Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Snow Way...a Snow Day!









We’re in the middle of a Nor’easter here in the Nor ‘east.

Which seems to make sense.

It’s also been classified as a Blizzard...or potential Blizzard, providing it meets specific criteria, set up, I guess, by the Blizzard association or bureau or something.

I’m not going to get into what that criteria is, because, one...I don’t want to bore you...and two...I have no idea what that criteria is, and I’m not about to go find out.

But I think it has something to do with a lot of snow and wind.

I’m not sure if this particular nor’easter is measuring up, at least where I sit, despite all the dire predictions, but it’s enough to render one house bound and be a disruption to one's normal routine.



Whereas, I would, on a typical winter’s day, sit inside staring at my computer, Googling shocking facts I never knew about “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir” all day...today, I’m relegated to siting inside staring at my computer, Googling shocking facts I never knew about “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir”—the TV show, not the movie—while Z, who wasn’t able to get to work, even though I offered to worry...a lot...until she arrived safely...runs around the house cleaning and rearranging “everything” in sight and out of sight, some stuff I didn’t even know we owned.

Yeah...so annoying, right?

And don’t get me started on all those distracting aromas of fresh baked Irish Bread...and brownies...and chocolate chip cookies...and maybe some hot chocolate and popcorn coming from the kitchen.

Maybe....

I mean, how am I supposed to focus on all the behind the scenes shenanigans that took place between Hope Lange and Edward Mulhare, who speculation has it, wasn’t even a real ghost...although I’m pretty sure he was.

How else could he pop in out of a room like that?

Hold on, I have to go help Z vacuum the ceiling...again.

I mean, why she can’t hold the vacuum upside down, over her head alone, is beyond me.


Okay, I’m back...and no...I am not taking full responsibility for breaking all the wall sconces. I’ll only admit to half...maybe two thirds.

Hey, a man has to scratch when the itch strikes.

Anyway, another annoying thing about being prisoner of the storm is the all-day news coverage.

As if they’re telling us something we don’t already know, just by looking out the window...all day.

“Let’s go now, to our own, intrepid Missy Fairweather braving the storm from the corner of Main and Not Main. Missy?”

“Yes, Chuck, I’m standing on the corner of Main and Not Main, where you can see the snow is still falling and accumulating on the ground. In fact, if we can tilt the camera down you can see the toes of my shoes are nearly fully covered. And I can report at this time that the wind is wreaking havoc, blowing the snow directly into to my partially uncovered face. And yes, this snow is definitively of the cold variety and viewers should try to avoid it at all cost, especially standing on the corner of Main and Not Main.”

“Missy, have you seen any evidence of the feared, tragic effects of this storm that most were predicting?”  

“Yes, Chuck by my reporting I can tell you that not more than a few minutes ago...a few minutes ago across from my very location, here on the corner of Main and Not Main, one unfortunate pedestrian, a pedestrian who apparently ignored all our warnings, stumbled while stepping into a half frozen puddle. If we can pan our camera over and zoom in, you can actually see what remains of that frozen puddle. While the extent of the physical carnage caused by this incident is unclear, my sources tell me that in addition to the obvious shoe soaking, there was also, apparently, severe sock saturation, which as you know could possibly lead to frostbite implications, not to mention, the  potential for total foot amputation.  Oh, and I’m just getting this in from another source, right now...right here on the corner of Main and Not Main, there is also evidence of an uncomfortable groin pull....although we have not been able to confirm that with our own reporting.”

‘Well, there you have it...the human cost of storms like these. Inconvenience to some, life changing to others. It makes you wonder. Thank you, Missy for that heart rending report. Stay safe...”

“I will, Chuck...and I’ll be back in 5 minutes for another report.”

And I do wonder. I wonder what I’m missing on “Days of Our Lives” and why Z is asking me if we really need all those dirty parts put back on the boiler.

Beats me....

I’m just sitting here listening to the windows rattle, watching the snow fall...with an extra pair of socks in my pocket.

Cause you never know....

Oh wait...I think it’s tapering off. 

Is that the sun coming out?

Missy...oh, Missy.

How we’ll miss you, Missy....

_________________________________________

Hey, what are you waiting for? 

Don't be left out in the snow.

 Pick up a copy of my new collection of Retorts....

Still "fresh" in their original "absurdity"...

Not to mention, "freshness"....

Hey...somebody has to...why not you???



and





Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  






While you're at it

Check Out






&













7 comments:

  1. I always click here to read the rest. I expected a reward -- an explanation of what went on, you know, with the ghost and Mrs. Muir. You never said, so I guess I'll have to google them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Links in the post, just kike the ghost...you won't be disappointed!

      Delete
  2. we got a bonus blizzard day today! the wookie loves the company and especially LOVES snow. even if she was paws deep during the dreaded storm and evacuating proved challenging. then i cleared a small portion of the yard. and wouldn't you know it, she still had to find the deepest spots to do her duty. so those ghosts will be found when the snow melts... aren't you glad i shared? ;0)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I enjoy all the "Snow Wookie" pics on FB. It fills my day trying to dicipher all your "crappy" euphemisms...

      Delete
    2. the snow wookie is certainly one of a kind! and im not sure which euphemisms you are referring to...

      Delete
    3. And I thought I was being so clever in my poopy observation...

      Delete
    4. i remember the post.... it was a crappy situation... ;0(

      Delete

Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”