It’s Halloween...you know?

Today is Halloween, which is something you probably already know.

But I’m good at that...telling you stuff you already know.

It’s a good way to get people to agree with you...maybe even like you a little bit.

I might pass someone out on the walking trail, later, and say, “Great weather, today, huh?”

To which they’ll probably reply, “Great weather all fall!”

And despite the fact they’re a little “one-upping” me, it still makes me feel good—“one-upping”, notwithstanding—makes them feel good—“one-upping” being a plus—and everyone goes on their way, feeling good...unless a stray shower or dog suddenly pops up, then all bets are off the table.

But you probably already know that too.

Doesn’t that make you feel good?

You’re welcome.

So, as I said...today is Halloween, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it.

So I just did....

And isn’t the weather just great?

I mean, as far as Halloween weather goes.

If it were July 31, and a crisp sunny 52 degrees, we’d probably all be whining about the cold snap ruining our beach time.

Plus, confused about all the ghosts, skeleton and spider webs spreading out over all the neighborhood.

Unless of course, you live across the street from a family of ghouls, which I do, and it’s an everyday occurrence.

But you know that.

So again...you’re welcome.

I expect we’ll be giving out our usual ration of 1,200 pieces of candy...depending on how much I manage to polish off, myself, this afternoon...oh, and okay, this morning.

It’s part of the tradition...you know.

So who am I to break tradition?

Tradition is what makes holidays holidays and Halloween is the first of the Big Three that slings us into the New Year.

Okay, yeah, I know. As holidays go Halloween is kind of a lame excuse for one. It doesn’t even merit a day off.  Unless you go to Catholic school; then you get tomorrow off, which as a kid I thought was a concession to sugar overload and the accompanying belly ache that followed.

Still, folks do decorate, dress up and throw Halloween themed parties, not to mention the Charlie Brown special, which, I suppose, earns it a little bit of “holiday” status.

And I guess, it’s good to start small and build up to the more prestigious of the year-end holiday trifecta.

If only we didn’t have to answer the door so much.

And smile so much.

And be pleasant...so much.

But all that’s kind of a given when you’re dealing with the kiddies. 

Otherwise they could be traumatized for life...or at least until they get to the next house.

At least that’s what the police officer told me a couple of years ago.

At least I think she was a police officer.

That’s what the clown said...and the vampire agreed.

And by tomorrow it’ll all be behind us; the Turkeys and Pilgrims will appear...and the calendar will turn to November.

November 1^st...All Souls day, which, as I mentioned previously, is the day off, confined to catholic schools....not to be confused with No Souls day...which for the most part is confined to Washington.

Which is something you probably already know.

You’re welcome....

___________________________________________________

Need a treat...or even a trick?

Pick up my new "Updated" collection of Retorts

Still "fresh" in the original "absurdity"

and

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 

Follow @FreelanceRetort on Twitter   

Follow on Google +

Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail  

Retort to the Retort – FreelanceRetort@gmail.com

While you're at it

Check Out

The Kingdom of Keys

&

The Little Red Christmas Ball

Click Here to Order