Sunday, September 4, 2011

All You Have to Do is Text - Redux

Originally Posted
June 20, 2011

Carole King wrote:

“Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there…”

Yada yada yada yada…..

Yeah, that’s right. I just yada yada yada yadad Carol King.

Just like George & Jerry.

But I do like Carol King; always have.

My only issue is that nowadays those lyrics won’t cut it.

Nowadays the line would have to be…

“Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call, and or text…possibly e-mail… and I'll be there…”

Yada yada yada yada…..

There’s just that many choices.

And it seems social media texting is definitely becoming the communication conveyance of choice, these days.

In fact I’m texting right now, while I write… with my toes…on my wife’s phone. But she doesn’t mind…really. I mean she wouldn’t… probably…even if she knew.

But let’s keep that between us.

Truth is, texting is great for getting in and out. State your business and then move on.

No idle chit chat about the family or the colonoscopy mix-up.

Just bing bang boom. Later…

It’s also a good way of avoiding people you don’t really want to talk to. Like ex-spouses, or annoying acquaintances…or people that text with their toes.

In the past we’ve all had to endure all those uncomfortable phone conversations where that BIG FAT 800 lb gorilla hung over every syllable.

“Of course I didn’t mean to forget about feeding the cat…in March…or April.”

“, I swear. I really thought my parents had given up Naked Thanksgiving. No…I know…it was a cold day. Everybody could see that…. I know there were splatter issues.”

Now, with texts, all you have to do is tap out:

Hope new cat well. SOZ…again... :(

(the little faces always help)

T O U on Turk Day! Never get over those darn giblets!! :)

Bing Bang Boom and you’re done.

You get in.

                                      You get out…

I also love the secret texters. You know, the ones who for whatever reason don’t want you to know they’re texting.

You might be out to dinner with your new girlfriend and find her sneaking the phone under the table cloth, while she texts away. Or your boyfriend pretends he’s tying his shoe while he tries to steal a quick look at the Blackberry he’s got hidden in his sock.

Or possibly, you’re sitting with your wife—any wife…not necessarily mine— in a fancy fish house—maybe in Rye...doesn't have to be—and the phone beeps or boops or chirps or whatever it does (okay it beeps) and you pretend you didn’t hear anything.

Isn’t that you’re phone?”

“My phone? Oh, I thought it was your phone”

“Nope mines off.”

“Oh yeah, it is mine.”

So you look and smile and say, “Oh look it’s a picture of the new kitty cat!” While all the while you’re trying to find the delete button.

Then your wife—again, any wife…not necessarily mine— says, “Ooooh, I want to see the kitty” and grabs your phone…your brand new… (How should I know what kind of phone it phone that’s not mine?)

So you panic and do the first instinctive thing that comes to mind, which is to shout out "Yellow Jacket!", then swat it out of her hand and into the nearby lobster tank, destroying a brand new $500 IPhone, that WAS NOT discounted or insured!!!

And worst of all, you think you see the lobster smiling while he downloads Angry Birds.

But don’t worry; you’ll never have to speak of this moment again….

All you have to do is text…

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