Tuesday, March 17, 2015

This Guy and That Guy

None of us think we’re “that guy”…regardless of gender.

We’re always this guy…not “that guy”… regardless of gender.

Okay, by now I’m assuming you get the gender thing.

Unless of course, you ARE “that guy”.

The one who never gets anything.

But I don’t think you are. I think you’re pretty sharp, otherwise why would you be reading this?

Or maybe, you’re “that guy” who’s not all that good at Google and always ends up on some random page, then doesn’t know how to get off it.

At least not until pre-school lets out and the 4 year old next door gets home.

But even if you are “that guy”, you probably don’t even know it.

You think you’re really “this guy”…having a bad day…or week…or decade.

It’s always the “other guy” who’s “that guy”…not you.

You’re the guy who always has it together. Always has his or her ducks in a row.

You even know just what to feed the ducks and how to keep them from molting on your brand new carpet…the one you bought wholesale at just the right moment when carpet prices were at their lowest.

And of course the color and style were exactly what you were looking for, as well.

So the fact that you forgot to overnight those original signed contracts to Henderson out in Seattle—the ones that your boss told you absolutely had to be there by the end of business or else the entire company would default—all because you were researching carpet deals on-line, was just an oversight, and perfectly understandable.

I mean it’s not like you’re “that guy” who doesn’t prioritize properly.

Or doesn’t always wear matching socks.

Or shoes….

You’re “this guy”…the one who knows what side of the bread his toast is buttered and behaves accordingly….

Besides anyone can forget to take the toaster oven off broil and set the kitchen cabinets on fire.


Not just “that guy.”

“That guy” probably has 2 month old, moldy bread and doesn’t even know what butter is…or at least what good butter is…or the fact that it needs to be refrigerated…every day.

Your “this guy”, who was planning on replacing those cabinets anyway, sooner rather than later and you'll probably find a great one day sale, on-line, as soon as you get in the office tomorrow…you know, just before you e-mail your boss about the little oversight from the day before.

So I’m left wondering…if none of us are “that guy”…who is?

And does he or she know they’re “that guy”…regardless of gender…again.

I mean, they have to know…right?

How could they not?

They certainly can’t think you’re “that guy”?

Unless it’s in the context of that guy they’ve always wanted to be.

That guy who’s always right, always witty and never boring.

The one who writes perfectly and never mispulls a werd….

That guy who never flunked a test in school…unless of course the questions were totally unfair.

That guy who never met a woman who didn’t find him to be absolutely fascinating, charming and well, let’s face it…hot enough to melt butter…except in the case of those women with personal issues, ridiculous standards and or expectations, or were just plain full of themselves, not to mention nearsighted…practically blind, actually.

That guy who never exceeds the speed limit, or at least is smart enough and cool enough to never get caught...unless they’ve decided to stop everybody that day for no good reason just to hand out $500 tickets, whether or not you were actually going 30 miles too fast, in the wrong direction, on two wheels and forgot to plug in your radar detector.

That guy who never makes poor decisions or bad choices…unless someone else makes him…and believes thong underwear absolutely makes his butt look smoother…no matter what that woman in Human Resources says.

No… “that guy” can only hope to be “this guy”…even on his best day.

And “this guy”….well, “this guy” knows he or she could never be “that guy”…uh, uh….not ever.

This is this…and that is that….

Unless there’s some big mix up…and then it’s only temporary….

Besides…aren’t the due dates on those bills pretty arbitrary?


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