Wednesday, January 11, 2012

You Light Up My Brain

I read something, recently, that shed some light on many of the questions concerning my brain.

I don’t mean my brain, specifically, since I don’t think I’ve been singled out…I think. 

Besides, the hat I fashioned out of aluminum foil should be keeping intruders out, for the most part.

No, this was about the human brain, in general.  Questions like, do we really only use 10% of our brain most of the time? And if we’re watching TV do we only use 0.02 % of it?  And if we’re watching reality TV, then…well, you know.

The human brain contains more neurons than there are galaxies in the known universe: about 100 billion on average, plus thousands of miles of nerves, packed into a space the size of a coconut. 

But you knew that….right?

I didn’t…not until I lifted it right out of the article and pasted it here.

So, no two brains are alike—not even those of identical twins…which is a relief since I was starting to wonder about the peculiar guy in the park that talks to squirrels and chases butterflies because the squirrels tell him to. He seems to favor many of the same sweaters that I do…plus he has his own blog…”Squirrel Squawk”.

Despite all our technology, the brain continues to be a mystery to everyone, from scientists to Lindsay Lohan.  But Lindsay thinks she may be on to something in that regard, so stay tuned to Entertainment Tonight.

In fact, Hollywood has become a rich resource for scientists conducting brain studies since many of the folks out there don’t use them, so they happily hand them over to be poked and prodded…usually while they’re on location. Their agents usually demand 10% of any useful thought that’s discovered…but that’s negotiable depending on the celebrity.

Seriously though, if you find yourself oddly fascinated by all things Lindsay, and who could blame you, it’s really not your fault.  You probably have a specialized Lindsay Lohan neuron in your brain. 

Yeah…go figure. 

Apparently each of us have specialized neurons  in our brain that “light up” at the mention or sight of certain celebrities, including Lindsay, Jenifer Aniston, Michael Jordan, Halle Berry, Luke Skywalker and…it goes without saying…Oprah. In fact most of my temporal lobe lights up when I see Oprah coming. Part of that whole fight or flight reflex, I’m guessing.

So, imagine if you will, being cobbled together in that ethereal people factory in the sky, on some sort of assembly line filled with crate after crate of celebrity neurons destined to be included in your makeup.

2 parts Johnny Depp, 3 parts Charo, 7 parts Gary Busey, 6 parts anyone named Jennifer and on and on it goes.  Then imagine if the guy in charge of the Wilfred Brimley area, or even worse…Regis…takes a break…imagine how empty life would be.

So this explains a lot of the heartache in the world…at least for me.

The thing that worries me most about all of this is that I’m sure somewhere…someone is working on an “App for that”.  You point your phone toward somebody and it immediately reads all the celebrity neurons being fired in their brain…including those embarrassing Michael Buble ones.

What…you don’t think it could happen?

So just another example of how little control we actually have over the things that float our boats.  In a way it’s kind of comforting to know that dropping everything to catch a Brooke Shields marathon on cable is not a sign of impaired judgment on your part.  It’s just your brain riding that train…whatever that means.

So don’t be shy…sit back and pop in that DVD of the Blue Lagoon you keep hidden in the back of your closet…even your classic collection of Petticoat Junction’s with the original Billie and Bobbie Jos. 

No one’s gonna judge you…it’s just you being you.

No matter how odd it might seem to the rest of us.

Next time, class, we’ll be debunking some of the more widely perceived myths about the brain.

And no…there’s nothing concerning the validity of mine.

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