Friday, August 1, 2014

Jul-august Arrives

In some circles, the calendar just flipped over to August.

But not my circle. 

Nu-uh….I’m not ready to let go of July…not yet…not entirely.

So I’m declaring the period from now until further notice to be…Jul-august.

Kind of like Gelato…only better, without all that messy fruit.

Sort of like ice cream….but not really.…

So it’s Jul-august….officially.

Because I said so.

And the beauty of it is, I can pretty much make a reservation for just about anything I want, just about anywhere I want to go…because, who else thought to book anything for Jul-august.

Want a primo room on the beach at your favorite shore spot…?’s yours.

Want a great table by the window at that impossible to get into Riverview steak house…?

Pow…you’re in.

And if someone misguidedly shows up to claim the August 1st reservation they made with that little Gnome guy, 6 months ago…you show them one of the fancy new calendars I just had printed up.

What…you though I’d be unprepared? 

“Sorry…August 1st isn’t for another week…maybe two.”

What can they say?

It’s right there on paper.

And if you need to, which I doubt you will…you can just direct them to The Freelance Retort and this story.

What more explanation would they need?

The other good thing is it gives all your friends—the ones who are always saying they’re so disappointed they didn’t have enough time in July to throw that pig roast, and now August is pretty much filled up, as well—plenty of time to catch that pig and throw something together.

I mean who amongst you has already made plans for Jul-august?

Nobody…that’s who.

Well, except me. I’ve already booked my colonoscopy for Jul-august 13, which I can’t wait to get to, you know…once they figure out which proctologist is scheduled to work that day.

Hey…if they cancel they cancel. At least I tried.

Unfortunately, it’s not all smooth sailing, this Jul-august transition thing.

One problem with Jul-august is, since it’s new, the weather prognosticators don’t really know what kind of weather they should get wrong.

Should they say it’s gonna be rainy so you’ll re-arrange all your outdoor plans, only to  have it turn out sunny…or vice versa.

Or should they just say to expect typical Jul-august weather in the days ahead, and leave it at that.…

After all…Jul-august can be pretty unpredictable, especially since I just made it up.

So that’s another way to go.

Of course, all the catalogue companies will be in a bind, as well.

“Can you believe that JJ Potterbean is sending out their Fall Preview catalogue, already, and we haven’t even gotten through half of Jul-august…?’

Annoying, right?

Or what about all those unsettling Back to School ads?

“Can we at least enjoy Jul-august before we have to start thinking about school?”

So to all of you worrying about summer slip sliding away…before you reach your indigestion… relax…it’s only Jul-august and you’re not at all slip sliding away….

Or something like that….

What do I know…other than it’s Jul-august.

Go out and enjoy the season…there’s nothing else to do.

Do you really think your boss scheduled any meetings or projects for Jul-august?

Ahhhhh…now you’re getting it…..

And everybody knows the fish are biting in Jul-august…or, if you prefer….they’re not….

But if this whole messing with the seasons thing makes you uncomfortable...just wait until that's a time of year worth waiting for....

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  1. I can't wait for's going to be a great time of year!

    1. Well, once Aug-tember is over I 'll allow you to have your fall.... until then try to keep out of trouble.

  2. I'm looking forward to that extra payday in Jul-August.

    1. The checks in the mail...I mean I assume.... I'm only in charge of seasons. I'm not a miracle worker...

  3. july was like summer purgatory.... trying to start summer, so thanks...i will take julgust, i need a few stolen days to catch up!!!

    1. No problem...always happy to accommodate. I'm a's what I do....


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