Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Death Be Not Cheap....

The cost of dying is going up...and the dead aren’t happy. 
Are they ever? 
The whiners….

A recent story in the Journal News  states that costs at many New York cemeteries are rising at the alarming rate of 20-36% and many of the dead are looking to relocate to more hospitable climes; preferably close to an Applebee’s

According to the article, burials are way down as more and more dead folk are opting for cremation, a less costly option.  Plus, clothing's optional and you can re-purpose the casket. 

I hear they make excellent beverage coolers for large summer BBQ’s.

The head of Cold Spring Cemetery said his longtime grave digging “contractor” suddenly resigned, forcing the cemetery to find a new contractor who charged double the price.

Needless to say, you just can’t expect to walk out onto the moors and stumble on a good grave digging contractor anymore; not like the old days; not since they unionized. And forget about one with a hump who eats bugs.
Those are the first to go....

The official, whose small rural cemetery had up to 100 burials annually five years ago, went on to say, "Last year we did 60, and this year we're only at 24.  It's because of the high cost of dying."

The head of the larger, more prominent, Kensico Cemetery, located in Valhallanaturallysaid their burial census is also down, from 2,200 three years ago to only 1,750  in 2010.  

For those who don’t know, Kensico Cemetery is also the afterlife home to baseball legend Lou Gehrig.

True to his “Iron Horse” reputation Mr. Gehrig, who now considers himself “The luckiest man under the face of the earth” is said to have his eye on the “Most Consecutive Days Dead” record, but acknowledges he has quite a long haul ahead of him, not to mention competition.

His streak currently stands at 25, 635 days and counting. 
Actually, I’m not sure Lou really gets it, but we’re all rooting for him. I think he’s even doing a blog about it. It’s a little dry, but so is Lou. 

In order to counteract this downward burial spiral, cemeteries around the region are said to be considering several clever marketing ploys. These include: Two for Tuesdays, Ladies Night Wednesdays, Pet Night Thursday, Swinging Singles Weekends and the popular, Share Eternity with a Celebrity Monday.

I’m sorry…Carrot Top is already spoken for…twice.

Not all local cemeteries have been able to recoup costs with these large rate increases, however. 38 nonprofit cemeteries in New York, fall under state control and are only allowed what are referred to, curiously enough, as “Cost of Living” increases. 
Enough said….

The article also goes on to state that funerals have gotten more expensive as well.

According to the 2010 National Funeral Directors Association's General Price List Survey, the average cost of a funeral in 2009 was $6,560, compared with $5,180 in 2000 and $3,742 in 1991.

So sooner, rather than later, is the way to to speak.

 In addition, these costs don't include flowers, the monument, grave marker or the burial…but apparently do provide for a park bench and a bag of peanuts to feed the squirrels as they feed on you.  

I don’t know, burial, cremation, cryogenics, space the final frontier…what’s it matter?

Dead is Dead. Who cares how you spend eternity? 

Unless of course you’re stuck with the Carrot guy.

I’m just hoping for a great next life, where, hopefully, all the ills of this life have been corrected, or at least passed on to some other stressed out Blogger.

I’m also hopping for a Subway around the corner. The Sandwich shop, not the transportation.
I’m not gonna let all those Free Sub Cards I've been collecting go to waste....

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