Friday, October 10, 2014

I Wonder

It seems to me there should be a lot more watermelon patches than there are.

I mean, pretty much everywhere.

What with all the watermelon seeds spit out into lawns and fields all over the country, way back when…before they somehow mysteriously made all the seeds disappear…whoever they are, that do these things.

My mom’s backyard, alone, should have sprouted a couple of thousand watermelon plants, or bushes—or whatever it is they grow on—since the 60’s.

Spitting out the seeds was the best part of the whole watermelon experience…especially if you were as adept as spitting them for distance as I was.

Plus my accuracy was pretty precise, as well.  I could nail my cousin’s ear from 10 feet, and he never knew what hit him.

So what happened to all those seeds?

You would think some of them would have taken root over the years.
And what of all those peach pits we buried on boring, hot summer afternoons,  once we got tired of watching the Little Rascals all morning.

Where are all those peaches trees now?

I wonder….

And are all those dead little turtles still buried under that big apple tree?

And what if those goldfish we flushed down the toilet were really only resting, and not dead at all.

And were we really saving our mother’s backs by avoiding the all those cracks; the ones that spread all over the sidewalks, back then?

And, if so, did it cross our minds the spinal havoc we could have potentially brought upon all those poor ladies by recklessly playing hop scotch on all those other days when we weren’t busy spitting out watermelon seeds or sending our turtles to their final resting places?

I wonder….

Also, most of us were trying desperately hard not to break any mirrors back then, as well.

Who needed those 7 years of bad luck?

I was already having enough trouble picking the good cards on Candy Land as it was. I didn’t need 7 more years of being perpetually stuck in the Molasses Swamp.

And then there was the matter of opening umbrellas indoors…you know by mistake or something. 

So you were never sure if one of them was going to pop open by accident…and now you’re stuck in the Molasses Swamp until who knows.


Walking under ladders was bad luck too…especially if your dad was up there cleaning the gutters right after hot dogs and beans for lunch.

Just sayin….

And forget about sneezing.  There were so many perils associated with sneezing; it’s no wonder I was constantly pulling my groin muscle trying to hold them in. Either that or bathe in holy water all week.

Sneeze on Monday, sneeze for danger

Sneeze on a Tuesday, kiss a stranger

Sneeze on a Wednesday, sneeze for a letter

Sneeze on a Thursday, something better

Sneeze on Friday for sorrow
Sneeze on Saturday, see your sweetheart tomorrow

Sneeze on a Sunday, your safety seek. The devil will have you the whole of the week.
And who needs that? 

So it’s no wonder—I wonder—why we spent so much time, back then looking for 4 leaf clovers...just to ward of all this potential bad luck that was waiting to swallow us whole.
 Of course, should the clover fail, you could always cross your fingers…which, oddly enough, also allowed you to get away with telling fibs.

No lie….

Or you could hang a horseshoe over your door…but only open side up….I think…or is it down.

I wonder…

Also, if you had some wood handy you could knock on that.

Pigeons pooping on your head is also considered good luck, as well as rain on your wedding day.

But I’m thinking that might just be more about people trying to make you feel better about a bad situation.

Like if you get run over by a bus, someone might say,“You know, getting run over by a bus is supposed to be good luck.”

And then I suppose you’d feel better about the odd angle your leg is in.

Especially if you had your apple that day, which should in theory keep the doctor away.

I wonder.

Yes, I wonder.

And even more…I wonder why I wonder….


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  1. Jaffa are thinking about making seedless melons too. Spoilsports!

  2. Wunderbar. Wundabah (A Bostonian in Bavaria).

  3. did you just make up that sneezing song? gesundheit!!

    1. I don't have that much time on my hands. Well, yeah...maybe I do, but I suck at Rhymes, which is why I leave them to Ropey. Actually my grandma used to say that all the time...I mean before where were able to get those papers signed.....

  4. Ropey, Joan...need I separate you two. I feel as if I've lost control, here...

  5. I was just saying today's retort is wunderbar that means Wonderful, because it is full of wonder just like life really is and the people in it make it so wonderful people like you who write retorts as well as reports and did you ever see the Fearless Flyer that Trader Joe sends out which is also wonderful.

    1. Oh...I thought you were saying "Wonder Bra Wonder Bra", which, while admirable, seemed usual...even for this group...sort of.

  6. I thought there was an international flavour slipping into these comments. But no! it seems that lingerie was holding up affairs of Détente? Especially this time of year when there is a greater emphasis on apparel. Didn't I write one on Gesundheit a while back?

  7. One must be careful while sneezing, especially if it is a push-up. Gesundheit is no help at all.

    1. Personally I never do push-ups during a period os serious man flu. I'm too busy lying down planning revenge on a wicked world of germ people carriers.


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