This whole Mountain Lion thing is turning into an Area 51 type story.
Officials seem very evasive as to what's really going on.
The Unofficials are even more uncertain.
Is the Greenwich Mountain Lion one & done…or are there more around?
The Connecticut State Department of Environmental Protection’s police unit say it is…but yet there are “sightings” of other Mountain Lion type creatures all around the area.
Of course, there are some so called “Mountain Lion death photos” floating around, purporting to be the actual Mountain Lion, spread out on the side of the Wilbur Cross parkway.
As is my policy, I’m not going to display these photos, since I’m afraid it will only enrage and incite the said to be, closely knit Mountain Lion community into taking retaliatory action against drivers of SUVs...though most of them would probably be too busy talking on their cell phones to notice.
DEP is said to include the “conducting of tests, analyzing paw prints”—just like on CSI, except in this case instead of AFIS, they need to use APIS, which of course stands for Automated Pawprint Identification System—“and scat samples” (you’re on your own with that one). I guess to determine if this is indeed the one and the same alleged, illegal, Greenwich Mountain Lion. I say illegal because The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service declared the eastern mountain lion to be extinct.
But apparently, no one told the Mountain Lions.
The DEP also said they are…“actively investigating this case as a violation of Connecticut laws.”
Because apparently existing when you’ve been declared extinct is a crime in the Nutmeg State...unless you're Regis.
And while state officials are insisting that…”there is no native population of mountain lions in Connecticut,” residents in the Greenwich area and in the state are being advised “to use precaution, and to keep small animals and children inside…”
In addition, the state agency has said that anyone who sees anything that looks like a mountain lion should call the DEP hotline, which, I can tell you, has been nothing short of a major nuisance for my Aunt Franny from Danbury, who, in her mid-40’s, developed a rare condition that led to the formation of unusually large jowls, which, in the early 80’s, necessitated a painful series of plastic surgeries, and ever since has been said to resemble an intermediate sized Feline.
Authorities also confirmed that the dead animal, who was male, “was not neutered, had no collar, was not declawed and was, through a “cursory examination,” noted to be a lean mountain lion, and not out of shape in any way…”
Which proves that the he was definitely not married ….
So here’s where I come down on all of this, and what the hush hush is all about.
What the government agencies are not saying and don’t wan’t you to know is that these Mountain Lions have long been living, discreetly, in previously unsalable Co-ops, right here, in the wooded suburbs of New York City. And for decades, by necessity, they’ve learned to blend in amongst us.
Their cubs attend the same schools as your kids….
Play on the same soccer teams….
They shop at the same supermarket and complain about the poor selection of small mammals available in the meat department, just like you and I.
Sit next to you on the train as they commute to the city, almost giving themselves away by sometimes wearing suits on casual Friday.
So that’s the big secret. The big cover-up the government doesn’t want you to know.
The Mountain lion isn’t extinct. It isn’t new to this area. It’s here…it’s been here…and it’s going to stay here.
The Mountain Lion is just the weird kid with the funny whiskers and sharp teeth that’s taking your daughter to Prom.
You just assumed he was British….
Definitely NOT The News...
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I know...too many options. Probably better to just go back to bed....