Friday, February 20, 2015

Plumbing for Entertainment

It's been a while, but I had to call Nardi the other day to unclog my pipe.

Not the kind of pipe you smoke stuff out of…

That I can clean myself.

I mean, if I had a pipe, which I don’t, and never did…and probably never will.

Unless I get all weird and sophisticated in my old age.

Or weirder and sophisticated ….

No, this is the kind of pipe you use to drain your bathtub, which makes more sense, since Nardi is my plumber.

If you’ve been reading these things for a while, you might remember that since I wrote all about Nardi and my plumbing, some time ago.

If you don’t, then you can read it here, now…if you want.  Don’t worry…we’ll wait for you to catch up

Hmmmmm Hmmmm dee dee da da deedee doo dum….

Sorry…obviously these folks are slow readers.

Doo dee dum dum dum (no pun intededed)

Do dee do….

Okay…everybody back on the same page now?

Hey, you…in the blue sweater.  Get off that Zombie story!

Sorry…some people are easily distracted…

Now, what was I saying?

Oh look…icicles!


Anyway, every now and then I have to unclog my bathtub drain since most of the hair that used to be on my head likes to settle down there on a daily basis.

At first, I notice it takes a bit longer for the water to empty after showering, but I can ignore that for a while, at least until the soapy water starts lapping around my knees.

When that happens, I’ll usually pour in some drain cleaner and drag out the plunger…not that I actually know what to do with the plunger, but I like the noise it makes, so I bring it out, whenever, I can.

And most of the time this actually works and before long, the tub is water free, and that’s the end of that…except for the time when I found my rubber ducky floating around in my basement, afterwards.

But that’s another long story for another day.

Anyway, to make a long story even longer, after spending about 3 hours on attempted drain cleaning, only to discover that my kitchen sink was, now, mysteriously backing up with water, as well, I decided to call Nardi.

Which annoyed me to no end, because Nardi lives right around the corner, and every time I run into him on the street, he likes to tell me that whenever you run into a plumber you’re going to have to call him within two weeks.

And then we both have a good laugh, after which I run home, light the smudge pots and sacrifice a bucket of chicken to the plumbing god, “Outrageous Fees”.

Which usually works, except this time—maybe because I sacrificed Popeye’s chicken instead of the Colonel’s—so here we are.

Not that I mind calling Nardi.  It’s just that sometimes I feel as if I’m interrupting him, especially when he answers the phone using those big curse words, the ones with way more than four letters. But since I’m a longtime customer, it really doesn’t bother me, because I know that’s just his way of saying “Hello, Nardi Plumbing…how can I help you?”

Besides, as plumbers go, Nardi is as honest, reliable and conscientious as they come…as well as being a superhero and an artist with a wrench.

And that’s pretty hard to find.
So you make allowances for artistic temperament.

If you're squeamish, just leave him to his work...and make sure to put as many rooms and closed doors between you as you can; or, even better, plug in your iPod and turn the volume up high.

And, again, as a regular customer, who also considers Nardi a friend and neighbor, I’m pretty immune to his...let's call them "theatrics". So I actually like to hang out, look over his shoulder and chew the fat with him, which I know he enjoys, since he only throws his smaller tools at me when he has a problem.

Anyway, the bottom line is my drains are now running free and clear. Apparently, I was so efficient with my plunging, that I had broken the original clog in two and somehow created a second clog further down the line, which accounted for the kitchen sink backing up, as well.

What can I say?  I sometimes become “one with the plunge” and lose myself in my own plumbing exuberance.
I guess it just goes to show...penny wise and pound foolish...which means something...although I'm not sure what.

All in all, I have to say, having Nardi over does make for an entertaining afternoon; better than even Netflix, on a cold winter’s day.

Plus, as always, I learned a lot of new words and I only once thought my bathtub had fallen through the ceiling and into the kitchen.

And, when it's all said and snaked…there’s not another plumber I would trust with my pipes other than Nardi, and I highly recommend him if you’re in the market for a great plumber.

Just be sure to follow a few simple “Nardi Rules”.
  1. Say as little as you can when you call his cell phone. Just address the issue at hand and get off. You’re not supposed to have his mobile number anyway.
  2. When he arrives, try not to make eye contact nor close the front door on his ponytail. He doesn’t like that.
  3. Never bring up Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber.
  4. Don’t tell him how you tried to fix the problem before you called him, or that you even considered trying to fix the problem. In fact it’s probably best if you don’t even mention you have a problem. Just make him feel as if you wanted to hang out and thought maybe you'd order pizza later.
  5. If he’s busy saying those funny words he uses, especially while he’s pulling something out of your drain that resembles your late Uncle Harry’s old toupee, don’t ask him about that toilet in the other room, which sometimes takes a few days to fill up...and...
  6. When he’s leaving, make sure to give him the left over pizza to take home.

Of course, it goes without saying, I’ve leaned heavily on hyperbole, here, all for the sake of humor and hopefully a few chuckles, for which I’m sure Nardi would be the first to say, he enjoyed…I think.
I mean, I trust the man with all my sensitive piping issues, so why would I want to mess with that?

And once I calm down the house plants and have the priest bless the house, again, the pipes should stop making those weird wailing noises.  

Seriously, plumbers don’t come any better than Nardi…with or without the entertainment, which he doesn’t even charge for….

That Nardi…



  1. Sounds like an interesting afternoon all around! Do you think he'll travel an hour and a half to northern CT? I need a good plumber and we have good pizza we could compare swear words.. .who knows, he might learn something...

    1. I'll ask.... I'm not allowed to call, though, until June, now....

    2. I don't think you can out X$&%@ swear me!

    3. I've known Pam since I was knee high to a grasshopper, which was weird. she's a PC girl, and while she may not out curse you verbally....oooooh, I know what she thinking....ooooooh....

  2. Long live Nardi! Hey, I try to work the drains too, but for a starter, I can't open the Drano bottle. I always bring it to wherever I'm going that day: maybe the supermarket, my kaffe klatch, church, or Joe's Bar and Grill. Someone there is sure to open it. But then Drano all over the car is not a good scene. Glad you're back, Brian. I thought you'd gone to Aruba.

    1. Oooooo...don't mention Drano to a plumber, especially Crystal Drano. It's like their kryptonite. Thanks for noticing, Joan. I never left, just taking it slow for a bit and trying o get a few other things accomplished that I promised myself I would. But Aruba dies sound good.... I hope snowball is enjoying her- or is it his- namesake....

  3. His routine is all shook up, so you can guess what might be happening. We don't get to go out like we used to. I shoveled a path from the back steps to a few feet into the back yard. He goes there, and seems to be getting the message. No matter what, I would not scold him, for at least, his heart is in the right place.

  4. You are both brave and clever to undergo this type of plumbing work by yourself. I am not as brave (or clever), so when I needed to install a new shower into the downstairs bathroom, I used the services of my local plumbing company. They did a fantastic job... and it was done safely!


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