noon somewhere.

And since our primary activity for most of the week consisted of lying about on these plush couches, which I believe were designed by Antony & Cleopatra, it seemed like the thing to do.

Of course we also ventured out to the beach most afternoons, as well, which was about a 20 minute walk around the harbor.  Oddly enough, “beaching it” did not seem to be a prime Cabo activity, I guess because in January, the water is only 75 degrees and considered “muy frio” by the locals.

Of course it was far from “frio” for this caballero and I wasn’t coming all the way to Mexico without splashing around in the Pacific for a while…with or without the threat of water taxis potentially introducing me to the bow of their little boats.

Apparently in Cabo, waving your hand over your head, in any manner, whether on land or sea indicates that you are in need of a cab.

It’s not that I minded almost becoming a figurehead for the Gaucho II, but I found it unnecessary for Z to tip the guy on top of it.

But I have to admit, taking the water taxis is a good way to get around to the various beaches and points of interest in Cabo…as long as you’re actually sitting in the boat.

They’ll even drop you off at a remote beach for a couple of hours of fun in the sun, and come back to pick you up…eventually. 

Of course, you have to take into consideration that this kind of aquatic transportation requires you to get your feet wet—literally—in order to get in and out of the boat, once you reach your destination…that is, when you can actually catch up to the boat, which is rising and falling with the ocean swell, even just a foot or two from the shore line. 

Of course being an industrious group, we didn’t have too much trouble in that department as Z knocked me to my knees and volunteered my back as a stepping stool for the rest.

Not that I minded, but I thought they could have told the water cabbie that I was supposed to get on the boat too. 

But not to worry, I somehow channeled my old 25 year old self, ran through the waves and managed to propel myself up and over, twist around and plop firmly onto the bow…much to the relief of my fellow Cabo Cruisers.

Well, I assume it was relief, since they had their backs to me, taking in the last of the sights.

Throw in all the nightly dinners under the stars, complete with a moon rise over the dark ocean horizon and you pretty much have the gist of our Cavorting in Cabo.

Before we knew it, a few days later, the car service was dropping us off at our frigid front door around Midnight, and our summer in January was officially a memory.

A distant memory, even now, but something to keep us warm the rest of this winter season.

Which reminds me, I better go get the snow shovel out.

I think I see a few flakes….