Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Calling It What It Isn’t…without pants

I’m just now starting to get a handle on this whole Interactive Internet Content providing thing.

Or blogging, which is a lot less impressive way of saying what I’m doing here.

It’s not so much what you say, or have said in the past, that gets people to click on and check out what you’re posting on any given day…it’s what you call it.

People click on interesting and provocative titles.

“4 Headed Cat Eats Man Out of House and Home!”

“Woman Divorces Husband—Sells Kids for Trip to Disney Word!”

“Sunscreen Found to Cause Shrinkage!”

All good titles all of which will probably have nothing to do with the actual stories.

I suppose I could sit here and make something up to illustrate that point, in a potentially humorous manner, but that would require effort on my part and I’m just not in the mood to effort anything, today…which, as you know, is pretty much par for the course.

Besides, I’m not really interested in content any more…just titles....

I’ve actually been aware of this now for some time. I’ve noticed over the years how my “Hits” or “Clicks” increase exponentially for anything that has “Zombie” in the title.

                                         “A Zombie Valentine”

All big “Hit” machines.

And why not…everyone loves Zombies…I mean, except when you’re waiting in line, behind them on the 12 Item or Less Express Lane, at the supermarket…a concept for which they have absolutely no respect, whatsoever…..

But if I write an insightful piece, which explores why we don’t see more Ostriches as pets, or why Pez isn’t as popular as it once was…and assign a clever, but benign title, it will probably just sit there, unread, until my Great Aunt Lucy, finishes her on-line mahjong game.

So I was thinking, maybe I should re-tool the Retort and write only about Zombies, because you know, there’s just no end to their un-dead shenanigans.

But it’s also been my experience that too much of anything—even Zombies—can get a little old and stale after a while—especially Zombies—not to mention the nasty smell of decomp that can get a little overwhelming at times…even between the best of Zombie friends.

Or I can just go the exploitation route and re-purpose (fancy word for repeat) all the old stuff that nobody’s really seen, with a more provocative title…just by adding— “Without Pants”—  to everything.

Come on, tell me you’re not going to be even the least bit interested in seeing what that’s all about.

All good stories…all good messages…and now maybe people will actually read them…with or without pants….

And even if they don’t who cares…as long as I can record a click onto my SEO report.

I have absolutely no idea what that means, I just know it sounds important.

So there you go…a new strategy…designed and soon to be “deployed”.

That is…you know…as soon as I can find my pants….

If you enjoy the Retort, do me a favor and click on the "Like" button, up top on the right (PC's only), or "Like" the FLR Facebook Pagehere. Things have picked up considerably from a week ago and now with a few more "Likes" I'm hoping to cash in on the sea monkey aquarium.  

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  1. Always food for thoughts amid your retorts Brian (no rhyme intended). This time I note your acknowledgement of strapline power which predominate so many of you prolific missives. 'New Daz' also seems to not only catch the eye but infect the minds of shoppers. Keep them coming, although my time will not always allow me the freedom Give the credit you obviously deserve. ;-)

    1. Thanks, Ropey...as always. I had to get out my British translation key, but was happy to find the rudiment of a compliment in your waggish testament...

  2. What a mystery! Is he a Brit? Tell him he is not allowed to split infinitives in the USA.

    1. Really is that a rule? I am going to hurriedly look that up!
      He's not only a Brit but a poet...so you have to be sure to cut him some slack.....


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