Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Cable Connection

The cable guy is here, right now.

I’ve been having some problems with my internet and phone cutting in and out over the last few months, and lately it’s been happening every few hours…intermittently of course.

Which means…not when he’s actually here to check it.

Only after he leaves….

But that’s okay…I don’t mind wasting 10 or 12 hours every few weeks waiting for a “Technician” to come to my house.

I mean, after all, it is a “Technician”.  I should be honored.


So the “Technician” is here right now poking around the wires outside my house.

But like I said…he won’t find anything.

That’s what I always tell them when I call…it’s not me it’s you.

But of course they immediately instruct me to “Boot” my box, which always hurts my foot, not to mention my box, and then, after that fails—and why wouldn’t it—they insist on sending someone out anyway, saying it could be a bad connection on the pole, or on the house, or in the house, or in somebody’s house.

So they come….

And so I wait….

But they have a better system in place now, so it’s not as disruptive to your day as it used to be.

Instead of sitting around for 10 hours, afraid to do anything—and I mean ANYTHING—lest you
miss their knock on the door…they call first to confirm.

Then you sit around for 10 hours, after they call, afraid to do anything—and I mean ANYTHING—lest you miss their knock on the door….

But these days, the “Technician” also calls when he’s on his way and tell you it’s okay to use the John.

So I can’t complain.

When the “Technician” does arrive, he greets you, warmly, even though you detect he’s not all that pleased with the substitute Oreos, you serve him.

What…I’m supposed to ignore the sale brand?

Then after a few minutes of small talk, and another glass of milk—I don’t know what’s wrong with 1%...it’s better for you—he asks to see the “madam”, which I found odd, because I don’t know what Z has to do with any of our cable problems.

Of course, I tell him she’s at work, which doesn’t seem to faze him—I mean, at all—because he simply pushes past me and goes into my upstairs office, where that little do-hickey thing with all the lights is.

I ask him if he thinks that’s where the problem is, because I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

He just grunts.

I tell him in the past, I suspected there was some sort of a pattern to all the blinking lights, and that some sort of message was being conveyed…like, “Hey…all is good, today…make sure to bring an umbrella.”

Another grunt.

“But lately I’ve been detecting a little more attitude, and it totally missed that late afternoon shower the other day.”

The “Technician” now un-plugs the blinking do-hickey, which kind of makes me wince, seeing it in all its un-blinkingness, but I suppose it had it coming. He then detaches the main cable and hooks up some sort of fancy electronic gadget that immediately starts to flash all kinds of readings and numbers that the “Technician” begins to hurriedly jot down.

This pleases me, because it’s obvious we’re making some sort of headway towards pin-pointing the problem, plus he also tells me, I should take the Packer’s minus the points this weekend and reads me an amusing comment from his Twitter feed.

He then asks me, if I’ve been having any “Pixilation” problems, which I answer by saying, “No…not since the summer, since most of the Pixie’s around here don’t seem to like the cool weather.”

To which he merely offers another grunt and says he’s going to check all my “connections”, which I don’t have a problem with, as long as that woman in Miami keeps her trap shut like we agreed.

And that’s where we left off, before he headed outside.

Oh, look. Now he’s across the street up on the pole. 

Well, he’s not actually up on the pole. Right now he’s hanging by one leg on the cable.

Look at him…swinging back and forth, waving his arms.

Such a show off…but a friendly show off.

I guess in the end it’s worth all the inconvenience and aggravation, after all. 

I mean, where else can you get this kind of entertainment?

In fact I’m gonna go make my appointment for next week, right now.

I can already feel my “Signals” dropping.

Not good….

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  1. What happened to the cable techie? The last I heard, he was hanging by one leg and waving his arms around. Did he refuse help? That's one macho techie.

    1. Still hanging on last I looked. Signal is better though...

  2. Don't even attempt to give him a high five.


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