Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Goodbye July - No Hard Feelings

Am I too late...did I miss it?

Is it still here?

I mean July... did I miss it...did I wait too long?

I did...didn’t I?

Maybe it’s still out back, downing a short one for the road.

Maybe I can still catch it.

July...are you out there?

I think it is, but it’s refusing to talk to me.

Says I ignored it, all month long.

Not even a peep from me, so now it’s just, “So long it might have been good to know ya....”

Summer temperamental. All it takes is one small thing to set them off.

They’re kind of the prima donnas of months.  Like they’re doing us a favor with all their sunshine and warmth.

Unlike their winter cousins, who are just happy we tolerate them at all, let alone need us plying them with accolades and lemonade.

Yeah, I could have posted something here in July, but, to be honest, I was too busy enjoying all the nice summer days and my own version of “lemonade” to actually sit down and spit something out...I mean, other than olive pits.

Okay, that’s not true. I don’t even like olives. It was more like lime stems.

And it’s not as if I haven’t been overly generous to July in the past.

Folks who read these things regularly, mostly cuz they’re too cheap to spring for NETFLIX, know how much I enjoy July.

I’ve talked up July, as well as June and August, for years.

But I guess it’s a “What have you done for me, lately?” kind of deal.


And it’s not like July was all that spectacular, this year, anyhow.

Sure, we did all the normal fun July things. 4th of July BBQ with fireworks viewed from the back porch. Long walks and hikes in the woods. Vacation down at the shore, straddling the ocean’s edge, again.

Yes, July, you were warm and sunny, with plenty of balmy beach days...but you were not without an overabundance of rain, as well.

I mean I’m still mowing my green lawn every week.

What’s up with that?

And what was the deal with all the humidity, July?

I can’t recall a July with such a long stretch of 70 plus percent humidity to go along with the 90 plus degree days, since I was kid in the 60’s.

Back before air conditioning was a given, when I spent every soggy, endless night tangled in a wet sheet, until I finally couldn’t take it anymore and retreated to the basement to sleep in that one cool, damp corner, behind the tool bench, where the dog used to pee on rainy days.

Yeah, sure; it took a while to get used to the smell and balls of old dog fur, but once you passed out it was sweet dreams....mostly about chasing cats and cars, for some reason.

Luckily, those days are long gone, especially since I finally went for it and cashed in my box-tops to have Central Air installed in my nearly 100 year old house.

A bit of a luxury, sure...but, I have to tell you, I wouldn’t hesitate to spend that money all over again; it was well worth it. Especially when one of the installers fell through the ceiling and decorated the wall in my upstairs hallway with his dirty footprints.

It was hi-larious!

And now, it’s always cool and dry in my, best of quiet.

No noisy window air conditioners to rattle the windows and rouse me from my slumber.

In fact, quiet cooling was so important, I upgraded to the very special super duper quiet system that makes it possible to hear a whisper from across the room.
Unless, of course, my next door neighbor turns on his 5 million BTU window unit, which makes it impossible to even hear the TV.

So July is not without its downside.

But I know...I shouldn’t have treated it so cavalierly.

It really wasn’t my intent.

So, July, if you’re reading this, I hope we can put this in the past and start fresh next summer.

I promise I’ll be more “present” for you.

I’ll even fix those nice Coolattas you enjoy so much.

I won’t even complain about the humidity.

Sort of....

So, whatta ya

I’ll take that a yes...especially since you’re locked into that whole solar calendar thing, anyway.

And now, I think I’m getting a little attitude from August who apparently doesn’t appreciate my spending so much time on July, on its first day back.

There’s no winning with these summer months.

Maybe I’ll just go back to the beach until fall drops in....


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  1. Did the AC installer really fall through the ceiling and leave footprints ON THE WALL? As Eric Trump famously said, "is this is true I love it"! Grave warnings about these hot days though eh? Soon we can boil corn in the ocean.

  2. Somethings you can't make up. Well, you can and I do...but in this case it's absolutely true! But other than that they did an outstanding job. Not a plaster crack to be found...


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