Monday, December 19, 2011

Holiday Tunes

We’re getting to the point in the Christmas season that if I hear yet another rendition of “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer”, I'll start screaming something very different than HO HO HO.

But that’s just me.

It just seems that every place I go there's some version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” booming from above…or below...or behind.

But I guess it’s to be expected this time of year.  Actually, it might be more fun in July, but those fuzzy Santa outfits don’t breathe very well.

If you’re of my particular generation or thereabouts, the Holiday songs you gravitate to are the old classics that your parents always played. The actual ghosts of Christmas past, as it were.

Bing and Frank, Nat and Burrell. Dean Martin, Jimmy Durante, Gene Autrey, Bobby Helms….

Dolly, Pearl, Caesar, and King, The Singing Dogs.  The original Theodore of the Chipmunks.  Dominic the Donkey.

All gone…even the more relatively contemporary Elvis and Karen Carpenter.

Gone, gone, gone….

Yet, not forgotten; still, they serenade us every December, these ghosts.

The soundtrack of all our Christmas memories passed down from one generation to the next until even the new becomes old.

I can just hear the kids in 2095….

“I can’t stand it…my grandparents always play this ancient 'Have a Berry Bieber Christmas' collection every year.”

“I know, mine too…hasn’t he been dead for like 50 years?”

“Yeah, but they say it’s a classic…”

And it’s true…you can’t beat the classics.  Some of the lyrics though give you pause.

“Through the years we all will be together, If the fates allow…”

Say what!  Do I have to be reminded that a truck with my name on it might just be out there on the highway right now.

“And have yourself a merry little Christmas now”.

In other words, while you still can.


Rudolph the red nose reindeer? I mean who needs to be constantly reminded just how cruel all the popular, cool reindeer can be?

Don’t we get enough of that every day in real life?

Bring us some figgy pudding???  

When’s the last time you had, let alone wanted some figgy pudding?

“Deck the Halls with boughs of holly.”

When’s the last time you decked anything, or even used the word deck when it didn’t apply to the place you drink your beer in the summer? 

And are all those boughs hypo allergenic?

What if some kid gets a hive…what then?

Really…what then?????

“There'll be scary ghost stories…?” 

Always a big winner at my house.

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus?" 


And that kid was okay with that; so nonchalant about the whole thing?

Do you know how many years that traumatized me? I was 35 before I finally figured it out…

And how many versions of White Christmas are there…2,700?

Can’t get enough of that! And when it does snow on Christmas, everybody bitches about the nightmare it was getting over to Grandma’s house…even if they didn’t have to go over the river and through the woods.

And why is grandma doing all the cooking anyway? She’s 95 people!  Give the poor old lady a break for once. Can’t anyone else cook a holiday dinner…or at least bake a frickin Pumpkin Pie?


But I suppose these are what define the Christmas season for all of us.

I have them all on my iPod, along with Andy and Perry, The Boss, Bono, Sarah, Colbie, Darlene, Gloria, Ronnie, Brenda, Mannheim, Jimmy, Vince, Garth and even a guy named Leon.  I crank them all up right along with the fireplace and the tree, while I sit and enjoy my figgy pudding.

Oh, and some people say there’s some sort of religious bent to the whole thing.

But I’m not sure about that…I’d have to Google it.


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