The Freelance Retort: The Holiday Downhill Plunge

It’s time to catch our collective breath as we sit on the verge of another Holiday downhill plunge toward overindulgence.

Overindulgence in just about every form it can take. Glitz, glam, whim, wham, bam…hold on tight, we're gonna get slammed!

After all...it’s the most magical time of the year…at least according to Andy.

In fact on the 30^th of November, we’re already a bit behind…or at least I am.

Some of the neighbors have already strung up their lights and decorations…in fact some were already up and waiting to be lit, well before Thanksgiving.

Black Friday has come and gone…as well as Small Business Saturday, Rip off Sunday, Cyber Monday and Toothless Tuesday. I’m not sure if 2 of the last 3 are real since I made them up, but they should be real. They make as much sense as any of the others.

So holiday shopping is well underway, if not already done in some cases. The holiday invites are in your mailbox. Santa’s made his list and checked it more than twice.

As for me…I’m still mowing my lawn and picking up the stray leaf or two. If this warm weather keeps up I may have to wander over to the beach and count all the sugarplums dancing in my head…which I find annoying.

I need a bit of a shopping break. I mean I just got through with Z’s Birthday shopping, which I managed to do without leaving the 20 ft. area that surrounds my bed.

If I had thought to bring the laptop to bed with me I suppose I could have stayed in the bed...but come on. What kind of a schlub would that make me?

Next time I might even put on pants.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I’m some kind of a Grinch or a Scrooge. I do enjoy this time of year and all the accompanying hub bub. It’s just that it always feels like it’s being shoved down our throats from Columbus day on. If you buy into all the pre-mature hoopla, you’re sick of the holidays before they even get started. If you don’t buy in, you resist for so long that by the time you do jump on board, it feels as if you missed the party.

But, again, I realize I could be talking just for myself here, and the rest of you are scratching your head saying...“Huh?????”

I get that a lot…

In the next day or so, I’ll start dragging out the myriad of lights we throw up on our house every year. I guess I should say the rest of the lights.

Yes…I have to admit, I did put up a few strings myself over the weekend, since it was so warm I wanted to take advantage of that to avoid that whole finger numbing experience…and besides, wearing shorts while hanging Christmas lights is cool.

We do a simple but classic look for the house. I think there are about 27 thousand little white lights involved. You should see my electric meter spin. It actually creates a huge breeze in my basement.

No, I’m kidding…it’s just a small breeze.

But it a pretty basic set up of Z’s design. Candles illuminate every window, along with lights that accentuate the small garden bushes, plus the larger bush we call Sponge Bob by the front door. There are also wreaths & bows on all the windows and our large stone chimney, with a small lighted polar bear prowling off to the side for balance.

It must look nice, cuz the local newspaper has put us on the front page the last 2 out of 3 years, and I have often caught regular folks snapping pictures of it.

The irregular folks just snap and roll around on the lawn, but I don’t think that has anything to do with the decorations.

So Z seems to know what she’s doing.

But the execution of the design falls to me, which I sometimes take too literally. See, I need to climb a very high ladder to place the wreath on the chimney and every now and then I forget that it’s not a smart idea to step back and admire my work.

Nope...not a smart idea at all….

But all in all, it always turns out nice, and I usually heal in time for the rest of the holiday hub bub.