My skinny jeans are giving me trouble.
Mostly because I‘m not that skinny.
I can’t feel my legs anymore.
I mean I know they’re still there…I can see the tips of my
toes.
Sort of….
If I bend way over and peek…without tipping over.
Then I can see my toes.
Sort of….
So I know my legs are still where they’re supposed to be.
I just can’t feel them.
Because of the skinny jeans thing.
Apparently this is a pretty common problem in the skinny
jean community.
According
to this recent article in the NY Daily News, doctors are warning that the skinny jeans fad can have painful side
effects that can cause nerve damage if your pants are too tight. Tingling and
numbness are symptoms of the condition meralgia paresthetica that occurs when
the nerve that runs down the front of the thigh is compressed.
I hate that.
These doctors, who I guess specialize in the field of pants,
called “Pantology”, suggest that we “fashion-forward” types use common sense
if we suddenly can’t feel our legs. Their sage advice is…“Switch to a larger size”.
So all those medical school loans were well
spent on coconuts.
I had this same problem with my hats.
My skull was getting numb.
So I stopped wearing hats.
Cuz once my skull was numb I couldn’t think
of any other way.
But I don’t think I can stop wearing pants.
Not if that same judge has
anything to say about it.
So I guess I’ll just start wearing bigger
jeans.
I was causing too many accidents with the old
ones anyway.
I’d be walking down the street, minding my
own business and people would stop their cars and point.
Some would even honk their horns…and then
point.
I mean I understood it…but it was tough to put
up with.
But I guess it comes with the territory.
People just are drawn to a sleek, cool, sexy look…
Just like the song says “It’s the look you want to know better….”
“The
look that’s all together.”
Yep….
So they point…and take pictures…and videos.
And I know they’re having a good time…because
of all the laughing.
So it kind of makes me feel good to help them
with that.
Even if I can’t feel my legs…or my stomach.
Or sit down.
And once the nausea passes most of the people
get back in their cars and drive away.
Probably to go buy their own skinny jeans.
But you have to be careful when you’re buying
skinny jeans; not everyone can pull them off.
Or pull them on….
Just like my skinny jeans…..
Now I can’t feel my chest…or my arms. I guess
because of my skinny shirt.
I better loosen the Velcro….
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ha ha but don't lie. Anyone can tell you're not fat !
ReplyDeleteShhhhhhhhhhh....
DeleteI wear skinny jeans because regular ones result in droopy drawers. I could put the contents of a whole box of Kleenex in the back pockets. Oh wait - include the box. But the skinny jeans - there's no space for just one Kleenex ANYWHERE.
ReplyDelete