The Freelance Retort: Thanksgiving Cavalerity

You can tell the Christmas hub bub season is upon us, because everywhere you look folks are running around gobbling up turkeys.

Get it...turkeys...gobbling up?

I know...what can I say?

It’s a gift.

Which is very appropriate for the Christmas hub bub season.

You know...gift...cause it’s Christmas...right?

Or should I say “Clause it’s Christmas!”...ha ha ha...I can’t get enough of me....

Anyway, once we get through all this big, turkey gobbling, family gathering, giving thanks hoo ha stuff we can get onto the “real” holiday festivities and start drinking egg nog, which sounds gross, and, at least to me, tastes even worse.

However, tradition demands it...for some...not all...and certainly not me.

But first, like I said, if you were paying attention, which I’m sure you weren’t, because who does these days, there’s all this turkey stuff.

Horrified by my Thanksgiving Cavalerity?

I know...sorry...I made that up.

Cavelrity...no such word.

But there should be since it kinds of sums up the kind of second class treatment Thanksgiving gets these days.

Which I’ve written about before...and before that...and before that...and which I’m sure I’ll write about again.

Same ol same ol.

I was on the fence as to which way I wanted to go this year, theme wise...at least until my neighbor pointed out, in no uncertain terms, I was gonna bend his fence...which I thought was rude.

In the past, I’ve done the nostalgia/sentimental thing.

Done the poor poor forgotten and ignored Thanksgiving thing.

Spoke up, out and every other direction, this way and that to bring the focus back on Thanksgiving and hold Christmas at bay, at least until I can get through my second drumstick.

Yet, here we are...again.

So this year I thought I’d do the crabby, cantankerous, curmudgeon Thanksgiving thing, pretending as if it were all just a terrible inconvenience we’re forced to endure before we get to all the Falalalalaing.

I know... the whole crabby, cantankerous, curmudgeon thing goes against the usual positive, rosy outlook for which I’m known, on most days, at least the ones that don’t end in Y.

But, hey...is anyone really gonna miss Thanksgiving if we eliminate it from the holiday roster?

I know the Turkey’s won’t.

Will you really miss trying to explain to your kids why Pilgrims had buckles on their shoes and hats but not on their pants?

Did they really have to shoot the turkeys? I mean they had all that corn and don’t forget the turnips...plus, what about going out for dinner or, barring that, because it’s always hard to get a reservation on Thanksgiving, ordering in?

Take out can be a lot of fun, especially with friends.

Think of how that would have changed the whole Thanksgiving dynamic.

Imagine Gramma shouting from the kitchen...“Who wants more Moo Shu...Kung Pao...anyone...anyone? There’s enough General Tso here to feed an army!”

I bet, if we skipped Thanksgiving entirely most people wouldn’t even notice.

They’d just start celebrating and hanging their mistletoe and tinsel in July....just like Hallmark.

Do we really need to see Aunt Sylvie and Uncle Ed, again, so soon?

Do we really have to burn the rolls, drop the sweet potatoes and watch the dog eat all the stuffing we forgot on the counter, again...already?

Do we really have to watch football and pretend we care about the Lions.

There’s not even a decent Thanksgiving movie to watch...let alone presents to unwrap.

And what about all that “Thanking” and “Grateful for this and grateful for that” hooey patooie.

That’s right...I said hooey patooie!

Do we really need to close all the stores, even for a few hours, just so their employees can eat dinner with their families...or at least desert?

I mean, isn’t that why they invented the “Happy Meal”?

Ten minutes, that’s’ all you need...you’re in and out.

Think of the shopping and wrapping we could get done if we could forgo all of that.

And what about all that apple and pumpkin pie?

I can live without the pumpkin, or any dessert product manufactured with a vegetable substance...but I do kind of enjoy me a tasty apple pie.

And I have always been drawn to the turkey drumstick, in an old King Cole kind of way.

And it is kind of fun to watch Aunt Sylvie salvage whatever stuffing the dog left behind, while Uncle Ed tries to convince everyone dog saliva is known for its medicinal properties.

And a month of Turkey sandwiches and other miscellaneous leftovers is always something to look forward to.

Plus it is kind of cool to have a party on a Thursday afternoon.

Besides, I think there’s some sort of Charlie Brown Thanksgiving thing.

I suppose I can wait another month for presents...I suppose.

And maybe being thankful and grateful at least once a year won’t kill me...too much....maybe.

Especially for those of you who put up with all my nonsense and take the time to read this silliness, without cursing too much or throwing stuff at my house.

To all of you...have a great Thanksgiving...and if the take out idea sounds good...go for it!

You’ll thank me later.

And try to hold off decorating the tree, at least until you open your fortune cookies....

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Thanks to everyone who's already picked up a copy of "The Little Red Christmas Ball"!

I'm happy to say, a lot of folks have taken to it's fun Christmassy message and shared it with family and friends.

Join the adventure and “The Little Red Christmas Ball” will shine bright and hold tight as your family’s new holiday tradition, this year...and every year to come...

Thanks, again....