Friday, August 21, 2015

Mad at the Moon

I was sitting on the beach the other day pondering some of life’s more ponderous questions; like why use “pondering” or “ponderous” when I could just say “thinking” or “difficult”?

Because it sounds smarter?

But what’s wrong with sounding smarter?

I know...ponderous...huh?

Or do we really have to add stuff to pretzels to make them taste better than they already do?

Cheerios, maybe....but pretzels?

There’s enough questionable stuff going on in the world that we really don’t need to pile on with anymore nonsense.

Do we?

So of course I have a few things to add that we all just take for granted as everyday occurrences, and merely look the other way.

Or we look right at them, but see right through them.

Like the Tides. 

What’s up with the tides?

Are we really okay with that?

I mean, do we really want some celestial object, with no apparent value—at least to me—other than it’s pretty to look at and people write songs about it, messing with our oceans?

Shameless Exploitation Photo
And I’m not talking about Christie least not now.

Day in and day out, this giant dust ball in the sky exerts its gravitational influence over us and has its way with our oceans.

And nobody says a word...other than wondering if the tide is going in or out, so they know whether or not they should move their beach blankets back, or not.

Maybe we should demand a constant, even tide, so we won’t have to worry about where we put our beach blankets and chairs.

Let the moon screw around with its own tides, if it had tides, which it doesn’t cuz it’s just a giant empty party light in the sky, with no accountability

But yet we all just mindlessly go about our business while it raises and lowers our sea levels.

Some even speculate that these same lunar gravitational forces have an effect on our body fluids, as well, which influences our moods and behavior, sometimes to the point that people have been known to act in an irrational manner, complaining about silly things, that are of no value or interest to anyone, having no bearing on anything.

Hence the word, “Lunacy”.


And then of course there’s the whole werewolf thing....

So there’s a lot to think about...I mean, if you’re in the mood for thinking...which most people aren’t.

Which explains why some idiots think everyone else on the beach wants to listen to their boom boxes blasting “Tiffany’s Greatest Food Court Hits”.

Or why someone decided to make a thinner Oreo, which just makes it easier to eat three times as many as the regular Oreos, at one sitting.

And does Coors really need a “light” beer?

I have to neighbor’s outside howling. 

Probably annoyed I parked on his lawn again.

I don’t know what his problem I’m supposed to park on my own lawn?

Probably the moon.

I just wish he would shave his neck more often.

Hey these thin Oreos aren’t half bad....

Get it...“half bad”?

I think I’ll open another package.

And what’s with this new weird package?

Did we really need to improve the Oreo package?`

Is that the best use of our time...figuring out how to open a bag of Oreos.

There’s a weekend I’ll never get back....


Have you picked up my new book “The Kingdom of Keys” yet?
No....what's up with that???
Better hurry before they're ALL GONE...which is a lie because they'll never be all gone...never....

So why not buy one just to reward my forthrightness..ness...ness?

You might even enjoy it.

And spread the word...cuz nobody else is....

Just sayin....
Available now at -  Click Here

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  1. ..."aren't half bad." Made me LOL. Who but you would ponder such a thing about thin Oreos! Better tell it to Nabisco and get a free case.

    1. Good points raised here, I first thought you were using ponder as a 'pond' pun especially as you seemed to be beach bound at the time of writing. I did enjoy the pic of Christie sitting in the moonlight or should that read 'lightly on the moon'. You language aficionados do sometimes create grey areas I particularly refer to the Oreo question which left me sitting on the fence. I'm now agnostic about wether Oreos should be one way or the other.

    2. that's good... 'lightly on the moon" i'm sure there was an abrupt halt at the picture, then many may have had to go back and reread a few times to get back on track. good marketing scheme, beach boy bri....

  2. Incidentally I now have some decent free time on the horizon to finish Kingdom of Keys and I take my hat off to you in the quality of writing and story telling that you clearly demonstrate in this book. I'm of to Madeira to ponder on cake and wine. Finally, on the subject of books worth having are you aware of Word Play by Gyles Brandreth? I recommend it to you.

    1. Thanks, Cliff. glad you're enjoying it. As for above, you give me way too much cleverness credit. I'm more of the "Chauncey Gardiner" type....

  3. I know for an absolute fact that the amount of lunacy that happens during a full moon is a real thing -- just visit any courthouse. That "empty party light in the sky" really does help people party...........

    1. Well, I would imagine Judge Lori's courthouse is somewhat loony no matter what the moon....

    2. And check out the Judge's new book. "The Armadillo, the Pickaxe, and the Laundry Basket" on Amazon. Lots of looniness there!

  4. and as for the kids are obsessed with the thin minty ones... i guess they are trying to delve into the girl scout market. as for me, i prefer the joe-joe's from trader joes.


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