Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Rainy Day Blues

As of Wednesday, today, as you're reading this, were finally supposed to be in for a nice day, all day...finally.

However, as I write this, in the gloomiest of gloomy gloamings, the rain still falls...and falls and falls.

I believe there may have been a toad or two as well, but that might have been the local politicians running for county office campaigning door to door. 

So.again, that age old question persists: what does a freelance worker person do when the great outdoors is neither fit for man nor beast except, like I said, the guy running for county donut maker?

Well if you live with Z you don’t have much choice.  You go to the Hallmark store and buy greeting cards for friends and relatives and even relative friends.

But you knew that.

Personally, if it were up to me, which it isn’t, I wouldn’t have any friends or relatives since buying birthday cards and such is about as compelling a task as cleaning out my gutters. And to be honest the gutters can be somewhat less demanding.

And of course we can’t just go to any Hallmark store; we have to go to the “good” hallmark store in Connecticut. You know. the place in the overcrowded shopping center, where you have to park a mile and a half away and trudge through puddles and slashing rain to get there.

Except this time we got a space pretty close to the store…but it could have been nasty.

I’m just saying.

For real….

Z will send cards to just about anybody who has a thing coming up. I personally think this is overly thoughtful of her since I am petty and subscribe to the school that you only even think of sending cards to reciprocate for those who have sent cards to you. Or in a few rare exceptions to those whom you want to send a special message of endearment, like—
                Happy Birthday, don’t forget you still have my Abba Record”.

 “Sorry to hear you had your gallbladder removed, but do you expect me to be surprised?”

Well, I made that one up and I’m not even sure what it means or what a gall bladder does, or whether having one out is a big deal.  But I do know, since I was actually hired to write about it once, that they can now suck it out through your belly button, which may or may not be a cool activity for a rainy day.

But I digress….

Sort of, not totally, because nowadays, they have cards for just about anything…I’m guessing even gall bladder removal. In fact I saw a whole section devoted to specific disease states, from cancer to schizophrenia. 

Now I know that none of these are in any way a laughing matter, especially if it’s your specific disease state…but I don’t know, I’m not sure a card is going to do it for me.  I’d rather get a cure…or at least a case of beer.

It’s kind of like if you’re hit by a bus and someone says, “Hang on, I'll get the priest! 

No offense, but I’d rather they get a doctor. 

There’re cards for divorce….

It’s about frigging time!
Now go get your shots.”


Guess you never saw it coming…need I say more?”

Cards for getting fired….

Don’t worry; things will get better…maybe.”


Apparently you suck at what you do, but we still think you’re great!”

Cards for Her

Cards for Him

Cards for It....

Cards for Them

Cards from UsTwo of Us…All of Us…Some of Us…None of Us….

Cards for Grandma, Grandpa, Cool Uncles, Weird Uncles, Aunts of every description, Godmothers, Godfathers, Rabbis, Shamans, Gurus, Imams, priests…okay now I’m afraid I’m gonna leave someone out and offend this group or that, so I’m going to stop….

But you get the idea.

And if the card companies had their way there would be a national holiday for all of these categories as well.

You know, aside from all the standards there would be Slow Footed Mailman Day, Annoying Customer Service Rep Day, Smelly Smoker Day, Much Too Happy Fast Food Guy Day, Loud Music Playing at 5 AM Newspaper Delivery Guy Day…and needless to say Obnoxious Opinionated Blogger Guy Day. 

Needless to say….

Oh look!  The sun just actually popped out so I think I’m going to run out there and take a long look at it so I’ll have a mental picture of it to carry around with me for when it disappears again.

Lucky for you….

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