Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Less Letters

Do we really need two Ds in address?

I mean, isn’t that a waste of D’s time?

We’d still get it with just the one D.

Notice I’m not even bringing up the S’s.

Pick your battles, right?

If there’s any letter used to excess…it’s S.

Excess being a prime offender.

Who wouldn’t get it without the extra S?

Not to mention the extra F in offender.

Another one.

Halloween just passed, and while we might need the extra E for the “een” effect, did we really need to waste that additional L.

What the Hell…again.

The L.



Works just as well…don’t you think?


Do you?

Who came up with all these wasted letter rules, anyway?

Some guy name Al probably…with L envy.

Because All’s he ever wanted…this Al.

So he encumbered the rest of us with all these extra letters.

When just one leter, like T, would do.

Never thought about it before, did you?

Yeah…that’s how most people are.

Never give much thought to something until it starts affecting you directly, do ya?

Like that F in affecting.

There are so many better things that F could be doing right now, as well as that T in better, rather than aiding your pronunciation.

I mean if you don’t know how the words are supposed to sound by now….

Besides, we could probably use all those secondary, weak sister letters to make all sorts of new words.


What’s it mean?

How should I know?

I just made it up.

It can mean anything I want it to mean…like all the other words when they were first made up.

Do you think the guy who invented “Handle” knew what it meant?

No…he just went around with this great new word, looking for something to apply it to.

One day, he got tired of never being able to open any of his kitchen drawers so he stuck it there and we’ve had handles ever since.

Make sense?

It does…really?

Okay…well then, I think I’m going to assign FLSTDRABIGO to mean the thing that happens when you put your shoes on the wrong feet.

“Damn…FLSTDRABIGO again!”

I mean it’s not something that happens every day…once a week, tops...so it should be able to just sneak into the lexicon, gradually.

I was going to assign it to the thing that happens when you put your underpants on backwards, but since that happens a lot more often…at least to me…I thought it would be a little bit of over kill.

So you can see I’m not taking this lightly.

I’ve given it a lot of thought.

Maybe too much thought….

But look…I just slipped an extra O by you…twice.

Although one can argue that in these particular cases the extra O is necessary.

One can argue…but I disagree.

And I don’t think I even need to mention the abomination of excess that “necessary” brings.

Or excess…or disagree….

It an endless battle.

But somebody has to fight it…it might as well be me….

I’ll just add it to the list….


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  1. Brian, I know you are leading a double life. You are having a love affair with words. And I am enjoying it al vicariously.

    1. Shhhhhhh...I'm trying to be discreet. I applaud you for losing the the L, but you left the F in affair.....

  2. Give me an A for efort if nor for achievement.

  3. Good points in this retort actually. I personally think that X should be crossed out of the alphabet. Along with H. Phone could then more simply be fone and as for that silent P what were they thing of??

    1. I happen to like X, at least in style...much like Z, which I happen to be married to...for better or worse which I'm constantly reminded....

  4. have you spending too much time painting models w lead paint in small, enclosed areas? is this a cry for help??

  5. Help! Where have all the models gone? Lost in the X-files no doubt.

  6. Hey...it's not like I make this stuff up.....


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