Wednesday, December 26, 2012

After Christmas

So if Christmas eve is like floating on a calm sea, peering up into the stars…and Christmas Day is like a rogue wave that knocks you off your feet and envelops you into a deep dark sea of confusion…then the day after Christmas is like sitting in a puddle, on a muddy shore, picking sea shells out of your bathing suit.

Beat up, tossed around… recovering from a thrill ride, all at the same time.

And that was just trying to back out of my driveway on the way to my in-law’s house.

Everybody seemed as if they had some place to go

I even saw one of the Vampires carrying a plate of Holiday Ghoul cookies over to the werewolves.

It’s how it is on Christmas, I guess, no matter what your leanings are.

Everyone wants to get along.

Just not sure why it takes a holiday.

Maybe because of the sales….

Anyway, like I said we went up to the in-law’s house, who graciously host more than their share of holidays…and the admission fee is more than fair.

I shouldn’t say that…of course they don’t charge an individual admission fee. They’re very hospitable and have a yearly club rate that includes meals and drinks. They even have a more than reasonable family package.

Okay, okay, okay…

I’m kidding.  I can feel Z’s glare from here, right through the screen.

Family gets in free…it’s just me they charge at the door…which they call an entertainment fee.

Which, to be honest—sort of— I don’t mind, because at least they let me in the door now.

There were years when I was told I had to stay outside and watch the cars.

Sure it made for a cold day, but the tips were good…for the most part.

Except for my Amish brother-in-law—the one I went on vacation with this summer; he’s as cheap as they come. He even expects me to provide the carrots for the horse that pulls his buggy.

Which I don’t really mind, except he likes them boiled and slightly sweetened.

At least this year I wasn’t mistaken for the caterer.

This year I was mistaken for the bartender.

Which is odd because on Thanksgiving I sprayed a whole bottle of tonic all over the brand new family room.

So I figured on Christmas they’d assign one of the other in-laws to the task.

But they didn’t, and so there I was checking ID’s again.

You have to be careful with the fake ID’s in this group

Not for the underage drinkers, though. Those fake ID’s are flawless.

It’s the AARP ID’s I have trouble with, not to mention the contraindication prescription medication cards.

But at least I’m inside where it’s warm.

Of course, dinner was well received, as always…at least as far as I could hear.

However, the new family room is pretty well sound proofed so it was hard to distinguish who was cussing at whom.

But it’s usually not that hard to guess.

The good news is there are a couple of new in-laws in the group these days, so business at my “We Share No DNA” T-shirt and Apparel booth is thriving. 

In fact all holiday family gathering days are big sellers.

Not sure why….

Anyway, now that Christmas is all over it’s nice to sit and reflect on all the good fortune I have in my life, which is really what Christmas is all about.

Especially since one of the new guys got stuck taking home the garbage this year, instead of me…but not until we finished painting the basement together.

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