Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Caller ID…for You and for Me

Caller ID is a somewhat recent innovation.

Recent as in the last 20 years or so recent.

I guess it depends on if you’re one of those early adopter people who run out and buy or sign up for any sort of brand new technology or service the minute it comes out.

Or if you’re one of those let’s sit back and see if this newfangled gizmo gadget is really going to take off, while slicing off a hunk of bread and toasting it in your frying pan, on your wood stove people.

If you’re taking a call, Caller ID is great.  You never have to speak to your cousin Shirley again.

If you’re making a call, maybe not so great, because for some reason that cute blond in your “Pilates for Pirates” class never seems to be at home when you call.

So it’s a tradeoff.

Oh, come on…please…don’t sit there so high and mighty and pretend you never looked at the Caller ID screen, grunted then tossed the phone aside.

Or, conversely, saw a call coming in from someone you’ve been dying to hear from; your heart racing, pulse pounding…but you pick up the phone and put on your most casual, ho hum, “Oh, hi…I wasn’t expecting to hear from you…” tone.


I’m not allowed to get excited?

I look forward to hearing from those chimney guys, this time of year.

Who doesn’t?

And don’t think you’re fooling anyone by pushing "Decline" or worse..."Ignore”...and just sending your calls directly into Voice Mail.

You’re not fooling anybody.

At least not the people who count rings.

Four rings…Voice Mail…possibly legit.

One ring…two…Voice Mail...not so legit.

I mean the phone companies don’t even try to dress it up by calling it something nice…like, Postpone or Busy.

Nope…you’ve been IGNORED.

How’s that feel?

Instead of going into Voice Mail you might as well go into Belittled Mail where you get a recording telling you how unimportant and unworthy you are.

Of course, later, when you ask the person—could be anyone…I’m not saying who, “Hey Mom, why didn’t you take my call?” they of course go immediately to the…”Oh, I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my phone…my battery was dead…bad reception…I didn’t hear it ring…and of course the ever popular “I didn’t have my phone with me” even though they’ve had Velcro surgically applied to their hip, just so they can attach their phone to it.

And what about the 45 minute message you left…they never heard that either?

And by the way…when you record your outgoing Voice Mail message, I really don’t need to listen to 2 minutes of your possibly adorable offspring prattling on about how important my call is…especially if you’re my plumber and my toilet just exploded.

And if I do somehow manage to get ahold of you, like the time you pressed the wrong button, would you please do me the courtesy of just quietly listening to what I have to say, rather than interrupting my witty, entertaining monologue with one of your tedious dissertation about your MRI results.

You’re having all your organs removed…we get it…move on…you think that’s more important that the woman who dissed me at the chiropodist office?

And if you’re going to have Call Waiting…use it…don’t keep me waiting!

I’m not hanging up, so you might as well get use to those boops.

Hold on…phone’s ringing.

Oh look…Z’s calling again.

How many messages can one person leave in a day?

I don’t know…I guess it’s just the way of the world.

People are just rude.


  1. My message machine deals with these kinds of calls: You have been selected...This is Rachel with an important message about your credit card...If you are a senior citizen...The FBI statistics show... You are eligible for...You have won...

    1. What did you win???? I'm still trying to get my money from that Nairobi Prince. As soon as I get his new phone number....

  2. A rubber chicken probably. But I didn't hang around long enough to find out. Michael's might give me $1000 if I respond to their survey. So might Walmart. I hate surveys.


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