Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Half Brain Will Travel

Sitting here on a rainy November morning, trying to write something that will stick to something or someone is, I guess, a lot better than sitting there on a rainy November morning, trying to write something that will stick to something or someone...because at least here I don’t have to smile all that much.

Hmmmm...I don’t think that’s it.  No sticking there at all.

Which is odd because one would think that a gloomy fall morning would foster a thread of introspection and open up the door to a plethora of thoughtful ideas.

But that’s how one is, always the optimist, whereas two is just thinking maybe that bagel would have been better if it had been toasted a little bit more.  

Two...never satisfied, no matter what the season.

Nahhhhh...that doesn’t do it, either. Besides, I’ve done the one/two thing more than once...or twice...maybe even thrice. 

I don’t know, well into Retort year 5, it’s becoming harder and harder to share stuff that anyone with even half a brain would find interesting, let alone compelling.

Not that I think any of you have half a brain...I don’t.

Wait...that came out wrong. I mean I know most of you have more than half a brain...way more.

I mean why else would you be reading this?

Of course if you did have only half a brain, then I’d only have to write on half the page...maybe.

I’m not sure.

I mean, what if my half brain is incompatible with your half brain and we’re writing and reading at cross purposes?

Then none of this would make sense to anyone.

Which maybe explains a lot.

Or what if one has a full brain, but only half of it is plugged in at any given time.

Or two forgot to turn off the toaster again because two just expects one to do everything.

Know what I mean?

You do?  Hmmmmm...then maybe we are in half brained sync.

Good for me but maybe not so much for you.

I mean, while perusing my stuff with only a half brain might be somewhat conducive to your reading comprehension, it may make it difficult to perform simple tasks such as using a fork...safely.

If you’re making sense of any of this, right now, then you probably watched the Republican debate last night, which totally rewired your reasoning skills.

So maybe I’m providing some sort of public service, after all.

Maybe I’m some sort of baseline for mental acuity. 

If you don’t get’re good to go and will probably lead a happy, healthy life.

And if you do get it....well, spoons work just as well as forks...maybe even better.

I mean have you tried eating soup with a fork?

Or do you drink soup?

Or do you do both?

More of a “dreat” kind of thing.

Or is it “earink”?

Well, I guess I should let myself go.

You know...half brain will travel.

Cuz I’m obviously not getting anything done, here...or there.

Sitting on a rainy November morning, trying to write something that will stick to something or someone....

I don’t think this is it....


Have you picked up my new book “The Kingdom of Keys”?
No....what's up with that???
Better hurry before they're ALL GONE...which is a lie because they'll never be all gone...never....

So why not buy one just to reward my forthrightness..ness...ness?

You might even enjoy it.

And spread the word...cuz nobody else is....

Just sayin....
Available now at -  Click Here

And while your at it

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 


  1. talk about sticking...did you see the sad news about the wall of gum in seattle?

    as for the soup, i think it depends on the kind of soup it is, your dining company,, and from what kind of bowl/cup you are eating. see. it's complicated. lotsa variables.

    1. Well, I knew you'd get it...

      I read about the Wall of gum? Even I don't get it.....

    2. the gum wall will be back..... some things stick


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”