The Freelance Retort: New Year’s Impressions

Almost a week into 2015 and the new year is already complaining…at least around here.

(I know…just go with it. It’s been a looooong holiday season)

“Is this it for the weather…is this how it’s gonna be…my whole stretch???”

“No…of course not. This is just the winter weather…January, February…you know…the wary months.”

“Oh right…14 was telling me, just before it limped out of town. Sorry…you just never know until….”

“That’s okay…you’re new.”

“I mean, 14 couldn’t wait to get out of here. Not even a forwarding address to send its unpaid gym membership.”

“Well…a lot of people had issues with 14…in the end, it wasn’t very popular.”

“Yeah…but what year ever is? That’s the first thing they warn us about in year school."

“There’s a school for years?”

“Well…duh…yeah…how else do you expect a brand new year to hit the ground running? Do you think you’re all going to just sit around on your collective thumbs waiting for a new year to catch up? Who does that…I mean, except writers?”

“Uhmmm….”

“Sure…everyone’s excited when we're dropped right into the middle of everything on that silly crystal ball….out with the old in with the new…auld lang syne and all that horn blowing nonsense.
You try showing up to a party with that kind of buildup and no prep.”

“Well, yeah, I guess it does seem a bit excessive…now that you mention it…but it’s just tradition.”

“Tradition…tradition…really? Tradition is nothing but a bad habit you repeat over and over; like picking your nose every time you talk on the phone.”

“Hey…my nasal passages get dry in the winter….”

“Just because you do the same thing over and over doesn’t make it a tradition. You know what it makes it?”

“And blowing doesn’t always get…well, you know….”

“It makes it boring…that’s what it makes it…B-O-R-I-N-G….

“So sometimes you just have to dig—“

“Will you stop with the nose…I wasn’t even talking about your nose. How do I know what you do with your nose or anything else, for that matter? I’m just an artificial measurement of time based on the calculations of a bunch of dead guys with telescopes.”

“Oh….”

“It’s not easy you know. Not like we just show up and coast. People put a lot of pressure on the New Year…happy new year this, happy new year that…tradition tradition…blah blah blah blah blah….”

“Well, traditions are important.”

“Give me one good reason.”

For one, they’re personal and folks enjoy them, mostly because they provide a bridge to the past. Things they shared with families and friends, for as long as they can remember bring a sense of stability and comfort, while everything else around seems to change daily.”

“Okay…I’ll give you that. But a new year only has 12 measly little months to do its job and get it right. We don’t get to sit around drinking eggnog and roasting marshmallows. I mean, most of the time we’re so busy trying to measure up to all of your past weather expectations. And if we vary from the norm by even a little, what do we get? A whole lot of …wow, this year’s so cold…this year’s so hot, this year’s so dry, so wet, so fast, so slow....”

Yeah…I guess we do expect a lot from our new year’s…but that’s why we get so excited…we never know what each new year will bring. Out with the old and in with the new….”

“Yeah yeah yeah…Happy New Year! Everyone’s so positive and optimistic…the new year is gonna change everything…you’re all gonna lose weight, run a marathon, write a book...maybe even read one.”

“Well, you’re a clean slate…a new place to start…a brand new—“

“And so was 2014…and 13…and 12…and 11. So what happened there?”

“Uh…stuff…”

“Stuff…what kind of stuff? Must have been some big, big stuff….

“Yeah…well, sure…some of it was…a little big…the stuff….”

“Listen, I might have been born less than a week ago, but we years grow up pretty quickly. Right now it’s all, hurray for 15 and better days ahead! But before you know it, I’ll be a quarter of the way done and most of you will have already given up and started the, wait for next year chants.”

“That’s not necessarily tru—”

And then by the time I’m three quarters done, you’ll all be bad mouthing me, looking to shove me out the door, and bring in 16…like it was all my fault.”

“Now, you’re just exaggerating.”

“So here’s the thing…stop putting all your ills, misfortune and lack of success on poor 14. 14 had nothing to do with it, no more than I’m going to have any influence over what happens in the next 11 plus months. That’s all on you.”

‘Well, I—”

“I’m just a backdrop, a stage, a frame of reference for you to look back on some day. And all the things you place in front of that backdrop and on that stage is your call…which will determine how you perceive me.

‘So you’re saying—”

“What I’m saying is, if you want to make me a good year, one to remember, one with which to measure all the rest…then make it happen. And keep it happening new years or not, one after the other…until….”

“Happ-ening becomes happ-iness….”

“Ahhhh…I think we’ve just had a moment.”

‘Wow…it’s already kicking in…this might really be a great year!”

“Like I said…that’s up to you, bub…and all the rest, not me. Whata I know…I’m still just a kid”

“A New Year’s baby…”

“And getting older every minute that I sit here yammering with you.”

“Right…well, good talk… and thanks for dropping in.”

“My pleasure.”

“And have a happy new year!”

Sighhhhhhhh….

“Sorry…just a habit….”

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