Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Jul-august Rescinded

Jul-august has been rescinded


So if you have plans in August, you’d better get to them.

If you haven’t already missed them.


My bad.

Apparently I didn’t have the proper paperwork in place to create a new time continuum.

Apparently I filled out the paperwork for  creating a new space continuum, which means I can now fit all my sweater vests on the closet shelf…but not add on to the already established Gregorian calendar to delay wearing those sweaters…even for a couple of weeks.

Apparently it annoys Gregor.

The Putz…

So these two guys in suits show up at my door the other morning, asking for me.

Naturally, I did what you’d expect anyone in a similar position to do.

I sent them across the street to the Zombie’s.

Which really didn’t fool them.

Not much past lunch, anyway, when the Zombies gave me up.

Zombie Putz’s

When they returned—Zombie bag in hand—the two guys in suits told me not to be too hard on the Zombies because they discerned  right away, none of them were me.

They said the Zombies were much better dressers than what they were told to expect.

Which annoyed me because, let’s face it, the Zombies pretty much just throw on any old thing they find lying around in the morning, nor matter who or what is wearing it.

Anyway, they told me I was in violation of Universal Law 43-56.733-2…which was a relief because I was a little concerned they were going to try and saddle me with Universal Law 43-56.733-4…which is a whole other kettle of fish…

And if there’s one thing I don’t need right now is more fish…to fry or otherwise.

Know what I’m saying?


Now that is odd….

Bottom line is, I have to rescind Jul-august, recall all the amended calendars, and put everything back in time the way I found it.   

So anything you may have been doing over the last 10 days…didn’t happen.

And that Jury Duty notification you received that said you must report on August 4th…sorry about that.

Also, it’s probably best to move out of that summer beach cottage you thought was open for the last 2 weeks…it wasn’t….it isn’t.

So those annoying people who were sleeping in your bed when you arrived were right.

Don’t worry… the police will understand the mix-up.

Plus, I’m pretty sure that deposit was refundable…maybe.

And if your mortgage payment was due on the 1st  and you missed it…the banks are pretty cool about that kind of thing…for the most part.

No harm no foul…for the most part.

And if you’re upset about all of this, you can imagine how I feel….

Nah… I’m kinda sure you can’t.

Truth is it doesn’t affect me all that much.

I’m pretty much in the dark as to what day of the week it is most months…imaginary or not.

The only real down side for me is it gives me less time to annoy people.

So it’s back to business as usual for everyone. Re-adjust your internal calendars and turn the clock ahead…way ahead…like 12 days ahead.

It’s August 12th —unless it’s later—and it’s back to business as usual…whatever that may be.

Get your noses out of the roses and back on the grind stone.

You’ve got a lot of lost time to make up.

I know I do….

Nah…not really….
Now where is that lost shaker of salt...?


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  1. Ah ha! Now I know, having read your confession that you sir are a Time Bandit. We have a phrase over here in the ancestral hinterland and that is: "You have been clocked" It was you flying around in that UFO recently. Up to no good as usual with your beach-bum attitude to retortery.

    1. I want to respond to this but I can't seem to find any time....

  2. This is sooo mystifying. It is on a level with: Why am I here? Have you figured that one out yet? And what about my check that was supposed to be in the mail????? Well, never mind. I guess we all know that time and tide wait for no man.

    1. This 'Why?' issue is a good point. I'll telly you why later. ;-)

    2. Having thought about it. http://lyriclines-lettsy.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/in-beginning-was-why.html

  3. Well, obviously you're here to read my silly stories and provide insightful commentary that sometimes have me scratching my head, along with most of the commentary that's seems to come this way...but I wouldn't have it any other way. And while it's true, time and tide wait for no man, it does, oddly enough wait for women...just like all the rest of us....

  4. Oddly enough the fish comment hit a cord.....anyway, so glad the world is back on track....September can't come fast enough for me...


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