Thursday, December 22, 2011

Holiday Hazards

I usually don’t post something new on Thursdays, mostly because it follows Wednesday and precedes Friday, when I do post something new, and mostly because I’m lazy.

Plus I’m afraid I only have a certain number of thoughts and ideas and I’m afraid they're rapidly running out; so I’m rationing them….

Still, having said that, I’m sitting here at midnight, writing more of what one of my loyal Patch readers referred to, a couple of weeks ago, as my “tongue in cheek drivel”—which I actually took as a compliment, for some odd reason—waiting on that special moment, in just a matter of minutes, when the sun stops dead in its tracks

I also have some “Marotta Marauders” still wandering around, even though I turned off the tree lights about an hour ago.

Thanks again, to Ms. M, the “Blogging Queen” for sharing her readers with me yesterday.  Christmas indeed came early. 
I hope I’ve returned them, for the most part, with their sanity still intact, no worse for the wear or drivel.  And if some of them have indeed left part of their sanity behind and come back to look for it, I thought I’d better be here to greet them and help them search around for it.

It might be under the old secretary in the corner; lot's of things seem to end up under there....
Anyway, what I was thinking aboutwhile I was sitting here waiting for the sun to stop, even though it’s dark on this side of the world, making it difficult to see the sun, let alone see it stopwas that there are many hazards that abound at this Holiday time of year…even if you’re not looking for the sun.

Hazards, mostly for my waistline.

For one, Z keeps a small bowl of Christmas M & Ms—you know the snoot ones that banish all the other colors except for the red and green—in a bowl by the entrance way to the dining room, through which all things run…at least to the kitchen, in this house. 

So,basically, neither one of us can walk pass this enticing little bowl, without dipping our fingers in it, as if it were a bowl of holy water in the vestibule of the church. 

So there’s that….

Once you’re able to navigate past the M & Ms, there’s then the little cup of Holiday Hershey Kisses that serve as decorations on the dining room china cabinet.  Unlike the M&Ms, however, these little gems are not just red and green…there are silver ones as well.

After a brief stopover with the kisses, one then finally works their way into the kitchen, where a festive assortment of homemade holiday cookies awaits you. And it would just be rude not to stop and chat with them for a while…or devour one or two or three.  But only the the ones from the first batch with the slightly overdone bottoms.  Because that's a RULE....

And once you’re able to move on from all this temptation that is thrust upon you…or more like on ME…I then grab what brought me into the kitchen in the first place…a can of Diet Coke…you know…because I’m watching my weight.

So it’s hard.

I’m also trying not to ruin my appetite so I have room to lick the bowl after I bake my brownies, tomorrow, for our upcoming party on Friday.  That’s one of the indulgences I’m actually allowed, but not until the bowl has been emptied into the baking pan…that's another least now.  Licking the brownie bowl while it's still full of brownie substance is apparently frowned upon in this establishement.

Then there are the candy canes hanging on the tree, which Z has to replace every other day…okay…every day, because how do you just walk by edible decorations…every day?

I mean how...?

And that’s only the in house hazards. How about that fruit cake the neighbors drop off, mostly because somebody dropped it off at their house and they didn’t want it, so it gets passed around like a hot potato from neighbor to neighbor until it finally ends up back at the originator, who also didn’t want it in the first place.

I don’t know…I’m kind a traditionalist, so I think that’s all kind of “Bah Humbuggish-ish”.  I mean if someone goes to all the trouble of bringing me a fruitcake, I accept it in the spirit of the season…and drop it off in another town. 
Believe me, there’re so many poor fruitcakes getting passed around out there, nobody notices another one.

Okay…looks like the sun has finally stopped moving. Well, like I said, if I could actually see it, which I can’t, here in the Northern Hemisphere…it wouldn’t be moving.

But I am…straight to my bed.
If the sun can sleep can I....

Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?

Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"

Now available at Amazon

And don't forget

“The Kingdom of Keys”

also available at Amazon

And while you're at it

Like" the Retorts on Facebook 


  1. So that's why you came to bed so late, I wondered :) Z

  2. That was from Z...not me. In case you thought I talked to myself, which I do, but rarely respond.

    Yes you do…no I don’t…yes you do…no I don’t


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”