Wednesday, January 6, 2016

I Need an Upgrade

Most mornings I turn on my phone and get a bunch of notifications concerning upgrades.

This APP or that has been automatically upgraded while I was snoozing.

So that’s cool...I think.

I guess I must have agreed to this somewhere along the line.

I mean, they wouldn’t just upgrade my APPs without my permission, would they?

How rude would that be?

Most of the time I don’t even notice the difference from one version to the next.

They probably just made it easier for the cameras to zoom in on my nostrils while I’m sawing wood in my sleep.


Oh, no...I don’t mean  snoring. I actually saw wood while I sleep.

Nuts, huh?

Not to mention messy.

Z hates it.  Say’s I’m getting sawdust everywhere.

But I can control what I do in my sleep?

Can you?

But I digress...again.

The point is my APPs get upgraded on a regular basis. 

Sometimes they’re imperceptible and sometimes they can be when they change whole interfaces; deleting stuff, adding stuff or just moving stuff around, from here to there, which can lead to some confusion.

One time on Facebook, I thought I was tapping the notification thingy when I was really tapping the message thingy, which had swapped places with the notification thingy, so instead of finding out who liked my casserole compilation I ended up conversing with a dude from some place called Mocklovia.

Yeah...I know, sounded kind of suspect to me too...but he seemed nice and he showed me a lot of pics of his family, who for some reason don’t wear a lot of clothes.

I guess it’s warm in Mocklovia.

Plus he almost never uses my credit card, anymore. Not unless he gets hungry or needs a new TV....

Sometimes APPs I never even use get upgraded, or better yet, ones I never knew I had.

But I suppose it’s nice to know if I ever need them they’ll be up to date.

One never knows when one will need to access “The Complete Guide to Berber Carpet”.

So all these upgrades in the night got me thinking...which can be somewhat disconcerting if you’re within 40 feet of me.

Wouldn’t it be great if I could actually receive upgrades while I’m sleeping, too!

You know, in between the wood sawing.

For starters, I could certainly use a few tweaks to my operating system.

Eliminating some of those odd noises that pop out of my mainframe first thing in the morning couldn’t hurt.

And my point of view, attitude and in general state of mind could certainly use refreshing.

Maybe then I wouldn’t take those comments the squirrels make outside my window so personally.

Any system updates that speed up my central processing core would be an overall improvement.

Hell, just finding my shoes in the morning would be an overall improvement.

Imagine if I could suddenly translate my thoughts into French...overnight...or even Mocklovian.

Upgrade my palate drivers so my diet would consist of more than cheese burgers and fries.  Maybe I'd finally appreciate the difference between hot dog brands...not to mention brown mustard versus yellow.

And I could certainly use an entire re-design of my interface.

A sleeker, slimmer, quicker version of the current one.

Eliminate some of the drag and wrinkles.

Trim the fat as it were...even as it is...even as it will be.

Less time to boot up and power down.

Something a little more user friendly with cleaner graphics, without so many system quirks and hidden buttons that go off on tangents within tangents if you select the wrong combinations at an importune time.

Perhaps with some type of redundancy built in that asks the user....

“Are you sure you really want to go there?”

Maybe even an automatic deletion feature to remove old, unproductive files that might corrupt my upgraded OS.

Like the memory of eating liver in the dining hall when I thought it was steak.

Or the incident with the spaghetti. upgrade would be perfect.

If it’s good for my APPs, why not me?

I’ll start working on it tonight while I’m sawing wood.

Maybe, I’ll finally find a use for all that lumber.....



Have you picked up my new book “The Kingdom of Keys”?
No....what's up with that???
Better hurry before they're ALL GONE...which is a lie because they'll never be all gone...never....

So why not buy one just to reward my forthrightness..ness...ness?

You might even enjoy it.

And spread the word...cuz nobody else is....

Just sayin....
Available now at -  Click Here

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