Tuesday, October 4, 2016


The sun came out, if only for a bit, yesterday morning, and lo and behold, there stood October.

October in all it’s sunny, colorful fall glory.

Until it clouded up again.

Go figure....

And then there was a knock at the door, which was odd, especially for a Monday morning.

Even odder, when I went to see who it was, I was surprised to find two of the Zombies Across the Street...mostly because Zombies rarely knock; they usually just barge in and start rifling through the fridge.

Uncomfortable, right?

Tell me about it.

But, I have to say, we hadn’t seen much of the Zombies, all summer.  No gardening, no tanning...at least not in the traditional sense. For the most part they stayed inside with the air conditioner on.

I assumed because it was so hot, this year.

I mean they’re Zombies. They put a whole new spin on the phrase, “Sweating my butt off!”

Plus, one of the new neighbors, next door, complained about the smell, which I think might have hurt the Zombie’s feelings.

So they kept pretty much to themselves

Anyway, there they were, two Zombies standing on my front porch, knocking.  And what was even weirder, they were sporting Halloween costumes, toting ghoulish “Trick or Treat” bags.

Halloween costumes...really?

Like they needed costumes.

On October 3rd?

“Hey, fellas,” I said, which I immediately regretted since I couldn’t really tell if they were actually fellas or not.

They were in costume, remember.

One was dressed as Winnie the Pooh...and who can tell what gender Winnie is...and the other had one of those “Scream” outfits on.

“It’s a little early to be Trick or Treating, guy—uh, you two.  Halloween isn’t until the end of the month.”

To which Winnie and Screamy just stood there, glaring, which, masks or not, is always unsettling with Zombies since they can be somewhat unpredictable.

Don’t get me wrong; for the most part they’re as pleasant as any other ghoul in the neighborhood, but you never know what will set them off, and every once in a while you hear stories of some incident or another with an unfortunate outcome.


So you can imagine my trepidation when they suddenly started moaning and rattling their goodie bags.

And then, just as suddenly, they both burst out laughing—I think—and pointing in my directions, indicating they were very pleased with the big “Gotcha” they’d pulled on me.

Zombies...so hi-larious....

Then they communicated, or attempted to communicate, they’ve always wondered what it would be like to dress up and “Trick or Treat” since they never get a chance on Halloween, which as you’d expect, is always a nightmare for them, what with all the crowds they get at their big spook house extravaganza.

“Ahhhh,” I said.  “I get it...sure, sure...of course!”

Which then led to another awkward period of silence and staring...on both our parts.

Until I realized they were waiting for me to give them a treat, which was a problem since Z hadn’t picked up the 100 bags of candy we usually buy in order to feed the rest of the ravenous neighborhood.

And since I wasn’t anxious to find out just what “Trick” the Zombies had up their rotting sleeves for me I decided I’d better come up with something.

“Well, let me see what we have here,” I said, walking toward the kitchen.

To my dismay, the pair followed me in, which, again, made me somewhat uneasy.

Not to sound like an elitist, or worse, but if you’ve ever entertained Zombies at home, you know what I’m talking about.

I mean this wasn’t the first time we’ve had Zombies in the house, so it’s not the smell or flaking appendages that bother me. It’s just that they always leave the toilet seat up, which annoys Z to no end.

Anyway, at first I thought I could get off easy with a couple of  Famous Amos Chocolate Chip bags that were lying around, but then I remembered the undead really don’t have sweet tooths or much of any teeth for that matter.

Something about too much sugar not being healthy...as if that were the problem.

Luckily, I remembered Z had just picked up a couple of chickens to make cacciatore, so I dug them out of the fridge and tossed the giblets in their “Treat” bags, which seemed to satisfy them. 

Actually more than satisfy them, since the squeals of glee that sprang out from under their costumes seemed a bit excessive...even for chicken guts.

And it was, because then I noticed what had really gotten them animated, or re-animated, as it were, was “The Family Feud” marathon I’d been watching on the kitchen TV when they first knocked on the door.

So now I was stuck with them the rest of the afternoon.

Which to be honest wasn’t as bad as it sounds.

Despite all the blows to the head they take in the course of a week, Zombies are pretty clever and always get the number one answer.

Plus, the derogatory comments they come up with to mock the real contestants are to die for.

Well, sort of....

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1 comment:

  1. halloween is on a monday this year.... it's gonna be a longgggg week, we may all be zombies.


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