Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Click Baiting Bathos

I'm moving at a snail’s pace, in the "New Year".

Which, for some reason, spell check demands I capitalize, as if "New Year" were a proper name or something. annoying.

So distracting....

But, I like to mess with it once in awhile and add words to the dictionary that I porposley misspell.

You gotta do these things from time to time...or else the AI wins.

That’s right AI, which doesn’t stand for Arnie Ingersoll, my old grade school nemesis.

That’s right Arnie...I’m talking about you.


Sorry, my impulse control’s acting up again.

There’s a lot of that going around these days.

It’s very popular now to just say the first thing that comes to mind.

Swedish Fish are dumb!

Sorry...don’t know where that came from.

I’ve got nothing against the Swedes...or their fish for that matter.

In fact I don’t know if I’ve ever even had a Swedish Fish or not.

Norwegian...maybe...but not Swedish.

So I’m not sure why I said that.

It just popped into my head...and out it came.

Like that weird looking bug, last summer.

Of course if I had headlined that and linked it on a web site as: “Ten reasons why Swedish Fish are dumb!”...a good number of people would have clicked on it, whether it was true or not.

Click Bait....

It's all the rage these days, as well.

You know, those seemingly innocuous stories that appear on the side or bottom of whatever webpage you happen to be perusing.

I have to admit I’m a sucker for all those things and spend way too much time enthralled by those
“15 things the producers didn’t want you to know about Gilligan and Ginger’s pink dress”...

"10 secrets Fred shared with Ricky that Lucy took to her grave”

“You won’t believe what Lamb Chop looks like now!”

And I didn’t...I couldn’t.



How could I resist?

Constant clicking....all day all night.

I don’t promote those kinds of things, here on the Retort...although I once considered the idea of adding “-Without Pants!” to all my posted titles.

But then I found it was having the opposite effect of what I had hoped for...not to mention the pictures I started getting from some nice people in Uzbekistan.

And don’t confuse click bait with Fake News.

Fake news is just that—fake—and anyone with half a brain would know there’s no way your reviled politician of choice doesn’t like fried ice cream...let alone pistachio.

That’s just nefarious stuff...not to mention hurtful.

No...for the most part Click Bait is sort of true...or at least you hope it is.

Who wouldn’t want to believe “Five insidious ways Barney got even with Andy – kept from the public...until NOW!”

Who woulda thunk it?


So maybe I should start integrating Click Bait onto the Retort.

So many possibliities to increase what the experts call my “SEO”...which I think stands for “Special Exciting...Other stuff.”

“Socks...10 ways I mix and match that will shock you!”
“6 things I discovered in my basement— Number 4 will change your perception of salted caramel!”

“15 bad names I call that Trivago guy— Number 6 is frowned upon in at least one southern state!”

“7 ways ABBA music has been found to cure Restless Leg Syndrome in cats.

“Zombies and The Freelance Retort...the real story will tear you apart!”

And on and on it would go.

But I think I’ll just keep things as they are.

It’s not really necessary.

Reality is clicking and baiting enough, for now.

Believe it or not.


Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  

And while you're at it

Check Out


1 comment:

  1. i have a picture of that weird looking bug from last summer!! i will look for it if i can stop clicking on all the bait...


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”