The Freelance Retort: Back Then

With Halloween’s ghosts and ghouls well in the rear view, we now commence gobbling up bushels of November days, trotting ever onward toward Thanksgiving.

See what I did there?

I incorporated as many cliched, Thanksgiving references I could stuff into a single, festive serving.

There…I just did it again!

Not easy….

No indolent MeleagrisGallopavo, am I. You won’t catch me sitting idly by, bogged down in cranberry jelly dodging Turkey shot.

Uh uh…not me…

Besides the fact, I prefer lying, idly by, I’m always on the lookout for new and exciting gobbledygook to confuse the issue and keep you, the reader, scratching your head.

How’m I doing?

So, we snuck in another Halloween, last week; complete with several Billion little holiday revelers pounding on our front door. It was a bit touch and go for a while, whether or not we would. The weather was an issue, most of the day, with a threat of heavy rain in the evening. Luckily, except for a few isolated showers, it held off and we shoveled out a couple of truckloads of “Fun Size” candy bars.

Although, as I queried,last year, what’s “Fun” exactly about teeny weenie candy bars.

So I’ve started a campaign aimed at all the major Willie Wonkas among us, to rebrand these “Fun Size” confections more appropriately as “Terribly Life Crushing, Disappointment Size”.

Which—besides the fact, I used the same line last year and it still sounds a bit harsh—I believe is more appropriate.

Why sugar coat it…so to speak?

Anyway, the holiday frivolity started particularly early, this year, mostly because I forgot to shut the front door.

And, despite the fact I’d yet to turn on the porch light, the universal, suburban, signal of “we’re open for business”, the first little knock sounded on our glass storm door at precisely 4:30 pm, and there, with a beaming smile, stood a little golden haired, 3 -year-old princess, shouting, “Trick or Treat”!

Having yet to bring up the first truckload of candy from the basement, I was caught totally unprepared. Mostly because, In the past, I’d still be upstairs, at 4:30, hiding, under the bed, waiting for Z to come home to organize things…and pretty much do all the candy handing outing.

Luckily, I just happened to be munching on a bag of pretzel nuggets, at the time, so, not wanting to be the primary source of early childhood trauma, I opened the door and selflessly, dropped a couple of my last remaining nuggets into The Princess’s little plastic pumpkin, to which she excitedly responded with a great big “Tank You, Happy Halloween!”

At which time, I took the opportunity to provide a minor bit of friendly instruction in the proper Halloween protocol regarding front porch lights, which for some odd reason, made the Little blonde Princess drop her plastic pumpkin—nuggets and all—onto the walkway, and begin to cry.

Horrible right?

I mean I could have eaten those nuggets myself!

What?

Oh, come on…I’m kidding. I’m a kidder!

What kind of a monster do you think I am?

Do you really think I would make a little blonde Princess cry on what might have been her very first Halloween?

No…it was her mother who was crying.

I mean she should know the rules…right?

And besides, it was more cursing than crying.

Although, I think I saw a few tears…yet they might have been mine.

But I’ve strayed terribly from the primary theme of this particular dissertation.

As the night of spooks and demons progressed, I found myself observing, as is my wont, the wonder on the faces of all the other little Princesses, Ninjas, Spider Men (apparently there are a variety of them now), Werewolves and even some make believe Zombies (I think) as they crisscrossed lawns, ran up walks and bounced up porch stairs…all without a single regard as to how really unusual this all was.

Somehow, on this solitary night, even a three-year-old, is free to knock on a neighbor’s door, shout a phrase as meaningless to them as “would you like tap or sparkling with that" and have a bunch of smiling adults ply them with all sorts of candy…along with the occasional pretzel nugget.

There’s nothing for a kid to question about that. Nothing to make them wary, in a world filled with insanity. No wondering…What’s the catch here? This seems a little too easy too easy.

It’s just Halloween and somehow, it’s all okay.

Which then got me thinking, which is also my wont, when was the last time I felt like it was all okay…other than that time in Vegas, which is a story for another time…or maybe not.

When was the last time I had absolute certainty anything was as it should be and I couldn’t ask for more?

Maybe 1960, when I was six years old, marching down the streets of my own neighborhood, decked out in my Zorro outfit, safe behind a mustache and a mask with assumed anonymity.

“Happy Halloween…Trick or Treat…Thank You!”

That’s all there was in that moment.

Plus, the manic imaginings of counting out all that candy, later…or at least all the candy left over that the older Hooligans I walked with didn’t take for themselves.

The price I happily paid to hang with the older kids.

At least that’s what they told me.

As kids, we dwelled forever in our happy moments, seeking one out after the other after the other and onto the next.

Once Halloween was past our excitement turned to Thanksgiving and the thought of 72 family members seated at a Table meant for 8, fighting over 2 drumsticks…and wasn’t it great!

Spotting the first snowflakes of December floating outside your third-grade window elicited a primal thrill, overpowering the monotone emanating from the front of the classroom regarding the major imports and exports of Brazil.

Snow Men, Sleigh riding, Snow Balls and frostbite…was all we could think about!

And that would lead our thoughts in only one direction; the coming season of Ho-Ho-Ho and all things jolly, not to mention holly.

It’s how we thought, as kids…back then.

And from what I could observe, outside my Halloween front door, it’s how kids still think…right now.

Somehow, as the world evolves around us and we grow into hard headed adults, we lose sight of that simple fact.

It’s all about the moment, in question…without question.

And if candy is involved…all the better.

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Join the adventure and “The Little Red Christmas Ball” will shine bright and hold tight as your family’s new holiday tradition, this year...and every year to come...

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