Monday, April 15, 2013

Brain Maps

The President is making a big push to map the brain.

I’m not sure which brain, but I’m sure he'll choose a good one.

There are plenty to pick from in Washington. In fact, not too many people there would even notice if theirs went missing.

I’m not sure how I feel about it, though. 

I mean, I’ve had enough trouble with my own brain over the years, as I’ve documented here.

I’ve also written about other brain related topics, in the past, such as how, apparently, all of us have these specialized neurons in our brain that “light up” at just the mention or sight of certain celebrities, such as Lindsay Lohan or Jenifer Aniston.

Nuff said….

I also chronicled various myths about the brain.

But I’m not sure about mapping it.

Mapping it would just draw a lot of attention to some of the seedier neighborhoods in there.

Like the section that can’t help thinking that James Carville just looks and sounds weird.

I don’t want a bunch of scientist finding out about that part of my brain.

How embarrassing is that?

Or the part of my brain that sometimes roots for the Russians on “The Americans”.

What if my neighbors got wind of that?

Or worse, that I might even think that my neighbors actually are sleeper KGB agents?

So there’s that….

But I guess there is an upside to Brain Mapping.

Just like they say there was a definite upside to Gene mapping; although why we need to know where everyone named Gene lives, is beyond me.

The hope is that Brain Mapping will lead to understanding and eventually finding a cure for many of the most debilitating diseases of the brain, such as autism, Alzheimer’s, epilepsy and schizophrenia, not to mention blogging and any other sort of internet related social media activity.

Who can argue against any of that…I mean, except some congressmen who would argue against apple pie if the President said it was his favorite desert.  

Maybe we could even get Google involved and create an App for it.
They could call it “Google Brain Maps”.

This way, if you’re dating, when you meet someone for the first time you’ll just type in their name, point your phone towards their head and voila…

Thinks James Carville just looks and sounds weird.

And you immediately know you have something in common.

It could also provide other valuable information about this individual such as:

Doesn’t believe socks need to be changed every day.

Partial to Ferrets.

Makes a perfect Martini.

All good things to know.

Bottom line is, if we have the resources and technology, why not go for it.  We’ve spent a lot of money on studies with a lot less of an upside….such as flatulent cows.

Besides, I think it would be pretty neat if they could find the spot in my brain that knows where I left the keys to my 1970 Maverick. 

The Maverick is long gone but I loved that Telly Savalas key-bob that was attached….


  1. What if it were the IRS trying to find out about your Swiss bank accounts? I am thinking of inventing a device to block such invasions of privacy. It would be like Caller ID. Would you be willing to bankroll my invention?

    1. You've already got my two cents worth....


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