Friday, August 17, 2012

A Good Sandwich

I make a pretty good sandwich, even if I do say so myself.

Kind of a thing a beauty, really…you have to admit.

Not that I’ve had any actual sandwich making training; I’ve just observed the deli guys over the years…so I’m pretty good.

I only bring it up cuz I’m not that good at making anything else…except noise.

I make a lousy salad…the worst actually.

Just some lettuce and tomato.

If I’m ambitious and we have them in the house, maybe I’ll slice up some cucumber…possibly a radish.

Sometimes I forget to rinse the stuff off though, so I just run some water over the whole bowl and shake it around a bit, then pour it out.


So I wouldn’t eat my salad.

But my sandwiches’…different story.

The trick is in the meat application.

First of all the meat, whether it’s turkey, roast beef, ham, what have you, needs to be sliced super thin.

Then you take the thinly sliced meat and plop it on your bread product, after of course having applied your condiment of choice, be it mayo, mustard…whatever suits you.

It’s the plopping that’s key. Most amateur sandwich makers usually take the slice of meat and lay it flat on the bread, fold it neatly to size, one on top of the other, be it a roll or a hero or even plain sliced bread (not recommended for sandwich perfection).

Nope…never lay your meat flat…plopped is the key. And the more unruly the plop, the better.

Flat meat can slide right off the bread.

But not plopped.

Then you season to taste, with a little salt & pepper, add some cheese, lettuce and tomato, season some more, then top it off making sure every thing stays nice and tight inside.

If need be you can stick a couple of toothpicks in there for support…if need be.

Just don’t forget they’re in there.

Not good….

Believe me…I know.

Then you’re all set to go…or stay home and eat in.

If it’s to go, say to the beach go, for later, then I recommend wrapping a hero in some nice and sticky plastic wrap; not the kind that barely clings together.  And don’t be afraid to add a second layer as needed. A big sandwich requires a tight wrapper….maybe even a layer of aluminum wrap.  

We’re not messing around here.

You’ll appreciate the extra effort later…believe me.

I also make a nice bowl of ice cream.

Nothing fancy…just ice cream, usually Hagen Daz and plain old Hershey’s syrup.

I’m an ice cream traditionalist.

The trick with ice cream, unlike sandwich making, is in the precision scooping and positioning in the bowl.

You can go with your basic 3 scoops, 2 on the bottom one on top…or go bigger with 4 scoops, with 3 around the bottom and one perched on top.

For those looking for a little adventure, you have your “Fiver Plus”, where you employ the same basic 4 scoop design but go as high as you dare in the center.

If you’re faint of heart you can take a more conservative approach and pack a second level around the center and top that off instead.

Like I said, I don’t get too fancy, but feel free to fill in with whipped cream, nuts and even cherries, if that’s how you roll…maybe even some banana….but now you’re getting into a whole other ice cream ball park.

Plus a couple a thousand calories that you probably don’t need.

But it’s your choice…it’s ice cream…not a life changer.

Unless you drop it all on the newly shampooed living room carpet.

Just saying…

I also make a pretty good grilled chicken..

In fact, I’m pretty good at grilling most things…I took grill man lessons one summer.

Nah, I’m kidding…no lessons, just natural man instincts handed down from the cavemen or something.

Actually, all I do is throw some Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce on everything and I’m good to go.

Not to be confused with Famous Ray’s BBQ sauce, which is not to be confused with Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies, which could happen to a person, and I’m certain you can see how….


Well, that’s all for now.

Maybe next time I’ll tell you about my Brownies, both the sane and insane versions….

Hey, it’s August…all the good summer topics have been covered already.


  1. Gourmet sandwiches and innovative sundaes all have their place. I now await your take on the sublime and pristine classic Martini.

    1. Sorry to disillusion you, Joan but I’m not a martini guy. Bombay Sapphire G &T poured over rocks, plain ol Schweppes and a fresh squeeze of lime.

      Sounds like a good idea right now…. Cheers!

    2. I am totally disillusioned, but not for long. You just haven't tried.


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