I have a fly in my house
I think he’s left over from the summer.
No, he’s not a pet and I don’t call him anything, other than
annoying.
And I know he’s the only one.
There’s not a fly tag team or anything that follows me
around in shifts.
It just seems that way.
He’s in every room.
Just one friggin fly who goes everywhere I go.
At first I thought it was amusing, but then I found him
using my toothbrush.
Yeah….
Right?
Do I go around using the fly’s toothbrush?
I don’t think so.
Anyway, I have this fly and I can’t get rid of him.
I’ve even left the windows open hoping he would take the
hint and scoot.
Actually, he did once.
Then he came back a half hour later.
But he did bring snacks.
Granted they were just Frito crumbs and something gooey… but
hey, he’s a fly.
So in that way he’s a thoughtful fly.
I’ve had other flies here in the past that have never
brought me anything…other than bad attitudes.
And there’s nothing worse than having a fly in your house
with a bad attitude.
Like, I made him come in here.
Like, I’m the one who can’t tell an open window from a shut
one.
Like I’m the one who buzzes off, when someone’s merely
trying to point you to an open doorway.
Like I’m the one who swatted you with a fly swatter, but
only winged you so that now you can only fly on an angle.
Well, yeah, okay.
I did do that, one time.
But that’s what happens to flies with attitude.
This particular fly, the one residing with me now, is
actually okay, attitude wise.
Along with bringing snacks, he never complains about what
we’re watching on TV.
Unless it’s the Food Network, which he claims makes him a
little antsy.
And to a fly, feeling antsy is not something to aspire to.
Truth be told, flies kind of look down on ants.
They refer to them as common crumb grubbers.
I told the fly that I thought that was kind of a harsh
assessment for a fly to make about anybody…especially given their penchant for
lighting on just about anything they
see lying around…and I mean anything.
The fly just looked at me, with disdain and said, “What…you
think we don’t wash?”
To, which I kind of took a step back and said, “Well, to be
honest I never really thought about it, one way or another.”
The fly flicked his wing in my direction. “Of course you don’t think about it. People
never think about it. Who cares about a
fly, unless it’s buzzing around your head, or worse, gets into your house.”
“Or talks too much….”
The fly shot me a look through one of its multiple fly eyes, that said…why do I even bother with
humans.
“Okay”, I said, now feeling a bit sorry for berating the
fly…and his hygiene. “As flies go, you’re one of the ‘good flies’.
“You’re darn right, I am.
Do you think it’s easy carrying all those Frito crumbs in here?”
“I’m sure it’s not.”
“And do I buzz your ear?”
“Nope….”
“Sleep on your nose?”
“Not once.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Uh, you’re a fly…in my house…buzzing around my house…for
days now.”
‘Yeah, Einstein…I’m a fly…what else am I supposed to do…the
laundry…the dishes?”
‘Well, that would be—”
“Stop…please…spare me your dim witted, wise cracks. I’m a house fly, not a dragon fly.”
“Dragon flies do dishes?”
The fly just rolled his many eyes at me again…which I have
to say, is disturbing.
“Okay, I get it,” I said.
“You’re a house fly. You belong
in the house…I get it.”
“Miracle of miracles,” the fly remarked.
“Well, I—“
“ You don’t know anything about me at all, do you?”
I was getting a little exasperated now, as I tend to get
after a while in all these conversations I have with insects and weeds.
“Okay, fine. Make yourself at home. Have your run of the
place…just try and stay off the food.
“I’ll try…but no promises…I am a fly after all.”
“And I don’t want you dragging any of your fly friends in
here when nobody’s home. The last thing I need is to find a bunch of little fly
pizza boxes all over the place.”
“Deal….”
And with that, the fly and I came to an accommodation.
I don’t bother him…and he continues to bother me.
Hey…It’s a fly…not a golden retriever…..
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Plus the occasional extra silliness and chance to compete for valuable prizes…not really.
How did you know it was a he and not a she?
ReplyDeleteThat's such an embarrasing question....
ReplyDeletePlease accept my apology! I have made a guess that the fly in question is male because he is obviously lost.. And true to his sex, he does not ask for directions.
ReplyDeleteHa...good one!
Delete