Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Kitchen Updates Upcoming

A while back, Z mentioned in passing, she thought it was time to update our kitchen.

Great, I thought. We could use a new toaster. My English muffins have been popping out a little too crispy lately.

And the dish drainer could use an update.

Let’s face it, avocado green had a good run, but has seen its day.

So why not?

Then I was informed, Z was thinking a little more “radical” in her way of “updates”.

Hmmmmm...I thought.

If it’s possible to think hmmmmm.

I’m not sure it is.

But that’s neither here nor there...which isn’t unusual.

Hmmmm...”radical” sounds a little ominous.

Is she talking about trashing our old garbage pail; the fancy one with the automatic lid opener—if you count stepping on a peddle to open it, “automatic”?

I guess we could use a new one, though, since it hasn’t actually opened “automatically”, peddle or no, in, let’s say, awhile.

I suppose I’ll still have all those crazy garbage pail memories to hold onto.

Like that first bowl of forgotten, left over Chinese food that had something growing in it that resembled...well, maybe it’s better left unsaid.

Or the time I lost my phone but found it a few days later when I heard it ringing from the inside of a discarded ball of spaghetti.

I’ll always have those...even the phone.

But no...apparently Z had  “updates” in mind that went well beyond my idea of home improvements.

Like tossing everything to the curb, including the 90 year old plaster walls and possibly the studs beneath...if necessary.

“Oh”, I said. “So more than just a new toaster, then.”

“Absolutely!” Z replied. “New everything!”

“Even the clock?” I asked, slyly knowing it still worked perfectly fine after 15 years, as long as you added...or maybe subtracted—I forget which—20 minutes every few days.

I knew Z wouldn’t want to toss something like that away so cavalierly.

“Especially the clock!”


And now I knew this was serious.

“So how do we do all this BIG Kitchen updating?” I inquired, filling with dread.

“We find a guy.”

“A guy?”

“Yeah, a guy who knows a guy, who has a guy that knows another guy who renovates kitchens.”

“I see,” I said. “And preferably this guy has tools and everything...because he’s not using mine.”

“Of course he’ll have tools. Why would he want to use your Flintstone tools?”

“Hey, those tools have historical significance.”

“Yeah, I think your hammer was used on Noah’s Ark.”

That clever.

So we did just that. We got a guy, who seems to be a pretty good guy, even though he hasn’t raised a hammer yet in anger.

In fact I don’t believe he plans to until sometime in June...or July...possibly August...but definitely before Christmas

Hard to nail him down on that....

Get it...”nail him down”...I can be pretty clever myself if I put my mind to it...or steal from Z.

Anyway, in the meantime, Z and I have been spending the last few weekends fight—uh, I mean, discussing various options in regard to appropriate appliances, countertops, back splashes, flooring and of course kitchen cabinets, which we almost forgot, but I’m sure would have noticed when we had no place to put out dishes, let alone junk drawer items.

Marble vs. vinyl planking (because it’s all about the luxury) vs, porcelain vs ceramic vs. Gorilla Monsoon.

Which was appropriate since many of our “discussions” were decided through wrestling matches; 2 out of 3 falls.

Or Z just telling me to go wait in the car, since I didn’t have a vote...or a vote that counted.

It wasn’t easy and definitely not a process I’d recommend, but we’ve pretty much made most of our choices, including a new refrigerator, which was most important to me, given my past struggles with our less than large current appliance, which I’ve chronicled in the past.

This time I was very particular in my requirements, which included an indispensable ice dispenser, along with an in-door beer tap including a pizza on demand feature.

Of course, I didn’t have the time, nor the will, to shop around for it, myself, but Z assures me she found exactly what I was looking for and is certain I’m going to be very pleased with her choice...or else.

I’m not really sure what the “or else” means or is, but I can’t wait to start wolfing down that pizza and beer.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t have an important role to play in all of this.  Once construction does get underway, Z has put me in charge in making sure all the walls get put back in the right place.

So I feel pretty good about that...even though I know it’s going to be a bit of a challenge.

However, the good news is: Z said I won’t have to worry about the floor and the ceiling, and what goes where, since we should leave that to the professionals.

And to that I can’t disagree....

So, I’ll keep you updated on all the updates as we go along...when we go along...hopefully sooner than later.

But I don’t really mind waiting a bit, if need be.

It’ll give me that much more time to spend with the old garbage pail and clock before parting ways.

Plus, I haven’t even mentioned the central air conditioning installation guys who are coming beforehand— in less than a few weeks—I assume to install central air conditioning.

Which really has nothing to do with a new kitchen, but I guess it has something to do with it all ties in.

Besides, if Z is updating our kitchen, the least I can do is update our air.

I mean, air is pretty essential, under any circumstances and should be updated from time to time...right?

But who knew cold air could cost so much?

And if you do know, don’t tell Z.

I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my new beer and pizza distributing refrigerator....


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  1. This is such a good one - makes me feel so guilty. I was looking at the Formica counters in my kitchen, and thinking rather than replacing stuff, perhaps it would be easier to just move somewhere else. Where they have marble counters.

    1. I think you're definitely on to something...but you've alwasy been ahead of the curve!

  2. we are contemplating renovating the kitchen, it's time but as you know it's a monumental project. our oven died in march, as a result of st paddy's day overload. yes, i did say we haven't had an oven since march. but it certainly makes the choices for dinner easier being all we have is a stove-top. and my neighbor's oven. walking across the lawn with our food in tow is not such a big deal. perhaps it may be deemed much easier than renovating and fight...discussing!!!

    1. Is your neighbor aware you're using their oven? I'm also facinated by what this St Patricks Day overload entailed that it destroyed your oven. New a whole other world...

    2. my neighbor may have become our personal chef...hahahaha!!! the oven has been quirky for a while now and i guess the all day st paddy's party sent it over the edge that it revolted. it actually locked everything in and wouldn't open! there's always a story to tell on this side of the bridge, my friend.


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