Monday, December 3, 2012

Holiday Crowd Avoidance

I’m not a big crowd person.

In fact I’ve been known to go to great lengths just to avoid large crowds.

Which is why I only go to Joe Piscopo movies.


I don’t like waiting in lines, either, which stands to reason since a line is really just a controlled crowd for people with OCD.

If I see a line I walk the other way; I don’t care what’s on the other end of it.

Unless it’s free beer.

But only premium beer.

So I was not one of those people who couldn’t wait to run out to the store, the second they opened the doors, at midnight, on this past so called “Black Friday”, just so I could save 20 bucks on a new toaster oven.

My toast is just fine, thank you.

Truth is I’m not all that big a shopper, no matter what time of year it is.

I don’t mind looking, or just wandering aimlessly through the mall with Z, people watching…but when it comes to actual shopping…not a big fan.

I do most of my shopping online.

It’s better that way.

For me and all the other shoppers, not to mention the shop workers.

Trust me.

But I still maintain that reporter made up half of that story …and that photo was definitely doctored.

This year I’m giving everyone I know…a “No No”.

You know…a “No No….

That cool little hair removal tool they sell on TV.

It’s actually the neatest thing—pun intended—I’ve ever seen…or at least the commercial is.

Just their slogan alone is worth the mindless minutes spent watching.

“Spend less time removing hair…and more time doing the things you love!”

Now who doesn’t want that!

And I have to tell you…I never knew the vast array of places that some folks apparently can grow hair.

Let alone just how much fun it can be to remove it…from you or from somebody else.

Especially from somebody else.

Have you seen how much fun those people are having grooming each other like a bunch of monkeys?

But I suppose if I was finally able to rid myself from that annoying patch of hair that plagues the crook of my elbow, I’d be smiling too.

And even though in all my days I never once felt the need to shave the back of my neck…just the idea that now I can, is enough to bring a smile.

And I can’t wait to get at those hairy toes…finally.

I’m actually thinking of handing them out as party favors at this year’s Christmas extravaganza.

Besides livening up the festivities, I’m thinking it’ll bring us all closer together as friends.

I mean how can you refuse anyone anything who removes your navel hair…and smiles while they’re doing it.

Okay…I know…not everyone will be as thrilled as I am about the “NO NO”.

Some people are just weird when it comes to performing hair removal…especially on somebody else.

So for those people I’m getting the Wax Vac, which if the commercial is any indication, is just as much fun, if not more so, than the “NO NO”.

Ho Ho!

Now if they could just combine the two.

Just think of it…two handy, personal grooming items in one. Throw in a little MP3 functionality…well then, I don’t think I need to say anything more.

So I won’t.

Anyway, gotta go wrap up those Lint Lizards I bought for the Zombies Across the Street.  They have a terrible time with dryer lint…for obvious reasons…and they can’t get enough of them.

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