Holiday Shuffle

Well, here we are, just a couple of days away from December and the final gasps of 2012. 

I wonder, will all the Triskaidekaphobites just skip past 2013 and go right on to 2014?

Or will they just go into hibernation for a year?

I suppose there’ll be a lot of folks keeping one eye slightly open, slightly askew, at all times next year, looking to pounce on some sort of misfortune to hang on the old one three.

But there’ll be a lot of time to discuss all that, I’m sure.

In fact, I’m surprised some nit wit hasn’t already jumped the gun and brought it up already….

Oh….

Anyway, it’s nearly December and yet another Downhill Holiday Plunge stands before us.

It’s hard to imagine, but each year I become less and less prepared for it, which is why I’ve been lobbying for bi-yearly holidays for bi-decades now.

But I can’t seem to gain much traction on that proposal,

I think mostly because people don’t understand what bi-anything refers to.

I think most people assume that when you attach bi- to any word it somehow connotes something having to do with sexual orientation…or a two wheel, self-propelled vehicle...and sexual orientation.

So it’s been an uphill climb.

Bicycle or not.

Having said that, however, you probably know I’m not one to be easily discouraged (is that laughter I hear?) so I’ve decided to take a new tact.

If we can’t go bi- with the holiday season, why don’t we just go the other way and extend it…for about 3 months into the new year.

This way we can ease into the holidays rather than having it all dumped on us, right after Halloween.

Keep Halloween where it is…unless of course there’s some kind of super storm that dumps on it…in which case we can now apparently re-schedule it to whenever…but move Thanksgiving back a half month or even a whole month.

Then we can re-schedule Christmas, Hanukah and all the other festival of lights for sometime around mid-February.

Okay…sure…that means we bump Valentine’s Day back a bit too.

But come on…it’s Valentine’s Day.

You know?

Drop it into May, June…even August…will anyone even notice?

I know, I know, I know….

I’m messing with tradition…but 18^th, 19^th, 20^th Century tradition.

If I’m not mistaken this is now the 21st Century…time to shake up the calendar a bit.

The retailers will like it…the electric companies will like it too… you know because of the extended holiday lighting season.

It'll even give all the cable TV networks time to program more of their endless schmaltzy Holiday movie fare.

Maybe even produce another couple of dozen.

More work for all those B-list former TV stars.

And by the time all the festivities wind down…it’ll be almost spring.

Not bad, huh?

So hopefully I’ve given you something to ponder while you’re out there hunting down the next big holiday bonanza.

Maybe you'll even form a committee to get the ball rolling.

What…you expect me to do it?

I’m just the idea guy….

Besides I gotta go dig out my Burl Ives Christmas CD.

________________________________________________

Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?

Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"

Now available at Amazon

Click Here to Order

And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”

also available at Amazon

Click Here to Order 

And while you're at it

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 

Follow @FreelanceRetort on Twitter   

Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  

For the latest Retorts: Click here 

Retort to the Retort – FreelanceRetort@gmail.com