Friday, March 4, 2016

It’s a Plus





 
I’m thinking about becoming a plus size model.

They’re all the rage these days.

Plus I can maintain my plus size.

Not a problem....

Which is definitely a plus.

Plus I think it’s great people are finally accepting their bodies, no matter what shape or size they are.


It is what it is...we are who we are.

Not what the label inside our clothes say

Who’s knows what perfect really is, anyway? 

I mean, except for Trump...and my mom, who tells me that I’m not...all the time.


If you’re so called “Buff” then good for you...show off those abs...pump up those bi-ceps....just keep your shirt on while you’re mowing the lawn.

It annoys me.

If you’re a bit on the “fluffy” side, that’s fine too. You’ve got substance...more to love...just keep your shirt on while you’re mowing the lawn.

Because, while I appreciate your confidence and high level of self-esteem...it still annoys me.

And since “Plus” is all the rage, now, you’re going to find a lot of people trying to out “Plus” one another.

Who can be the “Plus-iest”?

Always a competition....

Maybe I’ll try something else slightly less trendy.

Maybe I’ll become a transgender.

Or even better...a plus size transgender.

I could do alternate genders on alternate days.

Which could be confusing if I mix up my shoes.

Or...I could be a lesbian.

Why not?

I mean, I already like women.

Or....even better.

Which could be even more confusing...with or without mixing up the shoes.

What if I—

Nah...I better not say it.

I’ve probably said enough politically incorrect statements to qualify as a Republican candidate for President.


Hey...that’s an idea...I could be a Republican...or even better...a democratic socialist republican.

I don’t think we have one of those.

I’d be a shoe in for the nomination....with or without heels.

I mean, since I’m the only one.

Especially if I’m a lesbian, plus size, transgender, democratic socialist republican.

Or perhaps I could be a sensitivity trainer.

Teach people not to step on others people’s toes.

Or their heels for that matter.

In fact it’s just good policy not to step on anything at all.

I mean, unless you’re running for President, then you can step on just about anything you want and become more and more popular.

Hey...now there’s an idea.

Oh, wait...that’s already been done....




______________________________


Have you picked up my new book “The Kingdom of Keys”?
                                                
No....what's up with that???

Better hurry before they're ALL GONE...which is a lie because they'll never be all gone...never....

So why not buy one just to reward my forthrightness..ness...ness?

You might even enjoy it.


And spread the word...cuz nobody else is....

Just sayin....
 
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5 comments:

  1. Loved it Brian, the transgender thing had me concerned at first but then again I thought "I dunno, Brianna Moloney does have a shabby chic feel to it" As for the lesbian thing, well why not? I totally support you. In fact, the wife and I did have darn good chuckle over this one. Well done....

    ReplyDelete
  2. sounds like you need a hobby...or perhaps it's time for you to get out of the house. mow the lawn, but keep your shirt on...or at least you can wear a tube top.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I can be a sedentary marathoner...

      Delete
    2. is that like a jumbo shrimp?

      Delete

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