Friday, July 20, 2012

Smart Dog

Everyone thinks they have the smartest dog in the world. 

They see them, sitting in front of the window for hours on end, surveying the neighborhood. You assume they’re enjoying the goings on as their squirrel friends’ frolic and their bird buddies skip from here to there.

Ahhhhh…what an idyllic life, to be a dog.

But maybe—just maybe—what your dog is really thinking is….

Where the heck am I, and how did I get here again?

Can I climb trees like that?

Is there any food?

But I guess a lot of you think I’m being too harsh and not giving the dog enough credit.

And I suppose you’re right. At least the dog has enough sense to know that even though it’s transparent, he can’t walk through a glass door.

I’ve had party guests who don’t know that, much to their chagrin and the door’s.

The beauty of being a dog, or any animal, for that matter is that it’s a very instinctive, very intuitive being. It doesn’t give a lot of thought to things…it just does things.

When it’s hungry it eats.  When it’s sleepy it sleeps and when it’s happy it licks your face…much like my old college roommate, whose records are still sealed.

On the other hand, we—the thinkers and analyzers of the world—can’t do anything without picking it apart.

I wonder how much fiber is in that cupcake?”

A dog sniffs the cupcake…eats the cupcake…takes a nap.

We walk by a mirror and think…my ass is huge….

A dog walks by a mirror and thinks…there’s that hairy thing again…

We get invited out and think…do I really feel like going out…is it raining…is it cold… do I want Italian or Chinese?

A dog gets invited out, at any time, in any weather, and thinks…ahhhhhhhh…that’s better.  Is there anything to eat?

If your boss asks you to take a seat, you, think…uh oh… what’s this about?

If you tell your dog to “Sit”, it thinks…why does my butt always go down like that for no reason?

“Roll Over”now that’s weird.

“Beg”what am I doing!

And when you’re done putting your dog through its paces….

I wonder if there’s any food?

While you’re worrying how you’re gonna pay that Visa bill next month…

 Did I really need those $200 Nikes?

Are these pants too tight?

We’re so focused inward we miss that moment of pure Zen that is our dog…or cat…or gerbil.

Well, maybe not the gerbil, cuz who can tell what a gerbil is thinking.

Then by the time we snap out of it, the dog is sitting by the window again, one eye closing with sleep, a chew toy by its side.

Quite the life, we finally recognize, with not a little envy.

And the dog gives in, closes the remaining opened eye and thinks…

Where the heck am I, and how did I get here again?



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  1. This one is REALLY funny!
    I love "We walk by a mirror and think… my ass is huge…. A dog walks by a mirror and thinks… there’s that hairy thing again…"
    question is who or what is watching US and theorizing about our mental competence ...

  2. The dog is thinking the same thing we are: Why am I here? And: It's time for a snack. My brother, sister and I used to tease our dad because he claimed to know what the dog was thinking. Maybe someone at Nova really does know. They are pretty good on the subject of time, which is explained not quite well enough for me to poetry. Thanks, Brian for your wonderful whimsy, which I do understand and appreciate.

    1. Thanks, Joan. I’m glad you understand me. Maybe you can explain me.
      On second thought…

  3. Yes very enjoyable, I can see the book is not so far away. If I may suggest a title? Something along the lines of "From Windows to Walkies"
    Just thinking....... The plot would need to be quite meaty, with a few saucy tidbits.

    1. Mind your knickknack polywhack....this old man came rolling home...


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