Monday, December 21, 2015

Of Longer Days and Shorter Nights

Longer days await us...once we get past this, the longest night of the year.

Winter Solstice occurs today at 11:48 PM EST, or at the exact time I’m posting this account of the topsy turvy, seasonal event.

So, if you’d like to take this story and stand it on its head, it should balance perfectly on one end or the other, due to the equidistant placement of the earth’s poles...or something like that.

Or you might start clucking like a chicken.

Not sure which

I don’t know...I’m just making stuff up I think I may have heard one time, somewhere on some TV station that was asking for money, so don’t blame me for inaccuracies’s almost midnight, the sun is standing still in the sky...someplace...for the next few days...and you expect me to research this stuff?

In any case, the good news the days will begin to get a little longer, one day at a time as the nights get a little shorter, one night at a time, just like my old Aunt Mabel, who claims she’s lost about 4 inches since the 90s.

So that should make it a little easier, getting through these next few months of winter, which also, not so coincidentally joins the party at the exact same time as the solstice.

Go figure...almost as if it were planned.

However, this year it looks as if Winter is going to have to share, at least the next couple of weeks or so, with Fall, which accounts for the balmy mid October weather in December, which we discussed the other day.

It seems Fall wanted to check out what all this Holiday hub bub was about, which just annoyed Winter to no end, since Winter likes to have all its Christmas shopping done before it comes on the job, and now has nothing to give Fall.

Not that Fall expected anything from Winter since the most Fall has ever gotten from Winter in the past was a chilly, “ are you...and goodbye.”

And on top of everything, Fall is giving Winter all this nice, warm weather, which Winter just sees as another example of hoity Fall’s “At least some people enjoy me...” attitude.

Of course this hits Winter right in its icy cold heart because, deep down, Colorado skiers, aside...who really looks forward to winter?

Is it any wonder Winter is so cold?

So now, having Fall around with its milder temps suppressing Winter’s icy Canadian jet stream, trying to break through from the north, it’s just another brick in the load...which, to me at least, just seems unsanitary.

But I’m seeing signs of a thawing—so to speak—already.

Fall’s mixing up a pitcher of holiday appropriate, raspberry margaritas and just lent winter one of the Hawaiian shirts Summer always leaves behind on Autumnal equinox getaway day.  You know, because super entitled Summer can’t pack his own stuff.

And Winter just made a catty comment about never knowing what kind of sunscreen you’ll find on Summer’s collar, which Fall didn’t really get but laughed out a big belly HO HO HO, anyway, just to be polite.  

So maybe this won’t be the natural disaster that one would expect when two seasons collide like this.

We can share the icy chill of Winter with the warm autumnal breeze of Fall, for a little while longer.

Why not?

Besides, it’s better to dream of a white Christmas, just like the ones we used to know, than to actually shovel out our driveways from a 30 foot drift...just like the ones we used to know.

Oh, wait...gotta go.  The raspberry margs are ready and Fall’s already got Winter on its second.

Believe me, the last thing you want is Winter waking up with a hangover....


Now that’s cold.

Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?

Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"

Now available at Amazon

And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”

also available at Amazon

And while you're at it

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 


  1. the solstice abringeth summer just in time for christmas! merry christmas, brian!


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”