When Last Convened….

When last convened, I was opining on how quickly we’d progressed from January to July, in the blink of an eye.

And now, with yet another blink, we’ve landed in the waning days of October,

I really need to get some eyedrops.

I wonder what would happen if I sneezed?

Hello, 2055!

If all goes according to plan, I’ll be 101, in 2055.

101, thinking…Ahhh, I miss 91…them were the days!

All that wild partying and galivanting with the hot chicks from the Geriatric Cognitive Dissonance wing.

I’ll probably be signing up for Medicare Part Y by then; still without Dental or Vision coverage.

But that’s okay, because, by then, I’m sure they’ll have found a way to regenerate bicuspids and corneas.

Have snap on Knee and Hip replacements.

Velcro shoulder replacements.

Total Brain recalibration and rehydration that will allow us to recall where we left our keys…back in 2014.

So that should be pretty cool.

In the meantime, how was your summer?

Probably hot.

Probably more than hot.

Probably down right uncomfortable.

But who remembers all that, now?

Now we’re more than a month into fall with Halloween and the unavoidable “Holiday Downhill Plunge” knocking on the door.

Speaking of which, I’d be remiss, in this season of ghosts and goblins, if I didn’t at least mention “The Zombies Across the Street”. 

I haven’t written about the Zombies in quite some time, a fact I’m reminded of, daily, by the nasty look I get whenever I catch their eye, which is disconcerting, in and of itself, because catching a Zombie’s eye is kind of gross, not to mention unsanitary.

Plus, I never know who’s throwing the eye, because a lot of them have taken to wearing sunglasses, even at night, which is a little weird.

I guess they think it’s a “look”.

Who knows what goes on inside a Zombies head? Although, with some, you can actually see right in there, which can be distracting, especially if you’re having a serious discussion…even more so, if it’s about politics.

But, as I said, The Zombies have been avoiding me for quite a while, now; ever since I published my collection of past retorts and referred to them by name, in the title.

I think they thought they’d be featured more prominently, throughout the book, which wasn’t the case.

I tried to explain I'd never intended to write exclusively about Zombies. I just wanted an offbeat, catchy title.

Which, apparently, was exactly the wrong thing to say, since, now they feel exploited.

I exploited them…really?

Like I was the one who made them shuffle all around, like they were the only ghouls in town?

So it’s been all downhill from there.

I even tried giving them a hand, last Saturday, while they were out front, raking leaves.

I found it up the street, on the sidewalk; so I thought I’d do the neighborly thing and see if I could locate the owner.

And I have to say, it almost worked, as they responded favorably to my gesture. There was even some mention of going inside to “bury the hatchet”, which I appreciated, but said I’d have to take a rain check…for obvious reasons.

At least the situation is a little better between us now, but still on the tense side, which is not the side you want to be on when dealing with the undead.

Hopefully, things will return to normal after Halloween.

The Zombies really enjoy giving out candy and interacting with all the neighborhood kids, who make a big fuss over them, so that should raise their spirits...so to speak.

Attention, attention, attention…it’s what a Zombie lives for…or doesn’t.

___________________________________

Need a Retorts Refresher?

Available Here

Still in their original absurdity....

___________________________________________________

Looking for More....

and

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 

 on Twitter   

Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  

Retort to the Retort – FreelanceRetort@gmail.com