Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Headache…What a Pain

When it comes to pain, I have a pretty high threshold.

I mean, you could be in terrible, blood curdling pain and I’d be okay with it.

Would barely get squeamish.

In fact I could probably disregard your pain altogether, once I offered my perfunctory concern and condolences.

Unless you were making a lot of whiny noises, or worse, screaming a whole lot, in which case I might get a little annoyed.

But don’t worry…at that point I would pretty much just leave the room and try to find someone who could actually carry on an intelligent conversation…you know, without all the grunting.

I’m just lucky that way.

However, when it comes to my own pain, I’m not quite the pillar of strength and stoicism you would imagine.

I know…weird, huh?

Which is why I’m laid up at the moment with this nasty headache.

Yeah…I know…it was kind of touch and go for a while.

I could barely drag myself to the keyboard…but I did it for you.

That’s just how I am.

And who would have guessed that there are so many possible causes of headaches…although brain boring beetles are not one of them….I checked.

That was my first guess and fear, so you can imagine I was a little relieved once they were excluded…at least for now.

And when I say relieved, I mean as relieved as you can be while curled up in a fetal position, shuddering in what I can only describe as a real headache.

Especially for Z, who had to drag me out from under the bed.

Okay, sure…maybe she did tweak her back a little in the process and might have a little difficulty standing up for a few days…but that I can deal with.

Besides, Z rarely complains about her own aches and pains…just mine.

She’ll say things like, “If you don’t stop whimpering about that little bitty pain in your head, I’ll fix it so you can’t feel anything up there at all!”

And since she’s a nurse and has seen more than her share of life threatening situations, I always take her at her word concerning things like that.

Besides, I couldn’t really ask her to give up a whole day of work, saving lives and advancing the state of mankind, just to fix my headache...again.

So I only asked if she would adjust my IV before she left, and check to make sure there was enough oxygen in the tank to get me through the day.

Not that she heard me…not over all the doors slamming that followed her on the way out to the car.

But since I’m not one to complain…too much…I figured I could man up…at least until 10.

But, man up or not, this headache of mine is really doing a number on me.

And if I hadn’t passed out I might not have made it even until 9.

But I did, and once I came to I was relieved to find out that all the moisture I was laying in was only the ice bag, leaking again. 

So there was that.

And I know what you must be thinking.
What a big baby…you’d think he never had a headache before.

Well, for your information, I rarely do get headaches, so when I am afflicted, it’s pretty much of a big deal for me.

So to help get through the ordeal, I’m trying to take my impaired mind off of it by searching for possible reasons why it reared its ugly throbbing head in the first place.

And since the brain boring beetles were already excluded, I started by looking at the most likely tension causing, stress producing reasons currently going on in my life.

Obviously, the first thing I thought of was this whole situation with Alex Trebek growing his mustache back. I mean why now, after all this time, when it took some of us years to get used to him without it?

So that’s something to consider.

Then there’s the Derek Jeter retirement scenario, which is everywhere. Has he really planned for the future and put enough away in his 401K to just stop working at the age of 40?  Is he going to be okay, or are we going to find him wandering the streets in ten years, asking if we want our windshield cleaned?

I’m worried…you know?

And what about the new Fall TV season that’s just kicking off?  I mean do we really need another NCIS show?

Or a Batman show without Batman?

And what’s Steve Buscemi going to do once Boardwalk Empire wraps up?

And can Scandal really get any more Scandalous?

Will The Black List’s Liz and Red ever resolve their difference and finally have a normal Thanksgiving?

I mean who can tell?

Certainly not me…not with this constant thumping in my brain.

Oh, man…I gotta go. My headache’s getting worse instead of better.

I hope the EMS guys are a little more understanding this time than they were a few hours ago.


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  1. Naturally, we are very sad to hear about your crippling maladies and of course our heart goes out to your long suffering wife too. Preoccupation with one's health you'll no doubt be pleased to know is also known as valetudinarianism, and as ism's go you must agree, that is a good one. There is a modern proclivity for support in these conditions "get over it" springs to mind. So nice to know that sympathy is alive and well.

  2. Have you tried Botox? Making you even more beautiful, and at the same time treating the awful headache?


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