In Search of Surrogates

I’m looking for a couple of surrogates.

At least a couple...maybe more.

They’re all the rage these days.

Everyone who’s anyone has them.

Even the surrogates have surrogates.

You know, some folks to stand up...or sit down—whatever position they prefer—for you or whomever and mindlessly smile and represent whatever issue they’re surrogating, when the media starts asking all those hard questions they like to ask.

Which I’m pretty sure they’d be asking me if they weren’t so distracted by all this silly political stuff.

He said, she said...no he didn’t...yes she did....they wanted to but then they thought better of it...or didn’t think at all...or thought too much...and none of it made much sense, anyway...at least if you were paying attention, which most people really aren’t.

And on and on it goes...somewhere, someplace or something like that.

Unfortunately it’s true; a lot of folks really don’t pay attention. They tend to only read or hear the headlines, become outraged or enraged, form an opinion without checking any of the facts, then go back to playing “Pokémon Go” or resume looking for their slippers.

I have to admit I fall into this group of under informed, as well, when it comes to politics and most of all the so called important stuff responsible citizens are supposed to care about....except I don’t really know what Pokémon Go is about and I don’t wear slippers...just to be clear.

When it comes to things like elections, I usually go with my gut, pick the candidate that best resonates with me through my HD TV and move on.

And I’m certain one of these days Marin Sheen is going to be rightfully returned to office.

 

However, I have to admit, this year, Kiefer is giving old Martin a run for his money.

I mean, who saw that coming?

Anyway, I think it would make life a lot easier if I had a few surrogates out there talking me up and explaining what I was really saying or what I meant to say or what I would have said if I were smart enough to think of something to say in the first place.

Know what I’m saying?

Or, let’s just say in the unlikely event there’s a slow day and the media isn’t hounding me over something I may or may not have said...or done or not have done...or done to someone else...or their grandmother...I can just send my surrogates to park those cars for me at my in-law’s on Thanksgiving.

This way I can stay home and keep on keeping up with the Kardashians. 

This whole Kim robbery thing has me so unnerved.

At least that’s what my surrogates will tell you....If I could find some.

Any volunteers?

                                       ______________________________________

Now available at Amazon

The Little Red Christmas Ball
(because you can never start Christmas too soon)

Click Here to Order

And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”

also available at Amazon

Click Here to Order 

And while you're at it

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 

Follow @FreelanceRetort on Twitter   

Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  

For the latest Retorts: Click here 

Retort to the Retort – FreelanceRetort@gmail.com