The Freelance Retort: One Zombie...One Vote!

The Zombies across the street are not happy with the election results.

Which, to be honest, I find surprising since most of them didn’t vote.

Even though a lot of them are still on the eligible voter rolls.

Oh, they talk a good game...about Zombie civic duty and all...but when push comes to shove, which it often does with Zombies, most of them just don’t shuffle down to the polls.

I guess you can’t really blame them.

Not after that incident back in 2004 when the poll workers refused to let one of them vote because they said he’d decomposed too much since 2002.

So now, they argue, the system is rigged against the un-dead.

“Don’t we have rights, too?” they shout...or gurgle, really, since most of them have throat issues.

“Uh, not really”...I want to say, but don’t...for obvious reasons.

“One ghoul, one vote...even if it’s made up of more than one person’s parts!” they shout...but, again, not really, for the above same reason.

It seems the Zombies are up in arms...and legs and feet, what have you...because they’ve heard rumors the incoming administration does not look kindly on Zombies.

That they’ve all bought in to that whole Zombies are heartless beings that have no place mixing with polite society.

And, okay, while they admit the heartless thing is an issue for some, they’re very proud with how they’ve assimilated into society, which to be honest is not all that polite to Zombies.

They say, just look at how many of us are gainfully employed by the film and TV industry.

Plus, a lot them who don’t act tutor.

Not to mention the speaking gigs at the tolerance center.

And now they’re worried they’ll never get health insurance, when they’ve come so close...what with the pre-existing condition clause now at risk.

To be honest, I’ve never seen the Zombies or any of the neighborhood ghouls as interested in an election as they were this year’s.

There was a lot of political back and forth at the Werewolves after Halloween party, this year, which is rare.

The Vampires being primordial creatures of the night, are, for the most part, conservative and of course hate to see things change.

While the Werewolves, on the other paw, are change freaks by nature and are always touting progressive causes, which just brings out the Vampire’s fangs.

And then there are the Zombies, who really don’t like to fall into one basket or another, mostly because they know when things fall off into baskets, there’s bound to be complaints from the other shoppers.

So they usually just sit quietly and keep their opinions to themselves, because they know with the high profile nature of Zombies today, people are always blaming them for society’s ills.

Which they feel is so unfair, since they’re certainly not the only ghouls in town.

And now they’re talking about protests in the streets, million Zombie marches and so forth to stir things up.

And with Zombies, especially, you never want to see things getting stirred in any manner.

Just the clean up alone, after that kind of thing, is not good.

But I suppose it’s their right.

Or not...I’m not really sure with Zombies.

In the meantime I just tell them what I tell everyone else who is dissatisfied.

Give the system a chance to work, as the system always has, and it will be fine.

There’s no point in falling all to pieces...literally.

Give it a chance to play out.

At least until February.

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