Friday, April 12, 2013

Questionable Compliments

I read an article, recently, that talked about women who pay men compliments that are really not compliments at all.

Needless to say, I found this disturbing…because a talking article is just weird….

And if it's really needless to say, then why am I saying it?

But I digress.

Seriously, though, because we all need to be serious from time to time--at least according to that judge— I thought it was something worth discussing.
You know, like when a woman tells her husband how cute he looks trying to fix the lawn mower. 
Granted, it’s a given that any activity that requires a ratchet wrench and motor oil is intrinsically adorable, but when a fella is trying to figure out what end of the mower the blade goes, adorableness is the last thing on his mind…although I suppose some things can’t be helped.

Besides, when one is engaged in serious “man business”, being equated to a puppy playing with a shoe is kind of rude.

Other so called compliments that tend to make men cringe are any sort of comments that reference “today”. You know things like:

  • You look nice, today.

What, I don’t usually look nice?

  • You smell good, today?

Same as above.

  • You didn’t screw anything up, today…at least not too badly…that can’t be fixed…someday.

Kind of backhanded compliments, don’t you think?

Then there are the compliments that begin with “I didn’t know”:

  • I didn’t know you could make toast.

  • I didn’t know you knew what a hamper was.

  • I didn’t know you could bathe.

And when a guy tries to do something really helpful, like doing the laundry—for some reason...some insane, unexplainable, yet well intentioned, reason—it’s not necessarily heartwarming to hear:

  • I appreciate your doing the laundry…even though I usually add water first.

  • It must have taken you quite a while to get these wrinkles spread out so evenly…over the underwear.

  • This looks good in grey.

  • Everyone has trouble with the on/off switch.

Compliments for being helpful in the kitchen are always appreciated, but try to avoid saying things like:

  • How could you have known you had to crack the shell open first?

  • Most people wouldn't even think to boil bacon.

  • Sticking Fritos in the hamburger meat is so creative.

  • It took me a while to figure out that milk is the white one, too.

And probably the worst kind of questionable compliments have to do with real manly activities, such as home repairs.

  • What I love about you is that you’re not afraid to think outside the box. Most people would never think to use that end of the hammer.

  • Great idea…fixing the faucet and washing the kitchen floor at the same time.

  • Most people would never use a ladder that way.

  • You know, I always thought that staircase was a luxury, anyway.

So try to keep all this in mind the next time you pay your significant other a compliment.  Everything is open to perception, and since we’re so busy criticizing ourselves most of the time, we think everyone else is too.
Even though, sure, I know…I can’t help looking adorable when I type.
It’s a curse….


  1. I read an article that "talks" about bringing extinct animals back to life. (Time) A woolly mammal turning up at my house would not be my cup of tea. Call me a perfect nimby. And does anyone care if the gastric brooding frog does not get a second chance at life?

    1. I’ve always identified with the gastric brooding frog….

      Maybe a past life thing?


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”