The Freelance Retort: Fat Summer!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Fat Summer!

It’s official.

Vacation is over and it's time to declare….

In the past we’ve had Dragon Fly Summer, due to the unusual proliferation of dragon flies in the area.

Flip Flop Summer, for they seemed to be everywhere that year, too, even though, as I said in the recent past, I disdain them for personal use due to my hairy toes.

Turtle Summer (see Dragon Fly Summer above).

Nasty Rash Summer, of which I won’t trouble you with the details.

And now.…

The moment you’ve all been waiting for…..

2011 has been officially designated as….

Fat Summer….

Yep...that's right....

Fat Summer....

I thought in February it could be avoided. Thought there was oodles of time (oodles?) to shed a few pounds or 15.

Thought the same in March, April even May.

But once June settled in, I knew…I was sunk. Those 15 pounds weren’t going anywhere.

Too many G & T's and Summer Brew enhanced sunsets on the deck.

Too many bagels and cream cheese breakfasts as I retorted.

Too many Salami and Provolone lunches on the beach; Fritos on the side, as I thought about retorting.

Famous Amos chocolate chips for desert, followed by a couple or three or four fun size Milkyway bars

Too many prosciutto mozzarella rolls, Port Wine cheese and crackers, preceding the main course of BBQ chicken or steak or lamb chops or spare ribs.
After dinner walks down to Carvels for a Black & White ice cream soda.

So you get the idea...

Summer for me is one big Roman Bacchanalia, which is a term derived from some Greek God named Bacchus, who, if I’m not mistaken, at one time was also the cartoon voice of the nearsighted Mr. Magoo.

So you can see why it’s important for me to shed the pounds early in the year, knowing that I will undoubtedly put on 10-15 from June to September, which is manageable. However, 10-15 on top of 10-15 is not.

I should point out that, in my mind at least, I carry it well, and as long as I remain casually un-tucked, I can disguise it…as I said, in my mind, at least.

It’s not that I’m one of those walking around with my belly in a wheelbarrow kind of guys.

Just a little mound of round across my middle.

If I suck my stomach in, which I do whenever I spot a camera, you can hardly notice it.

But don’t worry. Once Labor Day has come and gone and the autumn cool settles in, I’ll begin the shedding process. I’m like a snake that way.

Because when the holidays come…there’s G & T’s and Winter Lager, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, prosciutto mozzarella rolls, shrimp cocktails, little meatballs, port wine cheese and crackers, Christmas cookies, brownies, cheese cake, M & Ms & Holiday kisses…did I mention the pepperoni and provolone.

Hmmmm…so 15 + 15 + 15…..